What I Learned from MTV’s Jersey Shore

a follow-up to our most popular blog…guest blogger sue talks about what she learned from a full season of watching MTV’s Jersey Shore.

1. Gorillas: I am an educated person. 4 (and a 1/2) years of college, 3 years of law school. I’ve seen Gorillas in the Mist, King Kong…even Mighty Joe Young. J-Woww’s reference, however, is not to the hairy primate that roams the great continent of Africa. No, no. J-Woww is instead talking about that particular variety of gentleman who frequents the Shore with unbelievably large muscles, protruding veins and all. It is this type of man that, in all his “completely jacked, steroids, like multiple growth hormone”, stands J-Woww’s hairs on end in an erotic frenzy. Evidently, she hopes one day to land a man who has the potential of flying into a fit of range and committing attempted, if not successful, murder. God speed.

2. “All Jersey has is sluts”: Thank you, Ronnie. Being born and raised a “Jersey Girl”, I should be offended. But I know better. No, Ronnie. Jersey has far more to offer than sluts. Thats just all you get.

Celebs like Leo DiCaprio love the phrase “Gym, Tan, Laundry.”

3. GTL: Gym, tanning, laundry. The daily, yes daily, ritual of the typical Jersey Shore Guido and/or Benny. To peacocks the world over, the logic behind such practice is sound. This regimen is required every day so that the Guido may look his best when trying to pick up his bed-buddy for the evening. I, however, must side with Vinny on this matter and agree that “these are NOT fun things.”

4. Pants are now optional:

Being a non-guidette, I was of the firm belief that boy-shorts were a type of underwear, sometimes a bathing suit bottom. Having watched a full season of MTV’s “Jersey Shore”, however, I am now aware of the phenomena wherein these short, lycra bottoms are worn to the clubs as if they were clothes. To be clear, underwear are not clothes. They are, typically, worn under clothes. Evidently, though, if you are a guidette and daring enough, the boy-short can be worn to the club and grinded in as if they were a sexy LBD. Sadly, Sammi even considers them appropriate attire for fine dining. (Sorry, Connolly Station. I “heart” you enough to wear pants.) It just goes to show, if you pair it with heels it’s an outfit. (I think thats the guidette motto)

Sidenote: J-Woww, ever the daring trendsetter, has taken this fashion statement even further by wearing briefs, yes briefs, to the club. Twice. Don’t worry, though. She worn fishnets, too. They go all the way up the leg, so they’re pretty much like pants.

5. Trash Bag Luggage: Brief cast-member/housemate Angelina was always quick to call another girl trash and I finally realize why. She, of all people, is the most acquainted with the matter. Having appeared in Seaside Heights with her special “luggage” composed mostly of Hefty Ultraflex, Angelina knows a thing or two about trash. Hey “Jolie”, I hear Louis Vuitton has a new line of leaf bags coming out!

Founded in September 2009, The Pop Break is a digital pop culture magazine that covers film, music, television, video games, books and comics books and professional wrestling.

3 COMMENTS

Comments are closed.