Review: WWE’s Night Of Champions

michael dworkis delivers the site’s first wrestling pay-per-view review …

A Night Of Champions … also means a night of losers. Let us go back and review the matches of the evening, while trying to figure out what WWE is thinking, hoping to see a continuation of this upturn in new direction.

WWE World Tag Team Title Match
Air Boom over The Awesome Truth by disqualification

Whether that is their real tag team name or not, The Miz and R-Truth have gone from annoying weekly pests to weekly must-see television. I, for one, believe The Miz not being anywhere near a world title is a travesty. As WWE Champion he proved to be one of the best heels since Triple H and his Evolution days. I admit, I never liked R-Truth, never cared for him at all. However, since becoming a paranoid schizophrenic, R-Truth is constantly dodging the voice of the all the Little Jimmies and while his in-ring skills still do not impress, his promo skills have greatly improved.

Air Boom, a fan-voted team name for the random pairing of Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. I am surprised they did not just name them The New High Energy. I will save you the trouble of looking that up on Wikipedia, but that was the team name for the random pairing of “Birdman” Koko B. Ware and the late “Rocket” Owen Hart. Hart and Ware both high flyers who dazzled and entertained fans with the high-flying techniques of the ’90s. Kofi and Bourne do the same for this era, but like High Energy, I feel they do not have what it takes to be a long term team. Last night, the Awesome Truth lost to Air Boom due to disqualification. That is bound to happen when you lose your cool and KO the referee. The DQ came after the referee missed a number of pinfall attempts and appeared to favor the underdog champions, only adding fuel to the already intense flames of conspiracy rising from Miz and R-Truth. Air Boom squeaked by with their titles, but I really cannot call them winners.

Intercontinental Title Match
Cody Rhodes pins Ted DiBiase

Now here is a match with two second-generation stars, who know how to entertain in the ring. I have been a supporter of Ted DiBiase Jr. since his arrival in WWE, and I really hope this match represents a sign of positive things to come. Rhodes seemed to stall during his initial run as a singles competitor, but the gimmick of a role-reversal (originally obsessed with being handsome, now turned to obsession with hiding his surgically reconstructed face) has boosted his exposure tremendously. The added gimmick of his “bag-men” associates, basically guys who walk around ringside handing out giant paper bags with eye-holes, become equivalent to fans carrying around Styrofoam heads in loyal following to Al Snow.

Okay, maybe not quite the same, but fans are now bringing their own paper bags to put over their heads when Rhodes makes his appearance. This night would go in favor of the Intercontinental Champion, as DiBiase allowed his rage to shake his focus. Taking off the face-guard of Rhodes, DiBiase attempted to strike his opponent with it, however the champion seized the chance to surprise the son of the Million Dollar Man with a roll-up to retain the Intercontinental Championship. After weeks of storing pent-up aggression, failed to keep to his word about beating Rhodes. Instead of becoming champion, Ted DiBiase finds himself stuck in yet another rut.

United States Title Match
Dolph Ziggler defeats Jack Swagger, Alex Riley and John Morrison

I really like Ziggler. He has the look, the charisma, the in-ring skills, and the mic-skills to have a long a successful career in WWE. The only thing holding him back is this gimmick where he constantly fights with Vickie Gurerro. Some storylines are fun and are suited to last. This is not one of them. I wish his first World Title reign lasted more than one hour. Something is holding him from breaking into the main event, but I cannot put my finger on it.

Jack Swagger, another former World Champion is running out of time. Either he is getting bored of his job, or realizes that he needs to change his on-screen persona, the All-American American will likely never capture another World title or even get close to main-eventing. I like Swagger, I really do, he has great wrestling ability and skills, but I am afraid even his resemblance to Gary Busey will not help his career.

Alex Riley is a guy with potential. Is he ready for the challenges of a champion? No. He got over because his theme music resembled something from Linkin Park and he rebelled against The Miz who at the time was the main heel of WWE. Riley has potential, but he might be a textbook case of too much-too soon. He will be a great star in WWE, but not today.

If you want to see a sad story of constant teasing, then I give to you John Morrison, the victim of suffering blue balls more times than Lex Luger during his WWF run of the early-nineties. Morrison is poised to be the next Jeff Hardy, not in the drug-addict way, but to be the ultimate underdog to win a world title. His mic skills are not the best, but the consistent standing ovation he receives before and after every match is proof he earned his day in the spotlight.

The match was intense. All four competitors are all top-notch athletes. At any moment one of them could have emerged as champion, without even pinning Ziggler. Unfortunately tonight, Morrison once again emerged as a loser falling prey to a Gut-wrench Power bomb from Jack Swagger. Ziggler knocked Swagger from the ring, and covered The Shaman of Sexy for the three-count, retaining the United States Championship.

World Heavyweight Championship
Mark Henry defeats Randy Orton

FINALLY! After 15 years of loyal dedicated service to WWE, The World’s Strongest Man is finally a World Champion. I would have saved that for the end of this paragraph, but I just will not. I stood up and applauded that Henry is now World Champion. I admit I am not the biggest fan of Randy Orton, but that is not the reason for my elation. Mark Henry has been in WWE since 1996. He has shared the main event spotlight with The Undertaker, Kane, Big Show, Brock Lesnar, John Cena, Randy Orton, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Kurt Angle, and the list will go on forever.

I was surprised at how good this match was. Orton and Henry really displayed their resilience and toughness to beat themselves for our amusement. In the ring, out of the ring, all over the ring, mostly with punches and kicks from Orton, and Henry just lobbing him around like a rag doll. Randy Orton certainly knows how to get the crowd riled up, and I give him credit for that in this type of match. Sometimes when a match turns into a brawl and gets a bit long, the crowd can lose interest. Orton and Henry both kept pace and the crowd kept their eyes glued. Orton gained the upper hand with his patented moves, but going for his RKO too soon was the mistake, allowing Henry to counter and pancake The Viper with the World’s Strongest Slam for the one, two, and three. Your winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion, the most deserving champion in the past few years, Mark Henry.

Diva’s Title Match
Kelly Kelly over Beth Phoenix

I wish this was a cheeseburger-on-a-pole match. Kelly is thinning with each televised appearance. The gimmick being held by Beth Phoenix and Natalya is the same originally to be carried out by Awesome Kong. Unfortunately, mere weeks after her debut, Kong announced she is temporarily taking leave from the ring since she is pregnant. Anyway, the gimmick is that the more muscular Divas are sick of the “Barbie-doll” divas. I am not a fan of Kelly Kelly at all. I do not understand this whole thing where the non-stick figure Divas are painted as the oppressors. I think it should be the other way around. Is it not about time the world realizes you do not need to be a bleach-blond anorexic in order to be beautiful and successful? Is it not the ti … Oh hell, I just realized I gave this match more attention than it deserves. In an interesting note, the Buffalo, New York crowd booed for any move Kelly Kelly did, and that includes breathing. Although the entire universe, including planet Thundera had hope for a title change, Kelly Kelly somehow won, because she was scripted to win and hopefully you have not stopped reading.

John Cena predictably defeats Alberto del Rio

I admire Cena for his persistence to win over crowds who consistently boo him, and WWE for taking one on the chin and keeping Cena as their primary face of the company. True, he does not really cater to longtime fans, but to younger fans he has the look and skills of the hero they want to see. He might not be Hulk Hogan, and that is a good thing. Alberto del Rio is the modern day Rick Martel. He is smug, brash, and damn good in the ring. It disappoints me a little that his WWE title run involved Cena from the start, but I suppose that is the norm when Cena is not the champion.

I would try to give this match some credit. Two good in-ring workers really trying to impress the crowd, but I just could not feel this match. I apologize for cutting this short, but the end result disappointed me as Cena did the usual “Hulk-up” and inevitably forced Alberto del Rio to tap out to the STF. John Cena captured his 10th WWE Championship, now making him an overall 12-time world titleholder.

Triple H pins CM Punk in a No DQ match after interference from R-Truth, the Miz, Kevin Nash and Mae Young (kidding)

I have been waiting for this match for quite some time. I hate to say it, but I hope this storyline ends. A few months ago, it was the greatest thing on WWE programming, and now it feels like we get a pair of broken records every week. Do not get me wrong, Punk and Triple H happen to be two of my favorites, but there comes a time when a storyline must end, and now is that time. Punk does not like The Game, and in recent weeks crossed a line by making it personal by bashing Stephanie McMahon. On the flipside, Triple H accuses CM Punk of being the very thing he hates, and that Punk is out for selfish glory rather than being one with the WWE Universe. Punk retaliates with his stand that he wants changes, he wants a better show, and if he is the one to be the front-man, so be it. Two great angles like this should go on, except when Triple H then cuts a promo saying that WWE already is a better show, and what Punk is doing is unnecessary and irrelevant. Ugh, that kills the whole gimmick there. My other theory is that they wanted a true test to see who the crowd would side with, Punk or HHH.

This match had your fill of brutality that only Punk and HHH could endure, and then some. The match barely started in the ring. Mid-entrance-water-spit by Triple H was interrupted by CM Punk, determined to give fans what they paid to see. Also, do not forget to buy the new CM Punk ice-cream bar T-shirt! To the match, Punk and The Game literally hit each other with everything but the kitchen sink. Tables broken, television monitors bashed over each other, ring stairs thrown, chairs swung, blood spilled and sweat rivers were flowing. The action came back into the ring where Punk dominated The Cerebral Assassin with chair shots and his lightening quick kicks to the back and head. Those hurt, they just have to. The action went back outside where Punk paid tribute to Macho Man with a top rope elbow drop, putting The Game through the announce table! This crazy match then was interrupted by Miz and Truth, who beat up both men, even trying to throw a lifeless Punk on top of HHH for a win, but to no avail. Punk and HHH try to fight off the interlopers, but the jilted duo continued to interfere. Referees go down, John Laurinaitis hits ringside, and so does Kevin Nash. Nash decks both Punk and Triple H, attempts to power bomb The Game but Punk saved him! Triple H belts Nash with a sledgehammer, then hits the Pedigree on a stunned CM Punk to win this long, hard-fought match.

I enjoyed the match, although the outcome was crazier than a Yankee-Red Sox bench clearing brawl. Looks like Laurinaitis is making a power play of his own, my guess, using Nash, Truth, and The Miz in some sort of way.

So what happens next? Cena is champ again, and I would think Alberto del Rio will want a rematch at Hell In A Cell. Mark Henry is World Champion, finally, and likely to remain that way until WrestleMania. Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero will continue their reign over the United States while we move onto the mystery of the Sin Cara double, Wade Barrett and his mid-card hell, Orton filming a new movie, all while I send my resume a few more times to WWE, hoping they re-hire me. I love this stuff.