The WWE-ek: Happy New Year (Part 2)

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To read yesterday’s introduction, click here.

Let us begin with the insanity which closed Monday Night Raw, and thankfully was not spoiled due to reverse taping of television programming. As we saw, Brock Lesnar came back with Paul Heyman and disassembled Mark Henry. More Batista hype. No John Cena. The Great Khali still has a job, The Shield is about to collapse, Mark Jindrak (now known as Marco Corleone) is the hottest item in Mexico, and Daniel Bryan just became the newest member of The Wyatt Family.

You saw it. I saw it. Daniel Bryan conceded defeat, and joined with the cult-clan. He speech rang true. Bryan admitted how The Authority kept the WWE Championship away from him. How no matter how over he is with the fans, he just cannot win. With remorse on his face, he staggered away with his new brethren. This does leave some very interesting speculation whether this is the end of his pursuit of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. For months I pushed over and over how Bryan would rise up and win the Royal Rumble to go to WrestleMania 30, but it seems my own hopes have been dashed. However, it could be yet another swerve. Perhaps Bryan will be the man to remain in the employ of the Wyatt Family during the Royal Rumble match, and when it is time for the family to allow Bray Wyatt some sort of victory, the true American Dragon will emerge and eliminate all members, including Bray, to reveal some long-term plot of by Bryan to once again thwart those who will hold him down.

My friend Marty Strazynski (@muffnman) and I were chatting recently about possibilities for the Royal Rumble and WrestleMania. It began with wondering who might show up next week for the annual Old School RAW. We already know Ric Flair will show up, but who else will join the party? Shawn Michaels? New Age Outlaws? Goldberg, perhaps? Marty took notice of Diamond Dallas Page being in the promo for the Old School episode, so it would lead one to believe he will show up this year. Now, based on events from this past year, could we see Jake “The Snake” Roberts with him? Even more of a potential train wreck, Scott Hall? I would believe DDP would promote his Yoga Fitness and possibly talk about saving Roberts and Hall from self-destruction. Our conversation ultimately led to some sort of confrontation between DDP and Randy Orton has they try to pull off their finishers, realizing it is the same exact move. Then again, we could get a crazy main event, of The Snake vs. The Viper. To quote Tony Schiavonne, “yeah, that’ll put asses in seats.”

Brock Lesnar did something scary on Monday. I’m not referring to beating up Mark Henry, although that was all sorts of incredible. I am referring to the shrilling girlish scream Lesnar let out, not once, but twice post-demolition derby. You want to hear a roar, you listen over to Roman Reigns. You hear a battle cry like that in a dark alley, you’ll think a puma is about to rip your intestines out. The scream from Lesnar, well, I think I’d pull out some candy and toys as it’s the same thing I do when my girls scream for attention. I thought WWE told Lesnar to think before he opens his mouth. That is why Paul Heyman is with him. Geezuz, Lesnar is supposed to be a beast, a monster, a one-man wrecking ball, and in the span of four seconds, he sounds like a candidate for my wife’s speech therapy program. While I am cheaply plugging my talented Speech Therapist wife and her services, I cannot help but wonder if Brock Lesnar might truly be in need of therapy. You have a man who looks like a beast, acts like a beast, and intimidates like a beast. This is what WWE wants. WWE wants him to scare the crap out of you and when he comes on screen, you know the pain is coming. When you scream like he did, some of the aura is lost. I say some, because most people will forget the scream ever happened and hopefully focus on what counts, which is Lesnar beating the tar out of victims. I truly wonder if we are destined for Brock vs. Batista at WrestleMania 30. Last year, The Rock, a part-timer came back for a short time to lay claim to the title. Lesnar, like Rocky is getting paid millions of dollars (cue Prime Time Players) to perform just a few matches. Although we have the Royal Rumble to kick off the Road to WrestleMania, do not forget there is one more pay-per-view to go through, which is Elimination Chamber. The title could change hands there.

WWE is at an unpredictable and pivotal moment here. WrestleMania 30 is going to be the biggest event since WrestleMania 20. The McMahon Family will go all-out. It is an anniversary year and as a fan of sports-entertainment, I would expect nothing less. The only obstacle, is an overflow of not just main-event talent, but what I call the part-time-celebrity talent pool. Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, possibly Batista, The Rock, Ric Flair, Shawn Michaels, Triple H. Half this list may or may not compete. But it is WrestleMania and it is number 30. It will be big. I imagine the show will be four hours, maybe more. The roster is huge and unless there is some sort of pre-show Battle Royale, I am at a loss to figure out how they will cram this overcrowded roster into the Grandest Stage of Them All.

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