The WWE-ek: …Still Brain Dead

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Butt-hurt. Butt. Hurt.

I’m taking the low road this week, and not because I need a break from being all sophistimicated and intellegentlemanly about our always classy professional wrestling.

I was at a party this past week, and my friend Rob Cavallo, guitarist and vocalist of the Basement Generals, asked me and I quote “what’s with all the butt-hurt about Daniel Bryan?”

Forget the question, the fact he equated all the insanity to the phrase “butthurt” made me realize how far off the deep end the wrestling world has gone. We talked about the constant teasing and WWE practically giving its fans blue-balls every month thinking Bryan is about to main event or get the WWE Championship.

Wrestling fans are suffering from butt-hurt right now, and this becomes a clear sign we all need to calm our crap and get our brains in order. This past RAW we got a damn good show. Except for the main event of John Cena vs. Randy Orton, because that match is only “eight-million in a lifetime.” The only thing this matched showed is Orton cannot beat anyone on his own, thus showing everyone how much he is the wrong guy to be champion. Storyline or not, it works.

Then Randy goes and loses, clean, to Antonio Cesaro.

Yes. I just typed that. Mr. Cesaro pins Randy Orton. So, dear Randy, has lost to everyone except for Christian. I should add Christian was inadvertently punted into next week by Sheamus during their six-man tag against The Shield. That is besides the point. Point is, something is brewing, something really good. Orton losing to Cesaro shows us how WWE plans to make Cesaro into something main-event worthy in the next few weeks, and his placement in the Elimination Chamber match is not to be served as fodder. That, is clearly Christian’s role. Also, according to WWE.com he is now referred to as “Cesaro.” Weird.

Daniel Bryan has been kicking everyone’s ass right now. What majority of fans do not see right now, is having a match with Triple H is going to be the new novelty for WrestleMania or other major pay-per-views. He, along with Brock Lesnar and the Undertaker are going to be the “specialty match” guys going forward. However, I do agree with those who think WrestleMania 30 could be a lackluster ball of hype. Will anyone really care whether Batista defeats Randy Orton for the WWE Championship? I don’t. It was silly for WWE to throw him right into the main event of their biggest event of the decade. Who are people chanting for? Real Americans, Daniel Bryan, Damien Sandow, Dolph Ziggler, Big E. Langston, Roman Reigns, and The Wyatt Family. None of these people will be in the main event. Bray is rumored to go up against John Cena. Not sure what the point is of that. I find it very odd John Cena is not in the main event, yet for some reason Orton is. Why not Bryan? Why Batista? Makes you wonder what is really going on behind the scenes there. Was Batista in the right place and the right time to sign a contract guaranteeing him the WrestleMania championship match? Sorry, but this could turn into a terrible way to celebrate the 30th WrestleMania event. I would have expected The Rock or Stone Cold Steve Austin to pop-up. Not Batista. He doesn’t have the draw or the “aura” which says “WrestleMania main event.” Not at all. I could see him facing off with Brock Lesnar. The truth is, as confused as we all are, we are still getting an entertaining program week after week. Both Raw and SmackDown have delivered solid shows, even if we are watching Sandow and Ziggler job every week.

To sum it all up, the butt-hurt fans claim to be subject to is nothing more than the fans giving themselves the rear rash. WWE is not butt-hurting anyone, the fans are doing it to themselves. Time to calm down.

I was going to save this for later, but I am going to mention a WWE.com article where they listed 15 wrestlers “Your Forgot Were in WWE.” On this list is Braden Walker (aka Chris Harris of TNA), Eric Escobar, some guy named Super Porky, and The Heart Throbs.

That last one, should not be on the list. The Heart Throbs, consisting of Romeo Roselli and Antonio Thomas both showed promise and potential to succeed in WWE. Maybe I am over-analyzing the column, but they both performed like ring veterans and tangled with WWE Superstars of all shapes and sizes, from Hurricane and Rosey to William Regal and Tajiri. I believe had they been given the proper push and more exposure on WWE programming, they could have been extremely successful as they were one of the very few dedicated Tag Teams during a time where teams were assorted pairings of singles competitors. I’ll admit, I find columns like this funny, but this time I think an editor could have taken a second look and have been a bit more, I’ll put it as “polite” before writing something which can be perceived as putting down former talent who deserve a bit more respect for trying to succeed in what could have been an already difficult situation to succeed in.

I will tell you, Giovanni Roselli has become very successful since his run in WWE, being a top fitness expert in the field as well as been involved in numerous television programs and series. (To find out about Antonio Thomas, listen to Colt Cabana’s Art of Wrestling Podcast from Christmas 2013.)

In any case, that is all I have today since I spent most of my week shoveling snow. Enough of the winter already, bring me sunlight.

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