I found something out I did not realize until five minutes ago. This is a shortened season of True Blood. There’s only going to be ten episodes, and we’re on eight. Ladies and gentlemen, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought at first that maybe that’s why the season has been so bad – maybe they’re rushing things because they have less episodes to stretch over. But no. That’s not it, is it? The season doesn’t feel rushed. In fact, despite being shortened, the season feels completely drawn out. The plot, along with the small inconsequential subplots all feel bland and unnecessary. I mean, last week I literally didn’t have anything to say expect that the episode was nothing but filler. It really feels like the writers just don’t give a fuck anymore.
Oh well, here’s a (sort of) summary of what happened this week:
Does anyone care at all about what’s going on with these werewolves? Seriously, raise your hand if you do care about these creatures who no longer have any human qualities and seem to lack any form of remorse for their actions. Nobody? No hands? Okay, cool. Let’s move on then.
I’m having a really big problem with the fact that the sexy new love interest is named Warlow. When Warlow was just this crazy killer who murdered Sookie’s parents and was coming back for her, the name was kind of fitting. But now that he’s all “I’ve loved you since before you existed, be mine for eternity,” and she’s all, “I’m gonna have to think about it, Warlow. How about we just see a movie first, Warlow.” Man, it is an awkward leading man name. It honestly sounds like something you would name your pet slug.
NEWS FLASH. Jess from Friday Night Lights plays a character named Nicole, the only remaining Vampire Rights Activist (the werewolves killed the rest of them – love those howlers!). I haven’t talked about her a lot because her story hasn’t been that interesting, she’s just kind of a pretty face whose there to help Sam and have sex with him. BUT. This week I learned something that I cannot unlearn. Once upon a time, she played Denise on Full House. Seriously! Mind blown, right?
Also turns out she’s preggers with Sam’s baby. Guess THAT’S why she was important.
Sookie and Bill were fighting because that’s all they do with each other these days. He’s all, “Help me save the vampires.” And she’s all, “You’re weird now.” And it really made me think… About how Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer must go home every night after shooting and talk about how the dialogue they have doesn’t ever make sense anymore. But they have beautiful twins at home to feed and clothe and stuff, so at least they’re getting a steady paycheck.
If I’m not mistaken, Sookie decided to give into Warlow and become his vampire bride. Who decides to become a vampire in the middle of the friggen Vampire Holocaust? Speaking of the Vampire Holocaust, at the concentration camps everyone was being served True Blood (drink, not show) with a heaping dose of a new deadly-to-vampires virus called Hep V. But… I’m confused because none of them seem to be dying? When Nora was infected with Hep V she was clearly sick within minutes and died within a few hours. These guys got two helpings of Hep V spiked True Blood (drink, not show) during the episode and as far as we know are still functioning normally.
Meanwhile, those who aren’t drinking the True Blood (AKA all the vampires we already know, obviously) have been taken to a room to meet the sun. LOL, I bet they told them they were gonna be taking a shower.
So while all our vampire friends wait to die a painful, very bright death (get it?? Cause they’re gonna meet the sun??), Sookie finds her would-be husband (still named Warlow in case you were wondering) dead as a doornail. Eric friggen killed Warlow. They needed Warlow to save all the other vampires (his blood would help them survive the sun, cause of the whole part-fairy thing). But, you know, there are two other fairies that we know of so… not a big deal at all. But also… the plan is to sneak into the concentration camp and feed them all fairy blood before the sun kills them. …Wouldn’t it be a lot easier to just try and break them out? Don’t get me wrong, that’s still a hard plan. But… it just seems way easier, less convoluted, and smarter. You know, call me crazy, but escaping from the Nazis seems like a much more concrete solution than staying alive in the presence of Nazis who will just find a different way to kill you…
This is one of the dumbest things to happen on this show yet (which is saying a LOT). If one of the vampires was trapped, we might feel like that bloodsucker was really in danger. But it’s literally all the vampires we know and love(ish). There’s absolutely no way that entire group of vamps, basically 50% of the characters on the show, are getting killed off in one foul swoop. It’s just not happening. Obviously Bill, Sookie, and Eric are going to save the day.
So that was episode 8. You can probably tell by the length of this review but… I didn’t hate it. A surprising step up. I’m somewhat interested to see what the last two episodes bring.