Good job Flash writers. Also I hate you.
Let’s get the hate out of the way first.
Do not play with my emotions like that. Captain Cold was my favorite character on the show. He wasn’t on nearly enough, but I always hoped the writers would manage to naturally ease him into the role as leader of the Rogues.
SPOILER ALERT FROM A DIFFERENT SHOW FOR SOME REASON
On Legends of Tomorrow (a show he had no business being on in the first place), Captain Cold pulled an Armageddon and stayed behind to trigger the bomb, wiping him from existence. It was cute at the time but the implications for Flash seemed pretty clear. The show’s best character and Barry’s signature villain was dead.
So imagine my surprise when Snart showed up in the cast list and images from The New Rogues. My interest was peaked. And there plenty of ways to bring him back. Maybe he was alive in this time line as a result of Flashpoint. Maybe they pulled him out of an alternate Earth, which is apparently way easier than that sounds. There is a Cowboy Earth. That would explain why he talks like that a lot better than what the show has been using this far which is “He’s weird”. Maybe he just had an identical twin brother. All of those would have worked and would still work, Flash writers. Wink Wink.
Alas it turned out that this was just a mix of Flashback Snart and Hologram Snart, my least two favorite Snarts. At least he said “Bang” when he pretended to fire his weapon. His spirit lives on in Cisco.
Otherwise, the episode was not bad.
Mirror Master worked. His origin story was the right amount of comic booky and just plain old silly. His power played better on screen than any Rogue I can remember besides maybe The Gasman or whatever his name was from Season 1. I liked the whole “he always wears a nice suit” thing. Originally I didn’t buy it but not only does it draw a strong contrast to Snart (weeps) who never really cared about the money, the suit also gives him a pretty unique look. That’s something a lot of the other non-Trickster Rogues could use. A leather jacket over a hoodie only goes so far.
Top on the other hand did not work. First of all, her power was lame. She went from Tasmanian Devil in the comics to Hangover Girl on the show. It’s also disappointing that she has the Count Vertigo power, since he is another fun a-list villain that we lost too soon. Top’s constant twirling was pretty wonky as gimmick, since the rest of it didn’t really hold up. And Top’s acting was flatter than Barry in that mirror. I don’t blame the actress. I have a feeling that one came from the top, pun intended.
And before you say, “Top doesn’t matter that much”, let’s take a look at the state of the Rogues. Captain Cold: see above. Heat Wave is Doctor Whoing about with the rest of the misfit toys. Magenta is 16 and good. Girder is dead. Trickster can only play when JJ Abrams lets him out of the house. Pied Paper is good and never around anyway. Weather Wizard is in prison. Boomerang is on the island prison, which is much worse. Doctor Light went back to her own dimension with Poochie. And who knows what happened to Golden Glider? Dr Alchemy is still going and I don’t really consider Reverse Flash to be a “Rogue” since he isn’t really a team player. Example: in the Flashpoint Paradox movie, Reverse Flash pretends to join the Rogues but that’s really just a cover so that he can kill them all. Not a team player. Same goes for Grodd, who also isn’t even on Earth 1 anymore anyway. That leaves Abra Kadabra, Shade, Ragdoll, and a handful of other less memorable ones. And a few of them have other incarnations, but that’s it. We can’t be wasting Rogues.
- Harry and Cisco doing the Rick and Marty schtick was great. Although it was a pretty boneheaded decision to not pick the clearly superior French Wells.
- Harry’s reference to his Earth’s Mirror Master was not only a great way to make a very goofy nickname fit but also a fun nod to the original character. We need more of those. Hope new Harry (HR) has some.
- HR was a lot of fun until the trailers made him seem evil. Why does every Harrison Wells need a deep dark secret? Also why do their voices have to revert to the first Wells voice? Maybe I’m reading too far into this.
- The Barry/Iris relationship is weird, Joe. You’re not crazy. Everything you pointed out is true. That doesn’t change the fact that the writers had the wild idea to make the two characters destined to be together also pretty much twins.
- The Wally/Jessie relationship is fine but rushed. Hopefully we will get a good reason for that one to develop besides the facts that they’re the same age and are likely to be speedsters someday soon.
- Also I don’t really understand why they’re both single. She’s a good looking girl who’s also a genius. Why didn’t she already find someone on Earth-2? Same goes for Wally. He’s handsome and drives nice cars. What more do you need, Central City ladies? Maybe it’s because they spend all of their time in STAR Labs. Get out there, you two.
- The Joe/whoever relationship needs to happen NOW. It’s crazy that we’ve gone this long and all that’s happened to Joe is that his ex wife died and that blonde lady in the Allen house smiled at him.
- Jessie is an idiot. Every new speedster seems to have a really big problem listening to rules. I’m sure when we see her next, she’ll be a pro.
- Barry realizing that he was turning into Oliver was cute.
- Caitlin is gonna get caught because she’s still really bad at keeping secrets, which has been demonstrated many times previously. I know no one at STAR Labs locks the door, but are there at least cameras? I thought that was how we figured out who stole the cold gun. I could be wrong.
- I don’t know what Harry told the team as he went through the portal, but he should definitely use the fancy new reality phone the invented earlier that day to clear it up. I have a feeling that phone will go into the time vault with Gideon, the Tachyon device, and all of the other forgotten devices that would solve all of the shows problems. Maybe that’s where Pied Paper is.
- Next week it looks like we’re getting some sort of Cloverfield monster so I guess this means we’re just giving up on the Rogues altogether.
Matthew Nando Kelly is an incredibly cool and handsome Senior Staff Writer for Pop-Break who was allowed to write his own bio. Besides weekly Flash recaps, he focuses on film, television, music, and video games. Matthew also has a podcast called Mad Bracket Status where he discusses pop culture related brackets with fellow Pop-Break writer DJ Chapman. He has an unshakable love for U2, cats, and the New Orleans Saints. His twitter handle is @NationofNando. Did we mention how handsome he was?