In a rarity, WWE Monday Night RAW is a taped show due to being across the globe in the UK and time zones being what it is, I don’t think anyone on the roster wants to perform at 3am. Fans however wouldn’t care. Bit of a confusing mess this week as we begin with Randy Orton gloating, but interrupted by Brad Maddox. He wants to make a match, but the All-New Corporate Kane interrupts to make a match of his own. However, Vickie Guerrero interrupts. So… Kane is supposed to be outranking everyone else, yet Maddox and Guerrero have equal say now? Orton winds up in a handicap match with the Rhodes.
This bothers me. Orton is a heel, and as far as everyone knows, Vickie, Maddox, and Kane are all heels yet Orton winds up booked in a babyface-favored situation, and on top of that, this new Kane comes out looking weak as he couldn’t even book a match to open RAW.
Cody and Goldust pick up a count-out win over Orton. The loud boos of the result turn to cheers as Big Show arrives and DESTROYS Orton forever. Pretty epic onslaught. Can I give Big Show a list of people for him to do that to, and it may include non-wrestlers?
We go from awesome to lame in the time it takes to air a commercial. Santino Marella and Los Matadores pick up an easy win over 3MB. In better news, Orton throws a tantrum, scripted this time, about his treatment at the hands of Big Show. Shocking how Orton recovered so quickly.
Let’s back up here, I know the show is taped, they are overseas, but can they at least pretend to be consistent with booking here? Orton is the WWE Champion, but he’s acting more like a guy from TNA trying to escape his contract. Speaking of contracts, anyone wondering when Kofi Kingston and Dolph Ziggler get to renew theirs? I wonder because both job to their respective opponents, Damien Sandow and Intercontinental Champion Curtis Axel. Yes, you are reading it right. Kingston jobs yet again, to Sandow. Not sure if this is supposed to elevate Sandow or not, but beating Kingston at this point is comparable to beating Jim Powers in the early 90’s. Dolph Ziggler loses clean to Axel. Who care whether the title was on the line or not, Axel gets a win over a two-time World Heavyweight Champion, but also seems to have fulfilled the role of Reno Riggins, where you think he might get a win, but he doesn’t. You feel sad for him.
In yet another segment too confusing to comprehend, Kane and Maddox try to one-up each other on booking matches. We wind up with The Shield vs. CM Punk & Daniel Bryan in a Handicap match, and John Cena vs. The Real Americans in yet another Handicap match. Noticing a trend tonight? Yes, nothing makes any sense at all.
Tamina Snuka defeated Nikki Bella with help from AJ Lee, but Brie Bella cleans house? This is just weird. I need to stop JBL from stealing my alcohol.
Randy Orton whines to Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns about not coming to his aid earlier tonight when Big Show attacked. The trio dismissed his complaint, stating they don’t work for him and they still do what they want, when they want. Odd. Is Randy on the outs or something?
Fandango defeats Tyson Kidd. Get this, this match actually has a backstory. If anyone watched Total Divas. Mr. Kidd was so unhappy Natalya was doing some training with the so-called Ballroom Dancer on a TAPED episode of Total Divas, Kidd just had to show him who’s boss and demanded a match. So let’s see, you get massively injured a year ago, rehab, get hitched, return to television because your marriage aired on Total Divas, and then job to Fandango. So, Tyson Kidd only gets airtime from being on Total Divas. I would say run to TNA, but you’ll be back in WWE once Vince McMahon buys it.
No matter how hard WWE tried (if they even bothered), but boy is John Cena just HATED overseas. Good lord you couldn’t hear his theme music the boos were so loud. In any case, the booing did not help The Real Americans as they lost to Super-Cena. Ironically, the Real Americans got cheered. Cesaro isn’t American though… My heads hurts, I’m thinking to hard about this. Oh look Del Rio attacks Cena after the match! Hooray! Big E. Langston saves Cena?! Cue Tim Allen confused sound clip.
Uhm. I don’t even know how to type what comes next. Someone must be in the doghouse, otherwise I can’t figure out HOW THE HELL R-Truth gets a clean win over Ryback. Seriously. Ryback misses his Meathook Lariat, and then Truth rolls him up for the win. Yes, this just happened. I really wonder what R-Truth has over Triple H or someone high up in WWE which causes R-Truth to earn big wins while Ziggler is King of Jobbers.
As a result of Langston saving Cena, he gets to tap out to Alberto del Rio. Match could have been better. They worked well, but some parts of the match just didn’t fit right. Langston has great potential for future main events. I see him winning Money in the Bank this year. Count on it.
In yet another great CM Punk moment, we get the banged and beaten Paul Heyman who addresses his loyal followers, declaring revenge will be had on Punk. Except one problem. Punk comes out and mauls Heyman. Probably because he had Axel with him. I’d beat up Heyman for that too. I am not anti-Axel, but lately I feel like his purpose for being is done. If you can’t “feel” the presence of a wrestler, said wrestler shouldn’t be there. If Axel has an It-Factor, then please show it. Right now he just seems bland and uninteresting. Yes, a win over Dolph Ziggler is something to brag about, if Ziggler wasn’t a jobber for the past two months.
Finally, after waiting about three hours (or less depending if you watched it on the DVR) we got an absolute gorgeous main event match. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk on one side, The Shield on the other. Wow. Was there an R-O-H chant? It was coming from my house. Please make this the main event a few more times? Reigns is growing on me, but Ambrose and Rollins overshadow him greatly. WWE has begun pushing Reigns, showing him as a future WWE champion on their website. If and when the Shield part ways, I really would like to see Ambrose as a main event heel. Rollins will wind up getting mid-carded for a while. Reigns, I just do not know. In any case, we got one hell of a match, and when Bryan clamped the Yes-Lock on… The lights went out. No, not The Undertaker, but The Wyatts. They hit the ring and a brawl ensues between factions, which leads me to think my theory of Shield being dumped and Wyatts being hired by The Authority are really looking good right now. They eventually align and go after Bryan and Punk, but the two best players in WWE are then saved by The Usos and The Rhodes Boys. This is how you close a show.
Do you know what the best thing about RAW was tonight? Michael Cole couldn’t plug the goddamned WWE App.