WWE Monday Night RAW Gets Nuts

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RAW kicks off with some fun stuff, Enzo and Cass playing verbal tag with Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho. Nice Sesame Street joke. Since the tag match is saved for SummerSlam, tonight we get Enzo vs. Chris Jericho, which could be a PPV match itself. The match closes in a DQ when Big Cass gets ticked off and winds up punting everyone with boots.

Backstage: Sasha Banks and Mick Foley discuss an interesting stipulation, if Sasha defeats Dana Brooke in a match, she is banned from ringside. If Dana wins, the Women’s Championship match becomes a handicap match.

Braun Strowman defeats another jobber. Not sure if there is a purpose to this.

Puff Daddy Diddy Diddly whatever chats it up with Mick Foley. Then meets up with Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods, apparently Big E.’s nuts still have some cracks in it.

Titus O’Neal and Darren Young continue their rivalry, this time around it is Young who gets the win via pinfall with a tight-pulling assist. So, yeah. I like them getting airtime again, but man, a dead crowd and the entrances aren’t even televised? It is as if WWE doesn’t want anyone to care. But I do care. These guys are talented, and deserve better. Hopefully either they reform as a team, or someone breaks out with a singles career.

Seth Rollins is out next for his promo on Finn Balor. The “oh damn” moment comes early, saying “Rollins is to Balor as Leto is to Ledger.” Yeesh. Too soon? He cuts some disparaging remarks about Balor being a phony and ripping other gimmicks off. Weird. Rollins finally gets intense about being the best in the business and meaning of being champion. Balor does not appear, yet.

Sheamus and Cesaro get a second round, and once again, they put on a pretty decent match. A lot of teasing to see Sheamus possibly winning, but Cesaro manages to roll up Sheamus for the pinfall win.

Video package highlighting the careers of Orton and Lesnar, beginning in OVW.

The Dudley Boyz are back on RAW, and they face Neville and… Sin Cara? Aw hell. The crowd is dead, I’m dead, we’re all dead. No one cares as Sin Botcha and Neville get the win.

Rusev and Lana are out in wedding attire as they decide to tease us with a reenactment of their wedding vows. The segment is purposefully being dragged long to make us hate the happy couple, so when Roman Reigns finally interrupts, WWE hopes we will be happy to see him. He does get a mixed reaction, the inevitable Lana-face-in-the-cake-and-my-dress-is-ruined bit happens, and we get a laugh. A laugh that this is actually happening. Backstage, Lana and Rusev complain to Mick Foley, who books Rusev vs. Reigns at SummerSlam, and the United States Championship will be on the line.

Daniel Bryan is in the building to have a chat with Mick Foley.

Neat little replay of the RAW in 1993 where the 1-2-3-Kid pins Razor Ramon.

Finn Balor cuts a taped promo about his legacy of Irish mythology. Interesting history lesson. It is a bit detached since this is a taped promo and not live like Seth Rollins. The promo turns to a story about demons and it appears Finn Balor will be in “Demon Mode” come SummerSlam, much like what he did in NXT.

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson cut a hysterical taped segment, posing as doctors and making references and puns about Big E. and “ringpostitis.” I am sure it must be on WWE.com or YouTube by now. Oh wow I was laughing too hard.

Corey Graves has the line of the night “first I thought Gallows and Anderson went too far, but once they gave it a name and cut an entertaining promo, I’m okay with it.” Kofi Kingston faces Gallows, who makes short work of the tag team champion. Seriously. Close to squash level.

The sadness continues as we get a bizarre segment involving Goldust, R-Truth, and Scooby Doo. I don’t even know what happened.

In what I thought was the final segment, Daniel Bryan and Mick Foley initially toss compliment grenades across the borders.  This goes right into the “invasion” and false apologies for the actions of Randy Orton and Brock Lesnar. They talk about champions, when suddenly, Rusev shows up and proclaims himself the “one true champion.” Suddenly his tirade is interrupted by Cesaro who demands a championship match. Foley initially balks, but Bryan eggs him on and praises Cesaro, and pointing out that he has been “underutilized.” This prompts Foley to book Cesaro vs. Rusev for the U.S. Title, NOW.

RAW runs way past the 11 o’clock mark as Rusev and Cesaro put on a really great show. The real seat jumper, Cesaro had Rusev locked in the Sharpshooter, Sheamus ran down, but Cesaro knocked him off only to eat a superkick. Cesaro rebounded, so did Sheamus and the ref got caught in a collision. Rusev was planted by the Neutralizer, but no ref to count. This allowed Sheamus and Rusev to knock Cesaro with boots and kicks, leaving Cesaro prey to a pinfall. Great match, sucky finish.

Roman Reigns spears Rusev to close the show. Oy vey.

Next week, Brock Lesnar and Rabbi Paul Heyman will be live, as Seth Rollins calls out the alter ego of Finn Balor, The Demon King.