michael dworkis reviews the fall classic…
The not-a-Thanksgiving Tradition is back and the big talk going into the event is whether CM Punk will leave Survivor Series as WWE Champion for over one-year. In front of him are challengers John Cena and Ryback. The World Heavyweight Title is on the line as Big Show defends against the man he took it from, Sheamus. We also get one traditional elimination match as well.
We start off with an unannounced traditional elimination Survivor Series Match, not a bad surprise at all…
Brodus Clay, Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Rey Mysterio, & Sin Cara vs. Tensai, Primo, Epico, Darren Young, & Titus O’Neal
Alright, not the best people to start the 26th annual Survivor Series, but let’s give these guys a shot. Justin Gabriel is a human highlight reel, the guy flies, and has amazing in-ring capability. Cruiserweight division people, come on, can it be any more obvious we need it back? The faces control the match until, surprise surprise, Sin Cara gets a tag in and is carried around like a rag doll by Titus O’Neal. Yay, this happens all the time. I get it, anyone not busy in a program becomes a team. Poor Rey. Hey look, here comes A-Train. Just call him Albert. Get rid of Tensai. Cool moment when all the lightweights fly to the outside, and we are left with Brodus Clay and Tensai. Brodus beefs up, moves in for the T-Bon… OH MY LORD HE SCREWED IT UP! Brodus messes up Albert with what was supposed to be a T-Bone Suplex, and became a side of face-planted bacon beef. Tensai hits a splash and gets the pinfall. Vince is in the back tearing up paychecks it was so bad. Titus in the ring throwing people all over. Gabriel suddenly pins Tensai. I blinked. Now wait a minute! Titus eliminated by Kidd! How did… when… what!? Action picks up as Darren Young finally gets in the match, accompanied by frequent teamwork between Primo and Epico. Epico misses a flying strike and Kidd eliminated Epico by submission to the Sharpshooter. Rey in the ring, Primo gets eliminated, and all four faces take turns hitting top-rope moves on Darren Young. Rey nets the pinfall with a splash.
Winners: Rey, Sin Cara, Tyson Kidd, and Justin Gabriel
Now that was a fun way to start off the PPV. Reminded me of the good old Survivor Series days in the early-90’s. No 450 though, kinda bummed about that.
Eve Torres defends the Diva title again Kaitlyn
Because no one gives a damn.
Winner by something: Eve
Backstage: Team Ziggler argues
Backstage: Team Foley argues until Foley gets everyone to “bang bang” on three… Orton does not participate and tells Foley, “I hate you.” Very funny.
Antonio Cesaro vs. R-Truth
A match which I am not sure how it even came together. This is dull. Cesaro dominates the match, but the crowd and this writer have lost interest. In fact, I think so has Cole, Lawler, and JBL, as they have completely gone off-topic and JBL is repeating his commentary over and over. Oh look, the match is over. Antonio Cesaro is now known as “Iron Nipples McGee.” Seriously, have you looked at his chest?
Winner via Neutralizer: Antonio Cesaro
AJ Lee & Vickie Guerrero segment
I have no idea what the purpose of this segment was. AJ came out and showed some photoshopped images of Vickie with JR, Brodus Clay, and eating burritos with Ricardo Rodriguez. It ended with Tamina Snuka mauling AJ.
I hate to say this, but Survivor Series is really taking a sharp dive down to boredom levels. However, there is hope as the World Title match is next.
Sheamus vs. Big Show – World Heavyweight Championship match
Good lord, this is a brutal war. They are just beating the hell out of each other. While this is nothing more than a bona-fide brawl, there is a great chemistry between these two which make this one watchable. Sheamus is a red-headed Triple H. He can move, he can bump, and he can work the ring like a 10-year veteran. While there is not much to recap, except Sheamus hoisting Show on his shoulders for an electric chair drop, the match ended with a dusty-like finish. A ref bump caused when Show throws the referee in front of Sheamus and his charging Brough Kick. This leads to Show hitting Sheamus with the WMD Punch, while officials attended to the near-dead ref. A second ref makes the three count, but the original ref reverses the decision and awards the match to Sheamus by DQ. So, a bit confusing, but continues the feud to TLC.
Winner by DQ: Sheamus
So, he wins the match but not the title. Sheamus goes batty and starts waffling Show with numerous chair-shots. Chair Match at the next PPV, I am calling it right now.
Team Ziggler vs. Team Foley
Can someone put a Viking helmet on Daniel Bryan? Please? His beard has reached Norse-god levels. Sandow eliminated early by Kane via Chokeslam. While Kane and Daniel Bryan argue, Kane is eliminated by Ziggler in mere seconds. Lame. Ziggler and Kofi take to the ring and here comes a flip, no, Kofi counters, and HOLY MOTHER OF PRIMUS Ziggler does a 270 and lands face-first with an uber-Monkey-flip! Can we get a replay? Why yes, and thank you WWE! David Otunga, replacing Cody Rhodes gets some ring time, only to tap out to the No-Lock. Wade Barrett takes his turn with Kofi, and after a few missed moves, he pins Kofi following his weird neck-lock drop. Daniel Bryan in, Wade tags to Alberto del Rio, who somehow wears down Bryan and forces him to tap out to the cross-armbreaker. That victory is short-lived as The Miz charges in and levels Barrett with the Skull Crushing Finale for the pinfall. Del Rio back in and THROWS The Miz with a GERMAN SUPLEX! THREE! That is three suplexes so far this PPV! Miz and The Mexican Aristocrat go back and forth, until Miz missed a turnbuckle charge and Rio counters with a corner Enziguiri, pinning Miz, leaving Orton all by his lonesome. Ricardo interferes, but Mick Foley introduces him to Mr. Socko. Del Rio is distracted, and eats an RKO and his eliminated by Orton. Orton beats the hell out of Ziggler, and it looks like an easy win for Team Foley. Orton floors Ziggles with the middle-rope DDT, but instead of the RKO, he sets up for the corner punt. Orton charges and SUPERKICK! ZIGGLER HITS THE SUPERKICK! 1… 2… 3! Ziggler wins! Ziggler pins Orton! Ziggler wins it!
Winner and Sole Survivor: Dolph Ziggler
That was a really good match. Sad that Sandow went first, but someone always does. Having Ziggler win the match clean was an amazing idea and it came off very well on television. Once again I am getting irked by the Team Hell No constant fighting, as it served to see Kane eliminated fast.
John Cena vs. Ryback vs. CM Punk – WWE Championship Match
No eliminations here. One fall wins it. Crowd is hot for Ryback. Punk is dumped to the floor early on while Ryback and Cena trade power holds and knockdowns to everyone’s boredom. Ryback hits the mat after a Cena clothesline, yet when Punk rocks him down, Ryback no-sells like Goldberg and breaks out the dinner napkins. Ryback hulks up and levels everyone, including some annoying fans in the front row. Just kidding. Ryback isn’t pulling out any big moves, which has me thinking that this match is going to Punk. Action spills to the floor again, with Punk and Cena teaming up against Ryback, and double-suplexing him through the announce table. With the monster momentarily out of action, Punk and Cena took to each other like rabid dogs, hungry for the same prize. The problem, is that Ryback is the Big Hungry, and he came back to feast on the two wounded dogs in the ring. Cena had the STF locked on, but Ryback pulled Cena off. Re-entering the ring, Ryback floored Punk with the Meathook clothesline, and squashed the Straight-Edge Superstar with the Shellshocked. However, Cena rushed back in, but right into the waiting hands of Ryback, who made mincemeat out of Cena with another Shellshock.
Looking like victory, Ryback went to cover, until three men rushed the ring. Michael Cole identified these mystery men as three NXT superstars. Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns charged the ring and beat down Ryback. Bringing him to the outside, the trio then powerbombs him through the Spanish announce table. With Ryback down the three men leave, and in the ring, Punk covers Cena for the three count, extending his title reign to the one-year mark.
Winner via More Confusion: CM PUNK
Well, they found a way for Cena and Ryback to lose again. Cena got pinned, while Ryback was decimated by three people. Alright, we get the point, Ryback cannot be beaten clean. However, this makes twice now where Punk kept the title due to outside interference, and it is starting to make him look weak. Punk should have been allowed to have a more respectable win leading into his one-year reign, and instead it was another mess of confusion. It makes him more the heel, but it is time to go in a new direction. My guess is now Ryback will “invade” NXT and start eating everyone there alive.
This was a strange PPV. It is hard for me to say what is next for a lot of people, since there was not a whole lot of resolution going on. Orton will probably go heel. There really is not much left for him to do. Miz going face will probably not last long, a guess, is that at some point he will get fed to Big Show as a title contender. Let’s see what happens tomorrow night on Raw, and go from there.