Written by DJ Chapman
We open with Bray Wyatt doing Bray Wyatt things, reminding us that everyone is guilty and he’ll take a sword and make the world right. At this point I’m not sure what Bray has to do to get me to like him but it’s definitely less of this.
We then are treated to Roman Reigns who comes out to his usual cacophony of “boos.” Roman confronts and then punches Bray in the face and they have at it. The commentators are quick to remind us that neither of these men will be at full strength after last night’s fatal five way.
Cool moment during the match where Roman preps a superman punch but Bray gets into the crab walk position to break Roman’s concentration, it actually worked.
This match has been going on for a while, these two are pretty good workers, they just have a weird chemistry in the ring. Also, the reason for why they are fighting isn’t clear besides Roman not being able to deal with Bray and his nonsense. I guess if I were called a sinner by Bray Wyatt I’d want to beat him too. Not in my yard!
Roman spears Bray for the win, if you’re surprised I’m sorry.
Enzo and Cass are next for a backstage interview. It’s good to see them out together, Enzo has had an interesting past couple of weeks, getting beat up by a mystery assailant(s). Enzo flirts with the interviewer (fun!) and we learn that Enzo and Cass are fighting Gallows and Anderson tonight. Enzo calls out Corey Graves and his hair, which is just fantastic. Cass is insulted that people think he’s the attacker. Cass promises he’ll be watching Enzo’s back at all times.
Kurt Angle and Alexa Bliss are next backstage. We learn from the announcers Bailey has to stay home because she was too wounded from last night’s match. Kurt Angle tells Alexa Bliss that her “this is your life” segment from last week was terrible and one of: “the worst segments in the history of Monday Night RAW.” Kurt then tells Alexa she’s going to defend her title tonight against Nia Jax.
Elias Sampson is next. He plays another bad song in the middle of the ring. He’s being booed more that Roman Reigns which is impressive. I don’t know what this gimmick is but for now I’m entertained so I won’t complain.
Dean Ambrose comes in to bust up the performance and demands he gets a rematch with the Miz for the IC title. The Miz comes up on the big screen telling us that there’s no rematch tonight. Sampson beats up Dean and warns him not to interrupt him again.
Next we have Kurt and Dean backstage. Dean’s asking for a rematch, Kurt says there will be a rematch but not tonight, tonight there’s a celebration for the Miz that Maryse put together. And Kurt tells us he doesn’t want to deal with Maryse. Dean implores with Kurt some more so Kurt tells him to take the night off and ejects him from the building. Dean seems to go peacefully.
Next is Samoa Joe. Joe tells us he doesn’t fear Brock Lesnar (HA!). Joe calls out Brock and Paul Heyman and let’s all of us know that he will win the Universal Championship (HA!).
Paul Heyman comes out and starts pontificating about how great Brock Lesnar is and there’s no way Samoa Joe will beat him. Paul goes on for a few minutes while Joe stands there and listens. Afterwards Joe decides to talk to Paull off mic in the corner of the ring which is certainly odd. We can’t really understand him outside of a few phrases. The crowd is incredibly confused.
Joe then grabs Heyman and puts him in a coquina clutch and chokes out Paul Heyman.
Kurt calls out Joe backstage for choking out Paul Heyman. Joe asks Kurt if he intends to get in his way, Kurt stops a bit but then Seth Rollins comes in and challenges Joe. Kurt sanctions the match.
Sheamus and Cesaro are next and they’re facing off against Heath Slater and Rhyno. The champs win almost immediately. They then proceed to call out the Hardy Boys. Say what you will about the Hardys and their greatness. Cesaro and Sheamus are a lot of fun and make great heels.
TJ Perkins and Neville talk backstage, TJP wants a chance at the belt. Neville preaches patience but TJP says he’s waited long enough.
TJP and Mustafa Ali are up next. TJP gets the pin, the match was ok. Definitely a bathroom break for the stadium crowd.
Neville comes out after TJP’s victory. He spoke to Kurt Angel and he has some bad news for TJP. TJP cuts him off tells Neville to go backstage with him. As TJP walks back Neville hits in the back of the head with an elbow and begins to beat up TJP.
We now have a Goldust promo which is very interesting, apparently it is now the golden age, isn’t that fun!
Alexa, Mickie, and Dana Brooke are all backstage together. Alexa is trying to convince the two that it’s not fair that one of them aren’t getting the title chance tonight, and that Nia is. Dana informs Alexa that they don’t have a Nia Jax problem, Alexa does, and that Dana and Mickie will be ringside tonight.
Kurt Angel comes out and Corey has a word with him in private. Corey is asked what that was about but he can’t answer as KALISTO comes out. His new intro is certainly refreshing.
Kurt leaves the building for a private matter after dodging a question about what happened with Corey Graves. Dean Ambrose uses this opportunity to sneak into the building.
The next match is Kalisto vs. Titus O’Neil. Akira Tozawa is watching the match because he was promised he would potentially be allowed to join the Titus brand after the match. Kalisto gets the pin much to the surprise of Titus, Apollo Crews looks on and smiles at the humor of the reversal by Kalisto. Apollo holds back Titus as he begins to rage at his loss.
Now we see Cass backstage as it turns out he was assaulted this time. Enzo is irate. Cass hands Enzo a gold chain as he comes to. Enzo claims that whoever attacked him took his chain and is trying to frame him. It seems that Cass won’t be able to participate in their match tonight.
Next Maryse has the stage all dolled up with some Miz balloons, a red carpet, and a man in a bear costume with a “Congratulations” sign to celebrate the Miz’s win. There is a mixed reaction as the Miz comes out. Some “you deserved it” along with some boos. Good for the Miz who takes on the crowd claiming they celebrate every winner. The Miz commends Maryse on the set up and the bear, but it turns out the bear wasn’t Maryse’s idea. The Miz gets paranoid and begins to beat up the bear and finishes him with a skull crusher.
The Miz believes the bear to be Dean Ambrose but it turns out that it is just a guy in a bear costume. The Miz throws him out of the ring after some minor embarrassment.
Next a big gift wrapped box is rolled out for the Miz. Once again, the Miz believes Dean Ambrose is hiding and is inside the gift. Miz takes a chair to the gift and tackles it. Maryse pleads with him to stop. It turns out it was a gift from Maryse, she got him a grandfather clock. She claims it’s timeless just like the Miz (aww). Maryse storms off in a huff at the Miz’s actions.
The Miz blames Dean Ambrose and begins demanding he show himself. Finally, the cameraman comes on stage to reveal he is in fact Dean Ambrose in disguise. He gives the Miz a Dirty Deeds, takes the champagne bottle, and walks off.
Now we have Anderson and Gallows vs. Enzo and….well that’s it. It’s just Enzo out for his entrance. No Cass to be seen. He does his typical shtick but leaves out “This right here this is Big Cass.” It’s actually quite depressing. Enzo goes into the ring to bash Anderson and Gallows, and to let us know his partner is…THE BIG SHOW.
“Bada boom, biggest show in the room, how you doin?”
Enzo jokes with the Big Show that he’s looking a little thin. The Big Show doesn’t look amused. Eventually, after some prodding, Enzo gets the Big Show to loosen up, and the Big Show starts going off on the mic. It’s amazing and astounding at the same time. The Big Show does the SAWFT bit and the crowd loses it.
The match starts with Enzo getting beat up as per usual. Eventually, the Big Show gets involved and throws Enzo at Anderson for the pin and he goes down in short order. This was probably my match of the night. It was fun all around. Cass confronts The Big Show back-stage and suggests that maybe The Big Show is the mystery assailant. Enzo breaks the tension as Enzo and Cass depart from The Big Show.
Now there’s an R-Truth calling out Goldust, it’s shot in a weird 80s noir style? He quotes Samuel Jackson from Pulp Fiction, it’s ok.
Next is Nia Jax vs. Alexa Bliss for the RAW Women’s Championship. Alexa does her pleading with Nia as the match starts but Nia immediately rushes Alexa. Mickie and Dana come ringside as Alexa and Nia get into it. Alexa is taking a beating but finally makes her way out of the ring and shoves Dana and Mickie, as they defend themselves Alexa wins by disqualification.
Paul Heyman is backstage with a medic. His phone rings, Brock is on the other end. We’re getting Brock next week, and not only that! Paul Heyman is going to unleash the beast.
Final match of the night Samoa Joe vs. Seth Rollins. Once again, the commentators remind us both competitors must be feeling it from the match last night. Joe dominates the match early getting a lot of hits and submission moves on Rollins. Seth Rollins begins to mount a comeback with a flying clothes line off the top rope and then lifting Samoa Joe and slamming him down, awesome stuff by Rollins. After a few trading blows and attempted pins, Bray Wyatt’s intro begins but no Wyatt to be found. Rollins is caught off guard as Joe gets the coquina clutch in on Rollins. Rollins passes out and Joe wins by submission.
That’s it for tonight! A lot going on and a lot to look forward to. See you next week!