MixTape Monday: V-Day Mixes

ann hale of “hale storm” gives you some tips on what to include on your mixtape this feb. 14 …

Valentine’s Day is here, and you don’t want to be stuck without an awesome gift for your guy or girl. Flowers are extremely overdone, dinner is horribly expensive and chocolate is just cheesy as hell. So, why not do the cool thing and compose a mix tape? Of course, I mean mix CD, but mix tape has a nicer 1980s “I’m in love feel” to it.

What is that, you say? You’re not creative enough to make such a mix? Well, today is your lucky day because I have already done the hard work for you. All you have to do is go to iTunes or Amazon or your place of choice to find music and download the songs. Those of you who hate Valentine’s Day and are more likely to crap on a girl’s heart than to hand yours over, I have lists for you, too, so don’t dismay. You can have fun this Valentine’s Day, as well.

Guys, you don’t want to give your girlfriend a Valentine’s Day mix that she has gotten a million times before, nor do you want her to think your unoriginal by just taking songs off of the radio and slapping them on a CD. If you want to show her you care and you want to give the appearance that you spent a lot of time listening to songs and picking ones that make you think of her, then you want to use my list. This list is especially good if your girlfriend makes a lot of comments about you needing to be “more sensitive.” This is the “Love Songs For Her” mix:

1. Fleming And John, “Rain All Day”
2. Bjork, “Come To Me”
3. Blondie, “Call Me”
4. The Cure, “Just Like Heaven”
5. Imogen Heap, “Between Sheets”
6. Jason Mraz, “Lucky”
7. Natasha Bedingfield, “Put Your Arms Around Me”
8. Portishead, “All Mine”
9. Colbie Caillat, “Oxygen”
10. Dave Matthews Band, “Lying In The Hands Of God”

Ladies, you can make mix CDs for your guy, but they don’t want that mushy Celine Dion shit. If you give them a disc like that, I guarantee it will be tossed in the back seat of their car and never listened to. I have created a list of songs that guys will actually listen to, by bands that men actually like. Yes, I’ve gone that extra mile for you. and they will be impressed that you went out of your way to do this for them. Here is the “Love Songs For Him” mix:

1. Deftones, “No Ordinary Love”
2. Bush, “The Chemicals Between Us
3. Method Man, I’ll Be There For You”
4. Finger Eleven, “Paralyzer”
5. Metallica, “Nothing Else Matters”
6. Incubus, “Summer Romance”
7. The Postal Service, “Such Great Heights”
8. Tool, “Silly Love Songs”
9. Live, “I Alone”
10. 311, “Love Song”

Now, there is the group of you who hate Valentine’s Day, and believe me, I thought about you as well. Valentine’s Day is the worst day for the recently dumped. For you guys, you will probably want to lie around in your bed, having sex with their picture and crying while listening to depressing music. For you, I have the “I Just Got Dumped” mix:

1. Bright Eyes, “It’s Cool, We Can Still Be Friends”
2. A Fine Frenzy, “Almost Lover”
3. Dido, “Here With Me”
4. Sheryl Crow, “Anything But Down”
5. The Beatles, “Yesterday”
6. Carly Smithson, “Without You”
7. Stephen Brodsky, “Beautiful Breakup”
8. Ben Harper, “Another Lonely Day”
9. Carrie Underwood, “I Told You So”
10. Garbage, “Cup Of Coffee”

There are those of you who were recently dumped, who may not want to sit around and sob due to certain … circumstances. If you found dirty text messages on your significant other’s phone that weren’t from you or you walked in on them right in the middle of a Sacramento Sweater, then you want the “Bitch Just Cheated on Me” mix. For this, we start out slow and get angrier:

1. Alanis Morissette, “Your House”
2. Tori Amos, “Famous Blue Raincoat”
3. Paula Cole, “I’m So Ordinary”
4. Amy Winehouse, “You Know I’m No Good”
5. Rilo Kiley, “Does He Love You?”
6. The Killers, “Mr. Brightside”
7. Justin Timberlake, “What Goes Around, Comes Around”
8. April March, “Chick Habit”
9. Carrie Underwood, “Before He Cheats”
10. Pink, “Hell Wit Ya”

Those of you, who have decided to be less pathetic, gather your balls and place them back into their dangly state between your legs, you’re ready to move on and accept that she was a filthy bitch to begin with. For you, I have the “Movin’ the Fuck On” mix:

1. Justin Timberlake, “Cry Me A River”
2. Kelly Clarkson, “Since U Been Gone”
3. Alanis Morissette, “You Oughta Know”
4. Beck, “Girl”
5. Circa Survive, “I Felt Free”
6. Bonnie McKee, “Trouble”
7. The Cardigans, “Erase And Rewind”
8. Fiona Apple, “Sleep To Dream”
9. Sheryl Crow, “My Favorite Mistake”
10. Jay Z, “99 Problems”

Each list is guaranteed to be a hit — and you’re guaranteed to be hit if you use any list other than these. For those of you in love, enjoy your Valentine’s Day. For those of you cheated on, don’t murder anyone.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!

Just a giant nerd in love with horror, 80's action flicks, Star Wars and Harry Potter. Hit me up on Twitter or Instagram @scarletjupiter to talk horror or just to browse the horror collection.

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