The Flash: Cisco is a Hologram and Barry has a Turtle

Hold on a second. Does HR bring those drumsticks everywhere?

Like when he is getting ready to leave the house does he say “Alright I have my phone, keys, wallet, fedora, face changing thing…I know I’m forgetting something. Oh right! It’s that drumstick that I twirl around obsessively because either the actor that plays me learned how to do it between seasons or because the writers really want to pull this Abra Kadabra thread. How could I forget my classic drumstick?”

Instruments aside, this week on the Flash brought us two significant developments. The first is that Barry, in fact, can alter the timeline to prevent Iris’ death. The second is that  Caitlin is absolutely 100% going to be Killer Frost in a couple of weeks. Let’s start with the timeline.

Was there any doubt as to whether the timeline would change were it to be fucked? Hasn’t that been the driving force behind almost every major plot development up until this point in the series? Did everyone completely forget about FlashPoint, the event in which Barry went back in time and proved that you can affect the timeline?

And don’t we know better by now? This kind of meddling never works out. Even Jay, the most experience Speedster on the show, sat Barry down and told him not to do what he is doing. When someone like Jay tells you not to do something, you DON’T DO THAT THING. I have a feeling this is going to result in Joe’s death. It will be clear that Barry changed the timeline but it will still be a shitty result. It won’t matter anyway because we can always open a rift and borrow Cowboy Joe until Jesse L Martin gets tired of this.

But no Barry, go ahead and ask HR for advice on this one. “Hey I know you’re a washed-up science fiction writer who is so bad at writing that he had to travel to another universe. What are your thoughts on time travel? I am willing to ignore all the real scientists and more seasoned speedsters for your infinite wisdom. Also, did you remember to invite people to the museum opening?” Good going Barry.

But we did get a fun moment where Barry and Cisco were reading the news ticker to give the team and the audience an idea of what’s to come. (You see, Batman v Superman. That is how you do that kind of thing. Use that Knightmare dream sequence to introduce your new characters instead of a goddamn  USB drive.) The information we got was this.

  • Music Meister gets six book deals
  • City recovering from gorilla attack
  • Joe West is honored by the city
  • Killer Frost still at large (sad)
  • STAR Labs Museum closes (even sadder)

And we knew about most of those plot points. The only surprise there is that the museum is going to close. What will hologram Cisco and the robot(?) Russian woman do now? For science!

Also, we got a bunch of handy mechanisms to turn Caitlin into Killer Frost. First off, this time meddling never helps things like this and come to think of it is what got us here in the first place. We also got a look at how her bracelets work. Much like my Note 5, they don’t BUT SHOULD (Samsung) have a removable battery. Apparently, you have to charge them into a wall like some sort of peasant. And she also now has a necklace that is powered by sunlight and that seems like something that will be lost/broken/out of sun in a matter of weeks.

Last thing. We get it Flash writers. You don’t care about how fast Barry is. Sometimes he can run so fast that he runs back in time. And sometimes he can run as fast as a particle in a particle accelerator. There was one time he watched lightning splinter. Whatever. Can he just run…fast? Like, oh I don’t know, FASTER THAN A MOTORCYCLE!

Plunder was nearly able to get away from Barry and Wally because he had a couple of trick weapons and a motorcycle going roughly thirty miles per hour, if that. Why do we even bother having a Flash if he can’t outrun a motorcycle? You’re on notice, Flash writers. At least establish a floor for Barry so that we never have to watch another low speed chase on this show again.

Matthew Nando Kelly is the cool and tough Managing Editor of Pop Break who was allowed to write his own bio. Besides weekly Flash recaps, he has a podcast called Mad Bracket Status where he makes pop culture brackets with fellow writer DJ Chapman.