michael dworkis goes banana …
I tried watching TNA. Did you know they brought back D-Lo Brown? As the … get this, VICE PRESIDENT of a heel stable? Are you kidding? These so-called bad-asses dress up as a biker gang, and they have a President, a V.P., and maybe they have a few Congressmen. There he is, Senator Mike Knox (known as Knux) and the Honorable Guy We Still Don’t Know or Care What His Name Is (D.O.C. AKA Director of Chaos) . Oh, Mr. Kennedy/Anderson is there. Huh, oh, he sucks now? That is a shame. How is TNA still alive? How? Seriously, TNA is populated right now with C-rate rejects from WWE (Mike Knox and Festus) and old guys who can’t give it up (Sting and Hulk Hogan). They have so many underused and talented stars like AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle [Editor’s Note: Please move Kurt Angle to old guys who can’t give it up … dude is so played out and is a physical wreck], anyone in the X-Division, and big guys like Matt Morgan or Magnus who for whatever reason play second-fiddle to terrible storylines and segments which eat airtime. TNA/Impact Wrestling might have been good once, but the novelty is long gone. Seeing Bully Ray (Bubba Ray) Dudley as their champion seems like a nice thing, given his long career in wrestling, but I feel like it is worse than holding the WWE Intercontinental Title. It is like being a champion of losers. Well, that’s all about that. Onto some actual entertainment.
It’s not a bad week, but a good week for Daniel Bryan.
Obviously, the breakup of Team Hell No is anticipated at any moment, but then we get the craziest swerve of Randy Orton dropping Bryan with an RKO at the end of SmackDown, to a loud chorus of boos. Did Orton go heel, or was this just an expected occurrence as a result of fans overwhelming love for the former Ring of Honor Champion?
Backing up a few weeks ago, Bryan lost his cool when he and Kane lost the WWE Tag Team Championships to The Shield. Now, the loss really wasn’t a surprise as The Shield was poised to sweep the recent WWE Extreme Rules PPV with a championship sweep, including the United States Title. Many fans, myself included knew this would inevitably lead to the dissolution of Team Hell No. Reason being, WWE has a standing history of splitting up teams after lengthy and successful runs, often the culmination of winning the titles. With Bryan taking the role of a paranoid persona, with the delusional of “I’m NOT the weakest link” as cliché, you are led to believe that Bryan will turn heel and ultimately cause the former champs to part ways.
Orton flooring Bryan with an unexpected RKO may delay the inevitable, which is a good thing. Bryan and Kane became one of the most beloved tag teams since the unlikely pairings of Booker T and Goldust. Not even kidding. The two were so mismatched from the start, it was their progressive bonding and character development which ultimately made them into a team fans wanted to see. Kane and Bryan were the same formula, just different sorts of crazy.
Question is: Where does WWE go with this? Keep Bryan as the sheepy-cooky-face who wants redemption, and Orton has the mastermind behind The Shield?
The latter not as unlikely as you think. Orton can find his name under multiple dictionary entries. Boring, dull, and repetitive are a few which come to mind. A change like this, would be a big change, and big way to rejuvenate the character of Randy Orton. Sheamus seems to have moved on, now feuding with Damien Sandow. The comedy segments between them are classics, removing doubt, myself included once again, these two could put on some great entertainment.
Lately it seems WWE creative has been going the random route of rotating wrestlers (say that three-times fast) which often leads to confusing feuds, but this time, they got a few things right.
The Barrett/Fandango/Miz feud for the IC title is likely to lead to Barrett losing the belt, probably to Fandango in order to maintain the push from the flamboyant dancer. Miz has nothing to prove these days, unless a World or WWE title run is in the making. Barrett … sigh. I do not even know what to say anymore. I feel like his career is about to come to a crashing end. The guy has been maintaining mid-card status for over two years, and his reign as Intercontinental Champion is a worse joke than Santino Marella’s run with a title. I would be happily surprised if Barrett walks out of WWE Payback as IC champion. I really would.
Ryback. This week he put Kane through a table. Hooray. To be quite honest, if Ryback does not win the WWE Championship, defeating John Cena at Payback, they had better come up with something really compelling for SummerSlam. Unless Cena will defend against someone else?
Anybody want to buy me a G1 Japanese Grand Maximus? My birthday is in October. Get working on it.
The Wyatt Family promises something new for this generation of fan. For a guy like me, I think about old cult-like stables from the 80’s and 90’s. I hope the new fans and younger generation can appreciate the cerebral-type gimmick these boys will bring to the ring.
Zack Ryder was on SmackDown. He lost.
Why does The Great Khali get so much damn airtime? Seriously, I want an answer. The guy has more wins than Barrett, more TV time than Antonio Cesaro, and for the love of everything good and holy on Cybertron why is Natalya being wasted with being such a loser?
3MB is on SmackDown, and everyone wanted to watch… Said no one, ever. The jobber trio should have a segment talking with their inspiration to be the greatest team of jobbers. Probably have a nice sit down with Duke “The Dumpster” Droese, T.L. Hopper, and The Goon.
Remember when Barry Darsow (AKA Demolition Smash/The Repo Man) was a featured wrestler on WCW Saturday Night Main Event? He had a gimmick of being a golfer, putting a hole-in-one before each match. That was the best.
I also miss ECW. I watched an awesome match between Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten against “Wild” Bill Whiles and Lou Marconi (or someone like that) [Editor’s Note: More than likely it was CW Anderson, Whiles longtime tagteam partner]. The match was pretty much over after a double chair-shot, and the one to Marconi nearly killed him, as the chair now sported a life-like impression of his head. Ouch.
Speaking of Axl… well, Axel… Curtis Axel is still on the fast track to nowhere. Sure, he beat Jericho on SmackDown, but like his other recent victories, none have been clean, and none really give us a reason to think Axel is going to last as a Heyman Guy. I do not believe WWE creative really has this in mind, but perhaps Curtis Axel is nothing more than a placeholder for Punk. They could do this swerve where Punk comes back, resuming heel-status, and Heyman double-crosses Axel. That makes him an instant face, crowd gets behind him, give him a big win over Punk, and then the Son of Mr. Perfect can go on his merry way to having a career in mid-card hell.
Final thought for the week… The Prime Time Players seem to be on the outs. Perhaps someone finally noticed Darren Young has just about the same amount of talent as David Otunga (none, in case you were not sure). Titus O’Neal could be a real force in the ring. He has the look, the attitude, the mic skills, and hell if nothing worked out, he could always bring back Rufus “Pancake” Patterson and go on commentary.