RAW Recap: August 19, 2013

 

It was a very good SummerSlam, with very good matches, but facing facts, we should have known Bryan was not going to walk away with the gold. Orton seems to be the new Corporate Champion, as Triple H turned on everyone, ensuring neither Cena nor Bryan would remain champion.

 

The match was great. Cena and Bryan put on one hell of a match for us. It was a bit weird how Cena sort of shrugged it off and had a conversation with Bryan as if nothing happened, but once in a while Cena forgets to sell a long, intense match. Shame.

WWE.com had something interesting post-PPV. Short segments with other wrestlers about their thoughts over Triple H screwing over Bryan. Big Show had the best, calling it “garbage” and The Game being “trash” over what he did. Very interesting indeed. My guess is the angle is now Triple H does what is “best for business” but now in a heel role.

Cena starts off the show, because of course he does. He shows off the bowling ball attached to his elbow, the “ball of fluid” due to a torn ligament, and of course shares his disdain for Orton winning the championship. Cena also announces he is leaving WWE for six months to have surgery, and the crowd ERUPTS in YES YES YES chants. He gives a good promo, and as he introduces the REAL champion, Daniel Bryan, the crowd explodes, drowning out his theme music.

Before Byran gets to his promo, the crowd continues the chants, but is interrupted by Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. She apologizes for the actions of Triple H, but explains it was “best of business.” Bryan counters with a great line, “When you lie with trash… You start to stink.” Bryan continues with an awesome anti-corporate tirade, threatening to go back to a certain indy promotion.

 

Alright, let’s get right to it. Steph goes right to a “Breaking the 4th Wall” promo, stating, as a WWE wrestler, he has to understand his place in the company and not everyone can be a WWE Champion, some people just have to stay below the main event, and remain in the undercard.

So, we have a storyline, about WWE storylines. Genius. Just awesome. So Steph plays the snobby bitch boss and has Bryan removed from the building. Bryan just commands the live crowd. Never heard a crowd so loud since New Jersey.

Cody Rhodes defeated Damien Sandow
Another great match, they should have a best two-out-of-three falls match. Nice moonsault by Rhodes, hitting a standing Sandow and nearly lands on his feet. Sandow has great ring presence and perfect facial expressions. After a number of great exchanges, Rhodes rolls up Sandow with a sunset flip and scores the pinfall. Sandow and Rhodes can put on one hell of a show.

Backstage, King Douche, Brad Maddox talks about comments Ziggler made about Triple H after the PPV. As his reward for sharing his honest thoughts about Triple H, he gets a 3-on-1 handicap match against The Shield.

Paul Heyman promo: He forgives Punk for everything and offers for Punk to realign himself with Heyman and he promises to bring him back to the WWE Championship. Heyman cuts such a great, believable promo. I almost want Punk to go back to Heyman.

Funkadactyls defeat Layla and AJ
Pre-match segment, Bellas taunt the Funkys. One snoozer later, the Funkys win.

 

Dolph Ziggler is Mauled by The Shield
Forget the match for a moment, Ambrose has such a great thug look, like a little bruiser who is about to lay a beatdown on whomever is in front of him. He does not have to wrestle and I love the guy. Match itself starts good, but inevitably slows down as Ziggler is just pounded on, as what usually happens in a lopsided handicap match. Ziggy gets his offense, but the numbers are too much and he eats a mid-air spear from Reigns. During the offense, Ziggler suplexes Rollins over the ropes to the floor, and Rollins clearly lands badly, possible knee injury. Decent filler. Poor Ziggler.

Alberto del Rio vs. Sin Cara is stopped after NOT EVEN TWO GODDAMN MINUTES
FIRE SIN CARA! Geezuz H. Chrystler! They get rid of talented wrestlers yet this piece of crap is still here?! Seriously! The match doesn’t go more than two minutes before Sin Cara injures himself doing a dive onto Del Rio. Referee stops the match, but Del Rio doesn’t get the memo as he gets a few more kicks in. Good. Kick him out of WWE!

Del Rio then cuts a promo saying he is the hero of Hispanics everywhere because they have no heroes. He is interrupted by Ricardo Rodriguez who introduces a real hero for the people… ROB VAN DAM. Wait a sec… Ricardo now in the corner of RVD? Nice! RVD goes after Del Rio, but the Mexican Aristocrat escapes, busted eye and all. Rob and Ricardo? Nice ring to it.

Zeb Colter w/ Antonio Cesaro and Jack Swagger Segment
Dirty Dutch does another illegal immigrant promo. While the gimmick might be losing steam, the huge California crowd joins Zeb with a We The People chant. Makes you wonder if Swagger and Cesaro can stay heel… Except the crowd erupts for The Prime Time Players. The PTP strut down to the ring, so it seems they have just made the fast switch to baby-face. Guessing WWE feels Young needs to be face now, and as long as it means more air-time for Titus, I approve. I want a singles match between Titus O’Neal and Cesaro. Darren Young gets the hot tag, cleans house, and throws everyone with Suplex after Suplex?! When did HE learn to wrestle?! Young launches Cesaro with an overhead Belly-to-Back suplex, followed by a huge Northern Lights Suplex! Young crushes Cesaro with the Gutbusting Driver called the Gut-Check for the big win.

 

I don’t need to say what you’re all thinking.

Backstage: Big Show announces he and Mark Henry will challenge Rollins and Reigns for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Maddox the Maalox interrupts, informing Show, because he made disparaging comments about Triple H, he will face The Shield in a 3-on-1 handicap, with all members of The Shield in the ring simultaneous. Great line by Show to conclude: “You sure you want to do that to The Shield?”

Awful Segment: Some shmuck from Foot Locker talks to Justin Gabriel and Zack Ryder about new sneakers. Fandango interrupts.

Backstage yet again: Ryback bullies some random locker room guy. Looks like the guy he bullied last night in catering. This gimmick is really terrible. Do the words jumped-the-shark mean anything? Do something with it already or just send the Ryback back down to FCW.

The Shield defeated Big Show
Much longer than their fight with Ziggler. Good match, Show manhandling them for most of it, until they finally found the right equation to slow him down. They manage a triple-group powerbomb and comically, all three jump on top for the pin. Show looked good, hopefully he hangs around for a while this time as himself, enjoying what he does, cutting great promos, not burdened by some lame heel gimmick this time.

It’s Clobbering Time! CM Punk cuts the GREATEST PROMO EVER. One random fan boos him and Punk loses his marbles. “I will render you to tears” might have been the greatest line of the century. The crowd goes ape-*** crazy. There has got to be a video online somewhere, I have no words to further describe this amazingness. Punk comes back to earth and invites Heyman to the ring, who does oblige but has Curtis Axel in tow. Punk apologizes to Heyman for not ripping his arm off and taking it home. For the love of god CM Punk is beyond incredible on the microphone please let it never end. Punk calls out the fat guy in the crowd again. Heyman takes Punk up on his fight offer, and tells Axel to get ready for a fight. Punk pretty much owns the fight, and every time they went to the floor, I could not help but wonder where the fat guy was.

 

Why on Earth are they using the Eye of Sauron as a promo for Randy Orton?

Bray Wyatt defeats R-Truth in a snoozer. Where is KANE?

Promo for a new tag team… Los Matadores. Huh, they look like The Colons under masks. I think Tito Santana is laughing right now. El Matador anyone?

The Usos easily cream 3MB
Well, tag teams are getting the spotlight treatment this week on RAW. Nice. With three hours of television time, they should focus more on tag team wrestling. Usos look fantastic. 3MB also, need to leave. With haste. Really would like to see Usos vs. Prime Time Players vs. Los Matadores vs. Rollins & Reigns.

Miz defeats Wade Barrett by DQ
HEY! Miz gets to have a match. It might be time for Miz to go back to heel, while he is entertaining and has a pretty face for the cameras, his days as antagonist were far better and far more entertaining. Miz gets the win via DQ, as Miz has Barrett in the figure-four, Fandango leaps off the top rope with a huge guillotine legdrop. Crowd loves it, and so do I. Poor Barrett, you would have thought under a McMahon stable, Barrett would get better treatment. Alas, not so.

Backstage, Maalox Maddox informs Steph (and us watching at home), Daniel Bryan has managed to sneak back into the arena. Steph goes into the office of Mr. McMahon.

After commercial, we see Mr. McMahon, Stephanie in the ring, with The Shield as ringside security with the entire locker room on stage. Triple H comes to the ring and embraces with wife and daddy-in-law. Triple H says he did it for the fans! He wanted to save WWE! He sounds like Vince from 1998 when The Rock was the Corporate Champion. HHH cuts his promo saying he still does not like Orton, but he would rather have Orton as champ over Bryan. Weird. Also weird, calling Randy Orton the future of WWE, the coal who is now a diamond?? Uh, did we forget he beat Benoit back at SummerSlam 2004 for his first World Championship? Guess so.

 

Orton comes out, and gets a big hug from Stephanie. Blarf. Orton cuts his heelish promo, and gets a hug from Triple H for it. The group then invited Bryan to return to the ring. As Bryan makes his way into the ring, The Shield strikes. Looks like the trio has a new boss. Bryan finally gets into the ring, only to eat an RKO to close the show the new corporate stable dominant.

So Randy Orton is the Corporate Champ, and Bryan is the new Mankind/Mick Foley. As I explained to my wife, getting a quick trip down history road, Rock vs. Mick Foley for the championship, both as faces, but Rock gets the help from McMahon, turning him heel and aligning with the boss, leaving Foley as the underdog who was robbed of the title. So, they run with Triple H “seeing the light” and ending the family feud with Vince. Perhaps WWE Creative realized the family feud was going nowhere. You know something, the angle worked in the 90’s with Rock and Foley, I believe it can work now with Orton and Bryan, and Triple H serving as the corporate fiend.