You got me. I did not mention Wade Barrett in my SummerSlam column. I humbly apologize to everyone who I let down. I will do my best to make it up to you tonight.
What didn’t I mention from last night? Rhonda Rousey was in attendance, noticed when Stephanie McMahon walked around ringside in her S&M ring gear flashing what appeared to be some sort of gang-hand-sign, but turned out to be something the UFC Women’s Wrecking Machine flashes before her fights.
See, we go crazy when watching Brock Lesnar toss John Cena around with German suplexes, but I guess to the recently debuting German announce team it was nothing special. Match must have been boring. Once again, Brock Lesnar did exactly what Paul Heyman said he would do. Win the title, beat Cena. Boy, did he BEAT Cena. It was nothing like their botched match from Extreme Rules two years ago. Brock owned Cena the entire time. Cena got only two of his five moves in. It was a slaughter, and probably the most entertaining demolition derby I have ever seen in a long time. WWE said Brock hit him with sixteen suplexes, but I do not think that counted a couple vertical and belly-to-back suplexes. I have never seen a match where Cena was completely annihilated. I believe this was the point WWE Creative chose to get across. Brock, sweating like faucets were attached to every pore in his body, just mauled Cena from the get-go, however allowing enough moments in the match for fans to think “Ah ha! THIS is when Cena will hulk up!” Except he didn’t. He lost. Internet reports were consistent, Cena was booed out of the arena after SummerSlam went off the air, and even the crowd chanting the “Na Na Na… Goodbye song.”
Keep in mind folks, the point was for Brock to decimate Cena, and you got just that. There was one, albeit unconfirmed rumor, Cena opted to sleepwalk through the match since he felt upset about losing the WWE Championship so quickly. Again, unconfirmed, no proof. I highly doubt Cena is done for, but as usual, one can never be certain what WWE plans to do next.
Tonight we see the logo officially change to the logo being used for the WWE Network. It’s on the microphones, turnbuckle pads, and the title belts and will replace the current logo on the new WWE Championship belt.
We start off RAW with a dud of a promo, as Stephanie McMahon starts the show with Nikki Bella who is clearly a heel, because she is now dressed like a cheap whore. Steph is sporting a red t-shirt with “Steph! Steph! Steph!” as a clear mock towards Daniel Bryan. Steph gloats about her victory until Brie Bella shows up to talk sense to her sister which fails as Nikki decks her, sending Brie away crying while Stephanie stands there shocked. Segment was pretty bad, didn’t help when Nikki tripped and lost her shoe on her way to the ring.
At least the first match got the live crowd going, as Luke Harper and Erick Rowan took a loss to the powerhouse tandem of Big Show and Mark Henry. Not a squash by a longshot. Harper impressively hit a huge bodyslam on Big Show, while Harper blasted both opponents with huge strikes. Decent paced match, crowd huge behind both Henry and Show. Show blasted both Wyatts with the KO Punch as Henry splattered Rowan with the World’s Strongest Slam for the win. Nice match.
Backstage: Ric Flair congratulates Dolph Ziggler on his win of the Intercontinental Championship, but is interrupted by The Miz. I believe he is wearing the same tablecloth from last night. Miz calls himself an A-lister, while Ziggler retorts with the comeback of “you’re just an A-hole!” Oh snap! Flair Wooooos to close it.
Backstage: Seth Rollins says he won the Lumberjack match fair and square. As he proclaims to be the future WWE Champion, Renee Young runs away. A confused Rollins is then recipient of a bucket of ice water. He turns around to see Dean Ambrose, who nonchalantly remarks: “What? It’s for charity!” They fight. Brilliant segment. Brilliant.
Where is Wade Barrett?
Seth Rollins continues the backstage segment by barging into a conversation between Triple H and Kane. Rollins demands Triple H do something. Triple H then tells Rollins he gets Ambrose tonight in a rematch in which the fans decide the stipulation. Kane looks like a doof.
Switching from serious to weird, Paige tells us all how she “loves” AJ. During the match she straddles Natalya before headbutting her repeatedly. AJ skips around the ring, allowing Natalya to roll Paige up for the pin! Ha! Natalya actually wins a match! AJ then cuts the same promo Paige cut but the new Divas champion runs away as the live crowd starts chanting CM Punk. Go figure. So, AJ vs. Paige try to out-crazy each other. This will either get interesting or horrible.
In an obvious lack of thought, the choices for Ambrose vs. Rollins are:
No Holds Barred
Falls Count Anywhere
Uh, this means the first two choices are the same, and third choice is the same except a pinfall or submission can happen outside the ring. Who comes up with this crap?
Top of the hour, which means we get quality entertainment. Triple H and Stephanie come out to present the new WWE World Championship. Triple H says last night’s main event was epic, watching two men give it their all. Uh… What match was he watching? Thankfully Michael Cole and company are right there to talk about how one-sided the match was and never before have they seen one man completely dominate another. So, I am hoping this meant Triple H was being cynical. Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar arrive and are presented with the new championship by The Authority. They take some photo ops and enjoy the presentation.
HHH and Steph leave, allowing The Rabbi of Wrestling to begin his sermon tonight. Chants of “Thank you Lesnar” can be heard. As Mr. Heyman introduces himself as the one behind the one who beat the one who thought he would retain against the one in twenty-one and one. I have no more words, because the Rabbi cut the greatest promo since last week. He single-handedly puts over John Cena better than WWE has been trying to do for a decade. Then announced Brock’s new motto: “Eat. Sleep. Suplex. Repeat, saying the last two sixteen times, as that was the number of German suplexes he threw Cena around with. Go on WWE.com and find the promo, it was a genius’ work of art. Sorry, if you were looking for a recap of his speech, there are simply no words in the dictionary to properly give respect to what Heyman said tonight. None.
Ring announcer Justin Roberts made me laugh, as it occurred to me how The Miz is announced from Hollywood, California and Dolph Ziggler hails from Hollywood, Florida. Funny stuff. We get our Intercontinental Championship rematch. Sadly, the match does not go long as Ziggler winds up getting counted out after superkicking Miz while on the apron, Miz flopping in the ring and the champ falls to the floor, selling the leg injury from last night. Miz gets pissy and attacks Ziggles, but the Show Off has the last laugh with a Zig Zag in the middle of the ring. Not sure what the purpose of this match was supposed to be, except for JBL claiming Dolph was faking the injury all along.
Backstage: Jack Swagger is interviewed by Renee Young, and we see how the All American American passed out to the Accolade, and Rusev then assaulted Zeb Colter. Swagger talks about failing, but says the spirit of America is all about fighting on, because that is what “We the People” is about. He heads to the ring, minus Zeb Colter. For a guy with a speech impediment, he cut a decent promo. JBL pours on the hate tonight, or pours more alcohol into his Mountain Dew as he bashes Swagger for losing the Flag Match last night and “letting America down” and failing to be a true patriot. Well, Swagger loses again tonight to Cesaro, cleanly. Post match, Swagger plays up the dejection. Bo Dallas then comes out and adds to Swagger’s shame by pointing out how much he is a failure to America for losing to Rusev last night.
Backstage Renee interviews Chris Jericho who puts over Bray Wyatt and his creep-factor, but also says he plans on coming out on top of this feud. JBL rants some more about being tired of losers making excuses for themselves. JBL may have had one too many tonight.
In a six-man tag match where only two are relevant, Randy Orton teams up with Rybaxel to take on Roman Reigns, Sheamus, and Rob Van Dam. Sheamus was not involved in SummerSlam at all which was an odd move by WWE Creative, not to have the United States Championship on the line. Rob Van Dam has been useless for the last three months. I am wondering if Orton being paired with Rybaxel is punishment, or Rybaxel is being rewarded somehow. Orton and Reigns put on a great match last night. This match feels too random with me. The live crowd feels the same way as they chant “Feed Me More” and “Ryback Rules” throughout the match. Orton tags him in and the crowd loses their minds. They are in Las Vegas, so Ryback is the hometown favorite. Match was decently paced, Orton didn’t do much except kick and punch, then eat a Spear from Reigns, while Axel took the brunt of the beatings and fell victim to a Five Star Frog Splash from RVD. Yes, Rob Van Dam got the pinfall for his team. I am shocked.
They keep replaying Nikki slapping Brie. Commentary team seems to think this never happened before.
Backstage: Ric Flair offers Randy Orton some post-loss advice, Orton ignores Flair, reminding him he used to be called the Legend Killer for a reason. Flair backs off.
Bray Wyatt cuts a creepy promo, promising more than we thought possible from the Eater of Worlds.
Usos are out to face off with The Dusts, and JBL comments “What did Dusty do to these kids?” Wow. Anyone else notice the tag team division died quietly? Cody Rhodes pulls a surprise victory with a rollup. Match was decent, not great, but perhaps WWE testing the waters for a face/face tag team title match in the future?
Rusev is out with Lana, and her promo is interrupted fast by Mark Henry. He talks about representing the United States twice in the Olympics. He calls Rusev a jackass and invites him for a tour inside the Hall of Pain. Of course, this breaks down into a brawl in which Henry plants Rusev with the World’s Strongest Slam and Lana is not happy as she watches in horror as Henry then adds insult to injury with a big splash. This could be a good feud, I suppose Swagger vs. Rusev is done and overwith, and now it is time for Rusev to move onto a bigger opponent.
We have our main event, and wisely either the WWE App users or WWE creative opted for the Falls Count Anywhere match between Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins. The match goes to the outside early on, Ambrose dishing out the punishment while Rollins takes every shot and bump like a champ. They cut to commercial, and back we see a replay for Rollins baseball-swinging a kendo stick, connecting with Ambrose as he leaps from the ring to the floor. We got suplexes on the entranceway, chair shots, kendo sticks, oh my! Great moment, Rollins is down in the ring, and Ambrose tosses about a dozen chairs into the ring, but instead of a superplex, Rollins counters and powerbombs Ambrose onto the pile. Corporate Kane emerges from the crowd, but Rollins tells him “he’s got this.” Rollins brings a table into the ring, and goes for the curb stomp, but Ambrose surprises him with a superplex through it! Kane gets involved, and Ambrose fights him off, while also maintaining his dominance of the match over Rollins. However, Kane loses it and chokeslams Ambrose onto an announce table, allowing Rollins to hit a Curb Stomp. Instead, Rollins orders Kane to “finish him” and Kane reveals a pile of cinderblocks hidden underneath a table. Kane holds Ambrose down, and Rollins hits one final Curb Stomp, putting the head of Dean Ambrose through the “concrete” blocks. The match is awarded to Rollins, but we get all serious about potential injury and all that. Seth Rollins wanted Ambrose stopped, so, The Authority tries to end his career.
So, Kane ditches the mask, and still goes around beating people up. Odd. Main event match, by the way, the first time there was an actual match to close RAW for the first time in about three months, ends in a cliffhanger. But it was still an awesome match, because what else can Rollins and Ambrose do besides put on incredible performances.
This felt like a long RAW. Too much going on, or too drawn out. At least they toned down the WWE Network pitches for a while. No John Cena tonight. Mystery is in the air.
Something was missing, and it wasn’t John Cena. Oh yeah…
… Damien Sandow.