RAW Recap: 6/3/13

michael dworkis get RAW …

 

If I eat raw fish, is it sushi? I’m confused. Raw was good. Then it got bad. Then good again! But wait, now it’s boring! Hold on! Excitement! Crap! I need my meds!

 

Well, Raw started out with a bang, Stephanie McMahon hip-swaying to the ring. She plays the “I’m not a heel but you people are selfish” role because she does not want Triple H to compete against Curtis Axel tonight. Crowd obviously boos. Vince McMahon comes out to a roaring ovation, which turns to boos when he defends his daughter. He points out how the crowd has become bloodthirsty, as evidenced by their cheers when Ryback planted Kofi Kingston through three tables, sending him to the hospital for surgery. The Shield then interrupts, but the McMahons bail during commercial and we then see Randy Orton and Team Hell No hit the ring for the opening match.

The Shield defeated Randy Orton and Team Hell No
Orton contributed nothing to the match, except to “accidentally” get pushed into Daniel Bryan, allowing Ambrose to spike him for the pinfall. The match itself was pretty damn awesome and put the rest of the night to shame except for one other match which I will get to later. Daniel Bryan is doing the “I’m not the weakest link/paranoia” bit again, but now it seems it’s a bit more refined, causing the bearded boy to turn up his talent and pretty much own every match he is in. It is great actually, the guy moves faster than anyone else and out-performs everyone. Sadly, it usually results in a loss, but at least we get a blockbuster match.

 

The McMahons are still trying to explain why they do not want The Game to compete. He needs to recoup.

The Usos defeated the Prime Time Players
Hey! Another great match, although a bit too short and too one-sided. Maybe Prime Time players are nearing their end as well. Titus dominated early, but once Young came in, the match was lost to the heels and the Usos steamrolled over their opponents with a barrage of Samoan drops, superkicks, and a flying top-rope splash. Usos are a great, fantastic team. I guess they are next to be fed to The Shield.

Alberto del Rio defeated Big E. Langston
What? ANOTHER good match? Match time was a lot shorter than their previous encounters, but like their previous matches it certainly entertained. Unfortunately there was not a whole lot of difference as it was the same bit of “brains vs. brawn” with Del Rio using some ring expertise to roll up Langston for a quick three-count. You know something, Langston has gotten a lot of Raw TV time lately, and by appearances seems to be some discord between him and AJ. Where is Ziggles? [Editor’s Note: He returns tonight in Long Island for Smackdown!]

 

Backstage Heyman and Curtis talk and are joined by Mr. McMahon. The chairman tells Axel he is a big fan, and sees a lot of potential in the star. Then McMahon informs him of his main event match tonight (Heyman: “Oh here we go…”) against John Cena. Heyman happily accepts, but it will be a No DQ match.

Sheamus defeated Cody Rhodes
Slow match with little action. Sheamus owned Rhodes from bell-to-bell. This only served to strengthen the feud between the Celtic Warrior and The Duke of Decency, Damien Sandow.

The Great Khali vs. Fandango
Winner of the “Why is this a match” award this week, the match featured nothing but blown spots and sheer stupidity. Fandango makes a hasty retreat within minutes, either scripted or simply coming to terms with the insanity booking which WWE thrives on. Oh wait, he is stopped by The Miz who is then blasted by Barrett and his Bull Hammer. Fandango runs away, but taunts Barrett. This leads to further decline of the show with…

The Miz forcing Wade Barrett to submit to the Figure Four
Oh for the love of Primus. Miz is slower than a slug reeling from the “effects” of the Bull Hammer, but thanks to Fandango returning to ringside to dance with Summer Rae, Miz trips up the Intercontinental Champion, locking him the Figure-Four and earning the submission victory.

 

That does it. I want answers. Wade Barrett has NOT WON A SINGLE GODDAMNED match since reclaiming the Intercontinental Championship. Did he do something wrong? Is he in the proverbial doghouse? The guy is one of the most talented talents in a talent-driven business and his talent is wasted away by non-talented wastes of oxygen like The Great Khali. How in bloody blue bastard hell does a lumbering goofball have more victories, and air-time for Cybertron’s sake than Wade Barrett, the INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION??

McMahons confront Triple H, sending him home. Alright already, we get it.

If not for the following segment featuring Rabbi Paul Heyman and The Ayatollah of Rock ‘n’ Rolla Chris Jericho, I would have clicked the delete button on my DVR box. These two should do more segments like this. The verbal banter was genius and aboslutley entertaining. Heyman and Jericho sign the contract, making it official by WWE standards for the booking of Chris Jericho and CM Punk to collide at WWE Payback in Chicago.

Kaitlyn and the Funkadactyls defeated AJ Lee and The Bella Twins
AJ left her team hanging. Bellas angry. Bellas get pinned. Wah. Show starting to go south again…

 

Daniel Bryan defeated Ryback by DQ
Holy crap! Bryan and Ryback put on one heck of a show. Ryback easily going to be sore after this one. Bryan put on the match of his life with practically every move in the book, and then invented a few more. Ryback impressed me, easily keeping up with the former ROH World Champion and proving to me he still has the right skills in the ring to be a force and a mainstay in WWE for years to come. The DQ came when Ryback lost his cool, but then we got to the main event, and the inevitable show-killer of…

Curtis Axel beats John Cena by Count-Out
By Count-out. 10-count outside the ring. You think Axel beat Cena clean by count-out? His assault of moves once-famous in the early 1990’s felled Cena to the point where he could only find refuge in the comfort of the arena floor. Yeah, totally what happened. Maybe on Earth-616. Ryback plowed Cena through a table. That is what happened. The match itself was massively mediocre.

So let’s see. Raw was good. But it was still pretty boring. It had some great matches, and then some real rating-killers for segments. The Triple H not being allowed to compete came off pretty lame, and ultimately made the McMahons look evil. Granted, that is likely what the intent was, with Stephanie calling the WWE Universe selfish, but it could have also been a moment of quick improvisation. Who knows, and frankly, after all the backstage hoo-hah, who really cares, since The Game will be back next week to face Curtis Axel.

Barrett loses again, Kane and Bryan, while seem to be a unit also seem to be on the brink of splitting, yet remain together to combat The Shield. Very interesting twist, and Mikey Likes It.

We got another creepy promo for The Wyatt Family. I will promise when they debut, it will be great. Three super-talents fellas with a gimmick which will gain instant notoriety through WWE and the wrestling world overall.

Until later this week, where I will likely blather on, eulogy-style about the death of Wade Barrett’s career and reasons why Damien Sandow needs to be the next top heel in WWE.