ann hale gets in the choppah…
I have been an Arnold Schwarzenegger fan for as long as I can remember. When my mother would go out of town or have to work late, my father would put on a “family movie” which usually consisted of something starring our favorite Austrian. I was always kicked out of the room when The Terminator removed his eye but I was allowed to stay in the room for the three boobed hooker in Total Recall. Strange rules aside, I grew up with an appreciation for action and cheesy one liners.
In honor of Arnold’s newest film, The Last Stand, this fan has put together a list of his top five films.
5. Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Linda Hamilton, Edward Furlong, Robert Patrick
Director: James Cameron
This film is best described in a monologue by Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) herself: “Three billion human lives ended on August 29th, 1997. The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war Judgment Day. They lived only to face a new nightmare: the war against the machines. The computer which controlled the machines, Skynet, sent two Terminators back through time. Their mission: to destroy the leader of the human resistance, John Connor, my son. The first Terminator was programmed to strike at me in the year 1984, before John was born. It failed. The second was set to strike at John himself when he was still a child. As before, the resistance was able to send a lone warrior, a protector for John. It was just a question of which one of them would reach him first.” Side note: Robert Patrick is a bad ass. Period.
4. Predator (1987)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Carl Weathers, Jesse “The Body” Ventura
Director: John McTiernan
Major Dutch Schaefer (Schwarzenegger) and a Special Forces team are sent into the South American jungle to help on a mission to rescue survivors of a helicopter crash. Once there, they find themselves being hunted and slaughtered by an unseen extra-terrestrial force.
You wouldn’t think an invisible alien with advanced weapons could survive the likes of Apollo Creed, Jesse “The Body” Ventura and Conan the Barbarian, but maybe you should think so because he does. Perhaps more people would have survived if they had just gotten to the CHOPPAH!
3. Kindgergarten Cop (1990)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Penelope Ann Miller, Pamela Reed
Director: Ivan Reitman
Detective John Kimble needs a drug dealer’s ex-wife to testify against him. The only problem is that she is in hiding. John must go undercover as a kindergarten teacher at the school she works at in order to convince her to testify.
As I was in kindergarten when this movie was released, Detective John Kimble was, in a way, my kindergarten teacher. I learned about the reproductive anatomy of boys and girls, the Gettysburg address and that simple headache is not necessarily a tumor.
2. True Lies (1994)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Lee Curtis, Art Malik, Tom Arnold, Eliza Dushku, Bill Paxton, Tia Carrere
Director: James Cameron
Harry Tasker is computer salesman, loving husband and father-by appearance. What no one knows is that Harry is actually a secret agent for the government. Feeling neglected, Harry’s wife, Helen (Jamie Lee Curtis), begins to see another man for some excitement in her life. When Harry finds out, he has to put his search for terrorists and nuclear weapons aside to win her back. Harry didn’t know Helen would find out his secret and Helen got more excitement than she bargained for.
I can honestly say that this is the last James Cameron movie that I enjoyed. In fact, thanks to him I learned that Jamie Lee Curtis has a banging body and was introduced to a young Eliza Dushku in her pre-Buffy days.
1. Total Recall (1990)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rachel Ticotin, Sharon Stone, Michael Ironside, Ronny Cox
Director: Paul Verhoeven
Doug Quaid visits Rekall, a company that sells implanted vacation memories, in order to appease a reoccurring dream he keeps having about Mars. When something goes wrong with the implantation, Doug begins to recall memories of being a secret agent on Mars, fighting against the evil Coghaagen, who has a monopoly on the planets oxygen. The question remains, are Doug’s memories real or are they simply an implant from Rekall?
Personally, this is my favorite Arnold movie. I have been watching it since I was six years old, sitting in my family room in New York, snuggled up to my dad. It was unnecessary for them to remake it as Collin Ferrell is no Arnold Schwarzenegger. No one ever will be.