Real Men Talk Reality TV: Real Housewives of Atlanta

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Real Housewives of Atlanta: Season 7, Episode 8

BB: Luke, we’ve been all over this great country of ours with various real housewives. However, we have not gone to the Dirty South to hang with The Real Housewives of Atlanta. So, grab a delicious peach and let’s get “strictly dickly” with the sassy ladies of RHOA.

LK: I’ve seen this show more than a handful of times because my fiance absolutely loves it. I don’t exactly pay attention though, so my knowledge of this show is incredibly shallow. What I do know is that every single one of these women are sassy to the extreme. It’s almost like they live to fight with each other. It’s absurd.

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BB: But here’s what I like about them – they go right at each other and with absolutely no holding back. Other housewives do a lot of back talking and when the confrontation comes it’s all about talking around the issues. These woman come at each other something fierce.

LK: It’s usually over dinner too! These past two episodes have seen the Atlanta women come together at some unfortunate restaurant/club/tavern/eatery to eat, drink, and air grievances. It almost always ends with yelling about something. I feel bad for the waiters.

BB: But, this time around, things did get solved? I mean if you call drunken douchebaggery and weird hugs resolution.

LK: Yeah, if this show was going for a cliffhanger it completely missed that mark. The episode ended with the ladies talking about dancing. It was actually pretty weird.

BB: I guess the cliffhanger was…will they dance?? Speaking of what the hell was up with Claudia’s reunion with her mom and grandmother?

LK: You mean Flava Flav and Old Lady, the newest hip-hop duo? I have no idea. That whole part was exceedingly bizarre. Claudia had no connection to anyone else and just appeared so we can get shots of this bar that reminds me of the Capitol from The Hunger Games. Seriously, it made me laugh uncontrollably.

BB: Her mom sounded like a slow ass version of Borat.

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LK: Bill that’s offensive to a fictional character that resulted in an entire country condemning a British comedian.

BB: What’s truly funny is those drag queens inside the “Capitol”, aka Lips, all looked better than NeNe when she was wearing her chopped up Lady Gaga-inspired wig.

LK: Her hairstyle either reminded me of Emmet from The Lego Movie or Lady Gaga/a bale of hay. If someone were to go up to her with a match, she would light up like a signal fire.

BB: I kinda wish someone did. Speaking of fire  – there was some definite flames that were being fanned by Kandi.

LK: Kandi was at what is unquestionably the worst dinner party ever. Not only were 75% of the people there old women, they were drinking out of solo cups and eating fried chicken with biscuits. I love fried chicken, but come on. Stereotypes. Her mother Mama Joyce was there too and she’s nuts. I feel like everyone there is just leeching off Kandi’s success.

BB: Forget setting NeNe’s wig on fire, I want to burn my TV every time Mama Joyce comes on. She has one of the all-time worst voices I’ve ever heard. It’s like nails on a chalkboard combined with acid being poured down my ear canals.

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LK: That’s actually putting it mildly. I’d rather have my eyes scooped out with melon baller and my ears stabbed with rusty railroad spikes than continue dealing with Mama Joyce.

BB: I guess that explains why the solo cups were there. Drowning their sorrows with whiskey or bleach.

LK: What I have difficulty figuring out is why everyone on this show wears clothes or has objects colored hot pink. What is this? A Pepto Bismol commercial? Do these women constantly have upset stomachs and indigestion?

BB: It’s perfect product placement! The dialogue makes your stomach upset, you see the most hideous pink outfits ever and then “oh what a relief it is” indeed! I mean, it’s more subtle than the blatant RHONJ Dunkin’ Donuts references.

LK: I’m just waiting for this show to reach max capacity. One of the housewives walking down the street, head to toe in pink, belting out how she had stomach problems and exclaiming how much she loves Pepto for a straight 30 minutes. We’re halfway there.

BB: Well, it’s better than five minutes of “mmm..hmmms” and weird hugs…and NO DANCING.

LK: SERIOUSLY. Where is the dancing. You can’t leave us like this RHOA.

BB: It’s the Christmas season…y’all just broke our hearts.

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