TV Recap: WWE RAW is Redundant

RAWlogo2

 

CM Punk is now a writer for Marvel Comics. I am NOT making this up. This is the coolest news I have heard in a long time. I might just start picking up books he writes, as I am very curious to see if he can pull it off. I believe he can. Aside from being a comic-nerd like the rest of us, he also possesses a genius mind and the skill to succeed.

Check it out on Marvel.com

 

RAW was taped live from Liverpool, England today. Which means, there is a good chance you’ve already read the spoilers. Well, I still enjoy doing a recap, so here goes.

Lots of “Where’s our Network” chants. In case you did not know, the WWE Network was supposed to go live in the UK this month, but just hours before the launch, some sort of “problem” caused WWE to call off the launch.

I’m still laughing at my wife’s list of who should be fired last night. Could you just imagine if Paul Heyman managed Zack Ryder to the WWE Championship, or if instead of Brock, it was King Broski who ended the Undertaker’s streak?

Yeah, me neither. But it’s good to laugh once in a while.

Speaking of laughing, John Cena comes out and rambles on about Survivor Series, saying he doesn’t know who his team is, but then goes and announces Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger for his team. So, he does know. He brings up Ryback, and the crowd pops huge for “the Big Guy.” Their chat is interrupted by The Authority and Mark Henry, who is then announced to face Ziggler tonight. More “Where’s our Network” chants. Triple H and Cena even bring up Daniel Bryan, but sadly he won’t be joining any team anytime soon. Everyone makes their pitch for Ryback, and he opts to clobber Cena and walk away with Triple H and company. So much for the babyface routine.

Wow, Ryback is a hotter commodity than I thought.

In a short-and-sweet match, Seth Rollins pinned Jack Swagger. Good match, and Swagger, while even on the losing end is still able to get huge crowd support. I hope Swagger continues to stay afloat in over-crowded waters. Rollins will roll over everyone. He’s being booked hard, even when he loses, he still comes out a winner.

Dean Ambrose promo, more mindgames with Bray Wyatt. I love this feud. These guys fought before during the Shield/Wyatt Family feud, and now I expect an even better performance from these two.

Backstage: Kane reassures Ryback he made the right call, but somehow this ticks off Ryback.

Paige beat Alicia Fox. Decent match actually.

Backstage again: Stephanie McMahon chats with Lana, reminding her it is because of the Authority giving Rusev what he wanted, he is now United States Champion.

Sheamus interrupts Rusev and Lana’s celebration over winning the United States Championship. Rumors flying about WWE considering retiring the title. One main event title and one mid-card belt? That hasn’t happened in years. I remember when that was the norm. Before WWE, WCW, and ECW all merged. Makes me old. Doesn’t it?

In any event, Sheamus gets his rematch, but comes up short in a short match. Likely was rushed since the Authority was out, most of the important action takes place post-match where they assist Rusev in beating down on Sheamus. At this point Rusev agrees to join Team Authority. Duh. Two segments later, Sheamus joins Team Cena. Duh times two.

In a great match, Miz and Damien Mizdow defeat Los Matadores. Once again, Mizdow steals the attention for this one, and for a bit the Matadores try some stunt-doubling, but fails. It even says Damien Mizdow on the WWE.com superstars page. I am not making this up. What became an absolute farce was witnessing Hornswoggle join Miz and Mizdow. This is stupid. Every time El Torito it out, Hornswoggle has to dress up as something to resemble Los Matadores’ opponents? He must go through more costume changes than when Al Snow held the European Championship.

Backstage: Triple H bans Cena from ringside during the Ziggler/Henry match.

In the ring: Mark Henry throws the match by waffling Ziggles with a chair. Is it just me, or when they do overseas they either put on a killer show, or a rush-fest with way too many backstage segments. This time I feel it is the latter. Big Show lumbers out to chase off Henry, and announces he is joining Team Cena.

Odd, I thought that happened LAST WEEK.

AJ Lee defeated Brie Bella. Primus Almighty I HATE this stupid Bella gimmick. Post match Nikki beats up AJ Lee. She gets a title match at Survivor Series. Crap.

Tyson Kidd picks up yet another huge win by defeating Adam Rose, when the Bunny interferes. Yes, once again, a guy dressed in a huge rabbit outfit wastes our oxygen and television time. If he becomes the Killer Bunny from Monty Python, all will be forgiven. Right now, nothing is forgiven. Nothing at all. Erick Rowan showed up. If WWE even dares makes him a Rosebud, I will slaughter a goat.

But hey, go Tyson Kidd! Keep plowing through garbage no one cares about and he’ll be WWE Championship bound in no time!

In the main event, we got a time-waster when John Cena defeated Ryback when Kane stepped into the ring. For some dumb reason, Kane and Ryback argued, until Seth Rollins tried to break it up. Stupid, as Ryback decked Rollins. Kane, got angry, because what else does a guy in a suit do, and slugs Ryback. The rest of Team Authority charged the ring and took down Cena and his team as they attempted to pull off the rescue. Instead, Ryback returns (sounds like a movie title) and beats up all of Team Authority on his own. While the good guys regrouped, Dolph Ziggler was found unconscious, at the hands of yet another “Plan B” by the Authority, one creepy crazy Luke Harper. From Wyatt Family to Corporate Family. I am a tad worried here.

Does it mean Ryback played the Authority all along? Was this a plot by Cena to rattle the confidence of the corporate kind? Frankly I do not care, as this was a terrible edition of RAW. The setups were forced or predictable, and I don’t know about you, half of these promos felt like they all happened last week.

In any event, we now have:

Team Cena – John Cena, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, Big Show, Sheamus, and maybe Ryback.

Team Authority – Seth Rollins, Mark Henry, Kane, Rusev.

 

Predicting at the very last minute, Randy Orton will return OUTTA NOWHERE to join Cena as well, unless his legit injury keeps him off television past Survivor Series.