31 Days of Horror: Killer Klowns From Outer Space

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I am going to reveal an embarrassing fact about myself that very few people know. I am scared of Killer Klowns from Outer Space. I realize that it is an absolutely ridiculous film but those clowns are scary as hell.

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You have to admit that if those clowns were in another horror movie that wasn’t a total joke, you might think they were scary too. I dread walking by the masks in the costume shop every Halloween. I find myself praying that no one shows up to a party I am at dressed as one. I hate clowns. I don’t understand why anyone would trust a clown. I don’t know who they are under that makeup. I don’t want to know. I just want them to go away. You know who was a clown? John Wayne Gacy. I rest my point.

I have several theories as to where my clown fear came from. One of them involves this very film. I can’t look at a swirly straw without picturing the clown sucking blood out of a cotton candy cocoon person with one. I can’t see shadow puppets without the T-Rex eating everyone popping into my mind. Worst of all, I can’t watch John Vernon films without seeing him made into a human ventriloquists dummy. Do you understand what that means? Ernest Goes to Camp has been defiled by those damn clowns!

Do you know what is worse than clowns? Alien clowns. These guys have guns that spin people into cotton candy cocoons, the ability to shrink people and feed them to popcorn monsters (I repeat, popcorn monsters), and they freakin’ eat people. Yes, cannibalistic alien clowns a.k.a. my worst nightmare.

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Now, the film itself is pretty stupid but in that way that old Are You Afraid of the Dark? episodes are stupid. You know, where it’s so bad that it’s good. These clowns or Klowns come from outer space to harvest people for food to take back to their planet. As usual, only a handful of people see anything strange about these terrifying clowns including a couple named Mike and Debbie and their ice cream truck driving friends, Rich and Paul Terenzi. Apparently these four are the only people that pay attention or are willing to engage their willing suspension of disbelief because even the cops aren’t bright enough to catch on.

I both love and hate Killer Klowns from Outer Space in equal measure. It’s bad enough to keep me entertained but those clowns are scary enough to ensure that I won’t be watching alone. If you have clown fear, like me, you’ll find this terrifying. If not, you’ll get some great laughs. Either way, grab some popcorn and cotton candy, pop it in and enjoy!

Just a giant nerd in love with horror, 80's action flicks, Star Wars and Harry Potter. Hit me up on Twitter or Instagram @scarletjupiter to talk horror or just to browse the horror collection.

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