The WWE-ek: Viva La Hate

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Extreme is not usually a word I associate with WWE but lately I have felt as if their programming push towards has been polar opposites. All, or nothing. This week, they just went off the deep end. You have the supposed main event of John Cena defending the WWE Championship against Daniel Bryan, yet all of a sudden we got Orton-mania running wild, appearing to have finally made the long-awaited and desired heel-turn.

 

Randy Orton. I hate him. Always have, probably always will. I do appreciate it when he puts on a good match, as evidenced by his bout with Rob Vam Dam on SmackDown this week. When Orton is a heel, I hate him. He makes you hate him. The whole “Viper” gimmick was all about him being a snake-in-the-grass jerk who struck at the most opportune time. When he goes baby-face, you want to try to like him, but it becomes difficult as he becomes stale and forced like a bad deli sandwich. While happy Orton has made the leap back to notoriety, I am more concerned this will sabotage Daniel Bryan from becoming WWE Champion. I see it over and over in my head:

Cena sets up Bryan for the Attitude Adjustment, Bryan counters, goes for his roundhouse kicks, Cena catches a leg, dropping the challenger and going for the STF. Bryan, rolls out, counters, and traps Cena in the Yes-Lock, as every person in the area jumps to their feet chanting YES! YES! YES! Cena, in the middle of the ring, taps out and the area explodes. Vince McMahon, ringside is furious, and suddenly Orton rushes the ring, clobbering Bryan and Cena with the Money in the Bank briefcase. McMahon grins and orders the ref to ring the bell, signifying Orton has just cashed in. Orton drops the dazed Bryan with an RKO, the crowd goes silent the same way the crowd died when Orton won the MITB ladder match, as the ref makes the three count, declaring Orton as the new WWE Champion. Vince McMahon jumps and celebrates his new Corporate Champion.

Maybe this is a stretch, but then again, maybe it is closer than we think. Vince has been on-air more often with the angle of asserting his authority. He enlisted Wade Barrett in an attempt to force Bryan to shave the beard. Perhaps a new Corporate stable is in the works?

 

Now we move onto Alberto del Rio defending against Christian. This has “Awesome” written all over it, not because The Miz is the laughable host of SummerSlam. Christian is getting his mojo back and he will have a World Title match at SummerSlam to prove he can still main event. I know in the past few weeks I have been critical of the returning Christian, more out of concern his injuries have kept him away for too long and may have hurt his chances of hitting it big again. Would I like to see Captain Charisma become World Champion again? Of course. Will he do it at SummerSlam? Probably not, but he will put on a damn good show with Del Rio, a guy who is consistent at all times, regardless whether face or heel, consistent in his in-ring ability to perform one hell of a show. I love his top-rope reverse Suplex. He got it from me of course.

Here is something laughable. Ziggler teams with Kaitlyn to take on Big E. Langston and AJ Lee in a mixed tag team match. BWWAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!

CM Punk. Brock Lesnar. Paul Heyman. ECW. Brave Maximus. All of these together equal genius. Awesome. Incredible. More words? Nah, just want to see it happen. Punk vs. Brock will be nothing short of incredible. Punk can take the beating Brock can dish out, and I am praying Brock will sell a few of moves from Punk.

Ryback. Another joke.

 

Sheamus got injured, might be out for six months. That is a damn shame. I thought the Celtic Warrior was on the verge of a new push, but it will have to wait. As always, I never mind when an injury potentially puts someone on the shelf for a long time, I would rather see a healthy return over a rushed one.

Total Divas sucks. No one likes it. Go check the Internet, even the people who produce the show think it needs to be canceled. The show is all about The Bellas. Fine. Whatever. However what frustrates me the most is that they take The Funkadactyls, two fun-loving, fan-friendly African-American dancers and portray them in a stereotypical over-the-top role. You’ve got to question the judgement of whomever is pulling the string here. Then again, you have to watch the show, which is a very difficult task. The Lita-wannabe, already forgot her name is the obvious “button-pusher” who keeps getting in trouble but yet never is fired. So there it is again, further disastrous proof this show is nothing but a disaster wrapped in more disaster. Must taste like bad bacon. With John Cena. Ew

Cody Rhodes vs. Damien Sandow will probably be more interesting than most of the SummerSlam card. What is going on between them is pure genius, and this might be the surprise show-stealer.

Bray Wyatt steps into the ring with Kane, in a Ring of Fire match. My guess is a new, modern version of the Inferno Match. This, will be very interesting.

SummerSlam is closing in. I want a Sharknado spoof. Starring Shark Boy.

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