michael dworkis gets patriotically raw …
Kicking off the month, Vickie Guerrero delivers a special message: Tonight, it is the WWE Champion vs. the World Heavyweight Champion in a special main event. Her appearances throughout the show are interrupted by various McMahons berating her and causing her more grief while Brad Maddox (pictured) stands there with a stupid look on his face. I do not think he said a damn word the entire show. Makes me wonder why he even has a job. The whole setup will either come down to all the McMahons agreeing Vickie needs to go, or we will get a triple threat match between Vince, Triple H, and Stephanie, winner controls WWE or something like that. Maybe that should be the third Money in the Bank match, where inside the briefcase is the WWE Ownership Contract. To be cashed in at any time the company starts to tank.
Really, what is so special about Cena vs. Alberto del Rio? Ponder that through the rest of the review. Raw kicks off with something actually special, Daniel Bryan. Praise to Primus, he has got to be a top guy in WWE right now. Something Vince later in the show openly dismisses as a fluke. Bryan has the makings of a WWE Champion, mark my words, 2013 may be the year of the goatface. He cuts his promo regarding Money in the Bank, which is interrupted by Sheamus, then Orton, then by Kane, followed by Christian and lastly CM Punk who addressed the return of Rob Van Dam. To recap what was said would be meaningless, as your imagination will likely come up with the same thing. Orton RKOs Kane, and the rest stand off.
RVD, Daniel Bryan, Christian, and CM Punk all in one ladder match? Color me happy.
The Shield defeated Christian and The Usos
A rematch from SmackDown which saw the underdog pairing defeat The Shield fell to the unit this time. A great match which shows us The Shield is not untouchable, and even makes us believe The Usos have a chance of winning the WWE Tag Team Championships at the MITB Pre-show. I am just glad a talented team of Jimmy and Jey Uso finally get some well deserved air-time. I cannot help but wonder, should they lose, will The Colons be next in the rotation?
Dolph Ziggler defeated 3MB
Alright, it was just Jinder Mahal, but post match Ziggler made the trio look worse than a team of Aldo Montoya, PJ Walker, and Salvatore Sincere. [Editor’s Note: PJ Walker and Aldo Montoya — same guy!] Former World Champion to jobber-squasher? Not exactly a forward move, but at least Ziggler gets to make an appearance later in the show.
Kane defeated Randy Orton with Daniel Bryan as guest ref
Going into this, you really could not tell where it was going. Bryan first DQ’d Orton, but then Kane demanded the match restarted. After more back and forth, Kane delivered a big boot, covers and Bryan makes a fast three count, causing Kane to get mad. Bryan offers his congratulations, but Kane abandons Bryan, who gets flattened by an RKO.
Sheamus defeated Fandango by Count Out
Sheamus should not dance. Ever. It hurt to watch. Back and forth match, until Sheamus gained the advantage and Fandango decided to bail. The running away to fight another day bit is getting old, and I think so is the dancing fool gimmick. Jericho had to job to this guy?
The Miz defeated Ryback, Jericho at ringside with commentary
Jericho sat next to JBL, so you knew he would inevitably interfere, but not how you think. Ryback dominated Miz, until somehow Miz gained the advantage, attacking and seemingly injuring the leg of Ryback to the point where the ref asked Ryback if he wanted to continue, and Ryback agreed to call the match. Ryback forfeits? What? Post-match, Jericho strikes from behind, hitting Ryback with a codebreaker.
So wait, Ryback, a guy who went through the so-called Three Stages of Hell with Super-Cena calls off the match because his leg hurts? Ryback looks incredibly weak right now. They have him “call the match off” and then ambushed by Jericho. Wow, Ryback, ya still hungry because I think your meal ticket just got punched.
Mark Henry tells it like it is
So NOW Henry gets good on the mic? No, he has always been good on the mic, but you never got to hear it because the talent was never utilized properly. He talks about his time being a face, how he always played second-fiddle to up-and-comers whom WWE wanted to push. Then as a heel where he just flattened fools (sorry Rufus “Pancake” Patterson), because its all WWE management could think up for him to do. Now, he wants the WWE Championship because after 15 years with the company, he damn well deserves it.
I agree. Henry has been around for a long time, and frankly it shocks me to this day his World Title reign, his first one, was only two years ago, and no, I do not count the WWE version of the ECW Title a major title reign.
CM Punk & Curtis Axel defeated The Prime Time Players
Darren Young needs to go. He can’t even sell a bodyslam correctly. Get rid of him and pair Titus O’Neal with R-Truth. It would be hysterical, Rufus “Pancake” Patterson and Little Jimmy would have a field day. Punk is mad over, while Heyman supports Axel through the match. Punk hit Young with the GTS, but Axel blind tags in, just to make the pinfall. I see a Punk vs. Heyman stable feud coming, culminating with his inevitable clash with Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam.
Kaitlyn defeated Alicia Fox
AJ interrupts with a photoshopped image of Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn gets mad. But it’s fake, so who cares? Layla for some reason once again stopped another fight from breaking out. So each week AJ and Kaitlyn make fun of each other. Huh. I wonder why no one has addressed the big elephant in the room… if AJ is heel, and Ziggler is face, are they still dating? Or is AJ now with Big E. Langston and it just has not been officially said yet?
Antonio Cesaro defeated Cody Rhodes
Zeb Colter brings out a returning Jack Swagger. A heel vs. heel match? Were they pressed for filler or was this all part of the plan? Pre-match, Sandow and Rhodes puts the WWE Universe at ease, assuring us all no matter what happens as MITB, they will remain friends. Because they are true friends. Awwww. Sandow is arguing with JBL and some fans, while Cesaro spikes Rhodes with the Neutralizer. Short match, but good. Sandow is shocked and dismayed by the loss. Perhaps Sandow and Rhodes are not as good as we think? Dun dun dunnnnn!
John Cena defeated Alberto del Rio
It was not a bad match, although it only got exciting in the last few minutes. Henry came down to staredown Cena, but it did not work. Ziggler rushed the ring to staredown Del Rio, which did work, allowing Cena to hit the AA and gain the pinfall victory. Post match, Henry taunts Cena with the WWE Championship belt. The only thing really worth mentioning is what happened as Raw went off the air, Michael Cole announcing next week on Raw… The debut of…
… The Wyatt Family.
This, my friends, is what we all have been waiting for. I will say nothing more, because next week, the shepherd brings his flock to RAW, and his followers will be watching, waiting, listening, obeying…