daniel cohen gets animated …
80’s television … the central nervous system of nostalgia. We’ve already had our fair share of 80’s cartoon revivals with such “classics” as Transformers and the Smurfs. And with the impending Ninja Turtles reboot, and a ThunderCats film that all seems likely, it sure as hell isn’t going away. And with G.I. Joe: Retaliation blasting into theaters this weekend, I wanted to take a look at five classic 80’s animated properties that don’t currently have movies in production. Sure, some of these have had films in the past, but it’s time for a rebirth, dammit! So let’s take a look at my Pop 5 80’s Cartoon Shows That Should Have Movies:
5. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe:
Oh yes, I’m well aware of the 1987 film version, Masters of the Universe. It’s infamous. Dolph Lundgren. Courteney Cox. Frank Langella as Skeletor! And while we can certainly appreciate the camp factor of the original, I think we now have the special effect capabilities to keep the entire film on He-Man’s home world of Eternia. Look, He-Man will never be an Oscar worthy contender, but I do think it has the potential to be really bad ass and fun. And to be honest, I didn’t even watch the show that much. I just thought the toys were incredibly cool. That green tiger thing kicked ass. He-Man … make it a reality, and make up for the fact that I broke the arm off my Skeletor action figure. Unbelievable.
Live Action or Animated: I say live action. If you can cast the perfect He-Man, the film will work (not Jason Momoa).
4. Dennis the Menace:
Here’s another one where they made a movie, but in the case of Dennis the Menace, there’s no value to it whatsoever. I watched this show every morning growing up, so when the movie trailer came out in 1993, it blew my mind. But even as a kid, I walked out of that film thinking it sucked. Are you kidding me? Dennis gets kidnapped by a weird-looking Christopher Lloyd? That’s your movie! It’s Dennis the Menace, I don’t want to see him get kidnapped! The cartoon on the other hand really was a hoot. Dennis is just an absolute jackass to Mr. Wilson, even if he doesn’t realize it. This poor guy endured a miserable existence being this kid’s neighbor. Seriously, move to another neighborhood! I do think there’s a sadistic and hilarious Dennis the Menace movie waiting to get made where Mr. Wilson just loses it.
Live Action or Animated: Live Action. But just do a better job for crying out loud.
3. The California Raisins:
I’m convinced the reason I hate raisins is because as a kid I was always afraid that if I ate them, I’d be eating raisins that secretly sang night club acts when I went to bed. The California Raisins were actually known more for their commercials, rather then the lesser known animated series. I loved my California Raisin action figures, and was pissed to learn that you actually couldn’t see them live in concert. Those claymation raisins were so damn cool to me. 7Up tried to replicate the same thing with Spot, remember him? Please. Out of all the shows on my list, this is the least likely to ever get a movie, but the idea of a 90 minute film about singing raisins is something that is more intriguing to me than not.
Live Action or Animated: Animated, but it needs to be claymation.
2. Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers:
This show was pretty damn awesome. You had Chip, the tight ass leader, Dale the goofball, Gadget the genius, and Monterey Jack … the uh, random fat older guy who liked cheese. But amidst all the goofiness, they actually got into some pretty nifty adventures as crime solvers, and Fat Cat was a really cool villain. Chip ‘n Dale could definitely be revived in today’s world, although I think we can do without Zipper.
Live Action or Animated: Animated, but I’m sure it would be CG. Whatever.
Oh, hell yeah. This show kicked ass, and it’s chock-full of iconic moments, most notably Scrooge McDuck diving into the coins. As kids, we all thought diving into a bunch of coins meant you could go swimming. But nothing could compare to the legend that is the theme song. And while this is another one that had a movie, who isn’t craving for some more DuckTales (woo-woo). And as funny as it would be to dress up a duck in a top hat with a cane, DuckTales would have to be animated. But I would want nothing more then to see that greedy bastard go after treasure at the expense of his entire family. Plus, Launchpad McQuack is one of the greatest fictional characters in the history of fiction.
Live Action or Animated: Animated…live action DuckTales just isn’t happening.