Not a hoax! Not a dream!
I feel like Eric Bischoff’s theme should be playing while you read this column. With all the holidays over, I can get back to astounding you, my loyal readers with some words of wit and wisdom on the weekly drama of WWE.
Yes, we have yet another major supercard tonight, WWE Hell in a Cell. The main event, I believe is the Women’s Championship match, Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte in the Cell. Women’s Championship match as the show-closer? Women in the Hell in a Cell? Mick Foley’s promo on Monday hit so-close to home. Watching Foley, year after year putting his body on the line, watching others pull similar stunts, one has to wonder if Banks and Flair are going to put their bodies on the line as ferociously we have seen the male athletes. There might be many who feel this is overkill on WWE’s part, others feel this is another advance in equality of status in sports-entertainment.
Let’s just get to it, Banks and Charlotte have given us great matches. These might be the best performers in the company. I’m sure someone will argue this point, and I hope so. Because when women can main event a pay-per-view styled event, we have two things. One, women are just as good, or better than the male wrestlers. Two, it breaks the mold where the women’s matches are novelty and not mainstream. Did I ever think in a million years women would be featured in a Hell in a Cell match? Not a chance. I am glad to see this day happening.
With this in mind, a monumental match like this needs a memorable finish, in which I believe Sasha Banks will retain the WWE Women’s Championship.
Okay, I just went on a wonderful roll, now I’m going to fall back to the rest of the card? Well, as they say… Ladies’ first…
The pre-show will feature Cedric Alexander, Lince Dorado, and Sin Cara vs. Ariya Davari, Tony Nese, and Drew Gulak. I’ll be hated for this, but I want the heels to win. I love Alexander. I really do. He’s amazing and the passion he carries into the ring is remarkable. But, I love the combo of Nese and Gulak. Davari is good, but just doesn’t do it for me. Nese needs to shave off that ridiculous beard, grow some mic skills, and Gulak can stop raiding Glacier’s rejected wardrobe. Take them off the cruiserweights, put them on SmackDown, and feud with American Alpha. Those matches would be off the charts. I feel like on the pre-show, they may be allowed to get away with more than what they usually do, so I’m hoping for a good crowd pleaser and a win for Gulak, Nese, and Davari.
Speaking of Cruiserweights, I believe Brian Kendrick will win the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. Don’t all gasp at once. I love Perkins, Mr. Mega Man theme has all my support, but when you are on RAW you have to tell a compelling story, and Perkins story begins tonight. Kendrick will win by dubious methods, which will turn Perkins from champion to championship chaser. This will get Perkins over in a more agreeable fashion and Kendrick can go full-on heel mode with having other faces challenge for the title.
Bayley will defeat Dana Brooke. I don’t care about Brooke, and Bayley needs to move onto someone more worthwhile. Alicia Fox maybe?
Maybe we’re being played. Gallows and Anderson are on an embarrassing losing streak. Honestly, it is believable they could job to The Shining Stars or The Spirit Squad. Tonight, they face off in what hopes to be a short-lived feud, maybe the reason why they have been losing so much, is to make us think they will be trounced by Enzo & Big Cass, but they will win, leaving us all shocked. Strangely, I have a hard time predicting who will win, so let’s just go with being trounced by Enzo and Big Cass.
In a weird one, Cesaro and Sheamus will challenge The New Day for the WWE Tag Team Championships. This is just too odd. I mean, New Day have been champs for nearly 500 days, and they’ll lose to an odd-couple pairing like Cesaro and Sheamus? It wouldn’t make sense to me. It might make sense to the booking team, but no sense to anyone else. It would be a serious letdown if the New Day fell to Cesaro & Sheamus. There is very little build and I would be surprised if it went down this way. But, stranger things happen. Regardless, I hope sanity will prevail and The New Day retain.
In another Hell in a Cell match, Roman Reigns will retain the United States Championship against Rusev. I have no reasons. No proof. No nothing. It’s Roman Reigns. It’s WWE. It’s the way it is.
Finally, the WWE Universal Championship match, featuring Seth Rollins challenging Kevin Owens in Hell in a Cell. Maybe Chris Jericho will get involved somehow. Or someone else. Triple H? The match, I have little doubt will be awesome, and we will get some crazy spots. At this point, we know what to expect in HIAC matches, so I really couldn’t add much more that speculation for interference or a twist of an ending. My pick, is going to Kevin Owens.