TV Recap: RAW is (CM) Punk

I’m getting right to it. Paul Heyman comes out to CM Punk’s theme and tirades against WWE Management about how they have always held back the smaller guys who they didn’t want to ever main event. Heyman then says he is ticked off as much as everyone that he is not with WWE anymore and wonders why no one talked about what happens. Heyman then pulls the switch and blames the fans for Punk leaving. Then, he blames The Undertaker for starting the downfall. Heyman says he wants the Streak to end and Brock Lesnar is the man who can do it. Brock comes out, thankfully remembers his lines, reciting them like a third grader. Mark Henry comes out to confront him, for no apparent reason, but winds up getting F5’d through the announce table.

Before the show began, the announce team talked about the main event, Daniel Bryan taking on Batista in the main event. Jerry Lawler, fails to check his notes and says it is the first time they are meeting one-on-one on Raw. Uh… WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!

We get a huge match between The New Age Outlaws defending the WWE Tag Team Championships against the Usos. Seems like the fans decided not to hijack this match and show due respect to four talents performers. Well worth it as, after a quick back and forth match, The Usos gain momentum and outsmart the Outlaws on their way to victory and the championships. You read me right, The Usos are the new WWE Tag Team Champions.

We get clips of Need for Speed. No one cares. The Divas say something equating the movie to Dolph Ziggler and Aksana apparently says something stupid, but no one can tell what. No one cares.

Up next, Big E. Langston and Antonio Cesaro go at it, and Jack Swagger eats a punch when he tries to interfere. The CM Punk chants resume, but is quickly halted by the impressive Cesaro Swing. Match is abruptly ended as Jack Swagger then runs in and splashes Langston, giving his partner the DQ loss. Dissention in the Real Americans. They depart the ringside area as crews repair the announce table. as WWE wastes no time, The Shield make their way to ring to face off with The Wyatt Family.

Brawl ensues right away, out of nowhere Seth Rollins dives in and out of the ring, flooring all the Wyatts, crowd goes nuts, and even Roman Reigns is grinning in amusement. I’m sorry, but I love this match. Rollins again is the MVP here, spent most of the time in the ring on both offensive and defensive. Ambrose continues to play his role well as the loon of the trio, slapping a figure four on Erick Rowan, generating a chorus of “Whoooo” from the crowd. Ambrose takes out Harper and Rowan, but Bray throws him hard with a swinging slam. “This is Awesome” chants transform into “CM Punk” chants as the action slows down. As Ambrose tries to tag out, Rollins leaves the ring apron, and yells at Reigns to “figure it out” on your own. Ambrose looks on in horror as he is left prey to the Wyatts. Reigns goes berserk and cracks everyone with the Superman Punch. Reigns and Ambrose clean house, but inevitably the 3-on-2 is too much, as Reigns and Rowan go crashing over the announce table, allowing Bray to catch and crack Ambrose with Sister Abigail for the win.

Batista cuts a craptastic promo, saying fans must be into stupid things like comic books if they like Daniel Bryan so much. Uh… what MOVIE DID YOU FINISH FILMING? Is being a supreme idiot part of his heel-turn gimmick?

Santino & Emma took on Fandango & Summer Rae. This is stupid as hell. Emma and Santino high-five each other repeatedly, thus tagging in and out like two bumbling morons. Instead of another hijack attempt, the live crowd just dies. Emma traps Rae in the Tarantula and then the Emma-lock for the win. Wow. Emma did more wrestling than the other three in the ring.

Recap of Christian attacking Sheamus on SmackDown, with obvious dubbed-over crowd reactions. Christian and Sheamus put on a decent match, but just lacking something. It came off has boring. CM Punk chants resurfaced a few times, then changed to either “this is awful” or “boring” and “end this match.” The latter granted when Sheamus caved in the face of Christian with a Brough Kick. Post match interview with Sheamus is interrupted when Christian strikes again. Meh.

The Bella Twins take on Alicia Fox and Aksana, the latter of the bunch wearing something out of Mortal Kombat. Bellas win.

Michael Cole flubs his lines when informing us yet again that Batista is facing Daniel Bryan in the main event tonight.

Daniel Bryan comes to the ring and supports the #HijackRAW movement. Except he resumes storyline as usual by demanding Batista or Triple H to the ring. Which is not what hijacking Raw is supposed to mean. Crowd failing at CM Punk chants. Triple H comes out and tries to get a word out, but the boos and CM Punk chants overtake him. Stephanie says they would never listen to the fans because they change their minds week-to-week. She says they made him who he is. Taking credit for the gimmick, huh? That’s a new one. Daniel Bryan then suggests he might have a better match against Stephanie at WrestleMania. Triple H orders Bryan out of “his ring” while Bryan pushed it as “the people’s ring.” Triple H pulls a Vince and says he owns everything, including the WWE Universe. Before her husband and Bryan come to blows, Steph calls out Kane, who is instantly taken out. Security rushes down and takes Bryan away. Interesting segment, Triple H still pushing Bryan as a B-lister who won’t have a spot at WrestleMania.

It’s 10:23, and Alberto del Rio is in the ring as his opponent, Dolph Ziggler is driven into the area by Aaron Paul, the guy from Need for Speed. Ziggler wins in under five minutes. Another meh match which should have been better.

Paul Bearer is the next inductee into the 2014 Hall of Fame. Well deserved, and such a great video package highlighting his career and his significance to The Undertaker and his influence as a manager.

Jack Swagger vs. Big E. Langston ends when Cesaro jumps Langston and hits him with the Neutralizer. Swagger shoves Cesaro. In response Cesaro attempts the Cesaro Swing on Swagger, but Zeb Colter jumps in and has the two “brothers” hug it out and end this in a civil manner. JBL says Colter could solve the problems in the Middle-East. Sigh.

If you think about it, each week Langston is beat up by either Real American in their little one-up feud.

It’s 10:44 and John Cena comes out to talk about The Wyatts. Sigh. Does the “main event” mean nothing? Cena walks out with a taped leg, the announcers sell it from the fight last week, except we know better, Cena went and actually hurt himself at a house show over the weekend. Crowd pops huge when he announces he will not compete tonight. It’s 10:47, we kinda figured that. Cena does what we all expect him to say, ramble on about how “the fans speak their minds” and all that. We got that at least three times tonight. The Wyatts show up on the titantron and warns him about buzzards or goats or sheep… something like that.

More filler, Alexander Rusev is brought out by his woman. He looks impressive.

Randy Orton comes out to ringside for the main event, and it’s after 11pm at this point. Bootista chants, “you can’t wrestle” and assorted chants of boredom reign. Batista and Bryan had a lackluster match, Bryan tried his best to carry it. In the end, The Authority came out to interfere, and wound up taken down by Bryan. In the end, Triple H lost his cool and hit the Pedigree on Bryan.

Tonight’s RAW started out great and slowly devolved into a bore-fest. The last hour of the show was worthless and did not really serve any useful purpose. The only event of value was the clash with the Real Americans. The breakup of the Shield is imminent, and the title change was a very nice surprise.

CM Punk did not appear tonight, and this could mean he is truly done. The whole #hijackRAW thing was a bust, my guess is people realized it was a lame idea in the first place.

Wade Barrett did not appear either, which made this show even more disappointing.

No Undertaker tonight, but next week, Hulk Hogan comes back to make an announcement!

2 COMMENTS

  1. Another interesting thing of note. No AJ Lee, I wonder if there is backstage politics involved with the diva’s champ not even having a backstage segment in Chicago.

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