Welcome to the Survivor Series 2014 Pop-Preak Predictions Panel! Give us your eyes, for we have the experts. Or so we say. Tonight we see a lot of built-up feud either come to a crashing halt or this is only another battle in a long, drawn-out war. This is one of the events where you are made to second-guess your prediction, if this was 1994. We are in 2014, and if the past decade has taught us anything, either the whole show will be as predictable as a Titanic remake or WWE will shock us by delivering the show we didn’t think we deserved.
My close and personal friend Wade Barrett will return to give us all some Bad News, Fandango for whatever reason is being given a match, and Paul Heyman will once again grace us with his Rabbinical expertise on the live WWE Network pre-show panel. Without any further delay, let’s get to it!
Pre-Show Match: Fandango w/ Rosa Mendes vs. ?????
John Lister: Can they even be called PPV events any longer? If the WWE Network ever gets any subscribers, it would just be a special monthly event on their channel. Oh, well, enough about that. I have little expectations for this PPV as injuries and overplayed angles have caused this event to be an utter cluster-you-know-what. Fandango’s pre-show prediction? Boring with a bunch of people in the stands reinforcing the stereotype that wrestling fans are idiots. Barrett’s pre-show match prediction: Barrett gets injured…. again.
Kenny Pete: While “?????” has shown lots of promise over the last few weeks & the company is confident to put him in such a noteworthy spot on the show, I think Fandango will rise from the Superstars scrap gimmick heap & get the win in an entertaining match that will be making people ask “Why can’t they do more with this brilliant Fandango character?”
Bill Bodkin: I think this’ll be Fandango vs. Adam Rose with Fandango getting the W and The Bunny costing Rose the match this continuing a feud that’s slightly better than the Bellas feud.
Steve Miller: Fandango’s star has fallen so far that it seems almost impossible to win a match. His luck in the ring seems to mirror his luck with women.
Michael Dworkis: I dunno Kenny, “Vacant” has been racking up those title wins lately, probably give “?????” a run for his money now. You know why Fandango has a match tonight? Because Zack Ryder is injured. That’s why. There is no good reason to see Fandango anymore, unless WWE hopes this one rare appearance will remind everyone how to go “Fandangoing.” Fandango loses to a returning “insert name here” or embarrassingly lose to Hornswoggle.
Divas Title Match: AJ Lee vs. Nikki Bella
John Lister: I would almost be eager to watch this match as AJ is a proven wrestler and Nikki has actually improved in her skills a bit. Then again, this is the same Diva that started her career under the ring then popping up and packaging someone for a win. Thank you “twin magic.” However, I was sick of this twin rival B.S. before it started and only enraged me more when they found another excuse to have Jerry Springer enter a ring once again. Sadly, I believe the twin will win the belt, making it one step closer to AJ following in the footsteps of her husband.
Kenny Pete: Some analysts would say “Smart Money says Nikki Bella leaves this match with the Diva’s Title,” I would agree with those analysts.
Bill Bodkin: “Fearless” Nikki (why she’s fearless I have no idea) wins the match, the 30-day servant contract ends and Brie becomes the #1 contender while AJ Lee goes home to cuddle with CM Punk.
Steve Miller: This appears to be a no-brainer. Nikki will be ready to win the match, Brie interferes, AJ wins, and the Bellas go to war. However, when AJ took both of them out last, it laid the plans for the twins to get back together. Separating the sisters has been a failed experiment. Nikki will win, Brie will be at her side, and they will be a heel team for a short period of time.
Michael Dworkis: They tried the whole Bella vs. Bella bit before. Don’t remember? Probably better off. I think this is the third or fourth time already. What began as a good storyline involving Stephanie McMahon and a non-existent Daniel Bryan has turned into nothing more than a time waster when left in the hands of the twins. Speaking of twins, MY twins could put on a better match and cut better promos. Nikki will win, because it’s either Bella vs. Bella for the title, or having them get back together will force WWE to admit this whole entire drama to have been a complete waste.
Dean Ambrose vs. Bray Wyatt
John Lister: Easily the match of the night. Will be more of a fight than a match. Doesn’t matter it will be fun and a whole lot of bumps which will have some jaw-dropping effect.
Kenny Pete: In a classic confrontation of edgy, fringe characters battling it out for the love of the Ent’s ‘Hot Topic’ demographic, I will go with Bray Wyatt cheating to win & the feud continuing past this special event. Wyatt hasn’t had a notable win in a while & Ambrose is bulletproof at this point, he can lose & it doesn’t hurt his standing with the fans in one bit. They are only scratching the surface with an Ambrose / Wyatt program & I think both talents will come out better once its all said & done.
Bill Bodkin: Wyatt needs the win more than anyone, he’s been on a horrific losing streak. He nails Sister Abigail with some sort of trickery – whether it’s the debut of the new “Family” (who could very well be The Ascension), we meet “Dean Ambrose’s Dad” (which would be terrible) or he just uses some voodoo to win.
Steve Miller: This might be the most interesting match of the night. Ambrose needs a win in order to main his rise in the ranks, but a loss for Wyatt will also damage his solo act. Wyatt will win with some sort of mystical machination while Ambrose gets some sort of retribution. However, if Wyatt loses, will the find some other followers for the Family? He doesn’t feel as over without Harper and Rowan.
Michael Dworkis: This match gets me excited. Really amped up. This is a problem. When I get excited to expect a great match, something goes awry and I wind up disappointed. But we have Ambrose here. Bray “Husky Harris Rotunda” here. How could this go wrong at all? The promos cut between them have been beyond sensational and have filled a gap left open by those wrestler who either quit, got fired, or sitting at home due to injury. Ambrose is a mic-cutting machine while Bray brings up the nightmare meter to a new level. The problem is the loss. Losing this match will immensely hurt Bray, because Erick Rowan is now partnered with Cena in the main event, and Luke Harper just won his first singles championship. Bray has done nothing but lose in high profile matches, and another loss will kill what is left of his creepy gimmick. He would become the next Papa Shango, supposedly a trickster with smoke and mirrors, but ultimately pull out dust and lint from his magician’s hat. Alright, that made no sense. If Wyatt loses, his creep-factor dwindles again. A loss for Ambrose doesn’t matter, because the next night he’ll ride a kiddie-park choo-choo train down to ringside and start piledriving mannequins again. Hard to pick the winner, but I’m going with Bray Wyatt.
Divas Traditional Survivor Series Match:
Natalya, Alicia Fox, Naomi, Emma vs. Paige, Cameron, Summer Rae & Layla
John Lister: The only thing I can predict with any certainty is that this match will not last longer than 10 minutes. In a perfect world, this match would come down to Natalya and Naomi against Paige. They are the only three that belong in a ring in this match. Cameron needs to go away, Alicia needs to be in my bed, Emma needs to get arrested for not shoplifting again, and Summer Rae and Layla need to go beat up Fandango some more. However, it’s not a perfect world, it’s the WWE Universe. I have a feeling Paige will end up victorious after eliminating Alicia, sadly without ripping her clothes off first.
Kenny Pete: This will be an interesting match with a few notable things to look for: Emma showing off tremendous mat wrestling ability, a cat-fight between Naomi & Cameron, a wonderfully blown spot that will live on in a future episode of Botchamania for generations & Natalya will get the win for her team via Sharpshooter.
Bill Bodkin: This is your bathroom break match which’ll get way too much TV time. My guess is Layla goes first, Emma goes second b/c she does something dumb, Cameron and Naomi get a double count-out, Alicia Fox is tapped out by Paige and then AJ Lee distracts Paige allowing Natalya to snap on the sharpshooter.
Steve Miller: The heels win. Paige is the only rising star in this bunch. Someone needs to chronicle the burying of Nattie Neidhart as a wrestler. She was one of the best in-ring women before she came to WWE, and, like so many others her abilities have been minimized. She was better than Sara Del Rey and Gail Kim when she got here and it’s almost painful to watch.
Michael Dworkis: I’ll just cut and paste what I always say. Winners are the toilets and concession booths. No one cares, no one will care, and the true debacle is how much time this will take away from quality matches. Someone will get injured off a botch, trip over themselves Kevin Nash-style, and somehow Paige will eat a live sheep and no one will notice. I call a heel team win here.
Fatal Four Way: WWE Tag Title Match:
The Dust Brothers (c) vs. The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. The Miz & Damien Mizdow
John Lister: If this is Survivor Series, wouldn’t it make more sense to make this an elimination 4 way? Uso and the Dusts will dominate the match while Mizdow will get all the pop. Yet another example of how miz is so god awful, you put anyone next to him and they are revered like a deity (see Bryan Danielson when he started). The Conquis-, er I mean the Matadors will go unnoticed in this match and their little bull will get a few cheers in their place. miz and Mizdow will either win the gold, or this will be the start of their dissension allowing Mizdow to become the lead role he has always strived for.
Kenny Pete: This is the toughest match on the card to predict as they have the tendency to throw these together without any real thought as to what is going to happen or who they want to move forward with. The office as a whole, doesn’t really put an emphasis on Tag-Team wrestling, & lessens the impact that this match should actually have. Everyone wants to see The Miz & Damien Mizdow win the titles for some solid gold, sure-fire entertaining TV, which is exactly why they will NOT do what everyone is predicting & either have The Rhodes Bros retain the titles or The Usos win the belts back because “T-Shirts”. My official prediction is that The Rhodes Bros will retain the titles.
Bill Bodkin: The Dust Brothers retain in a cluster of match and everyone is sad that Mizdow doesn’t win the gold.
Steve Miller: The Dust Brothers are the most entertaining duo that have worked in any of the major organizations for a long time. Cody Rhodes insane facials and bit are must-see wrestling TV. The comeback of Dustin Rhodes is one of the great stories of the year. Who thought that Golddust would look like a run of the mill character and his brother has helped that transition. They need more interview time. Damien Sandow is also doing a great job, but his triumphs are a tragedy for Miz. The former WWE Champ has now been permanently relegated to be a comedy act and not serious considered for bigger titles. You can also see the split coming. Mizdow will cost them the title and Miz will take it out on him. The Usos win.
Michael Dworkis: Is this an elimination match or not? Make things more interesting I think. I hate to say it, but the reign of Gold and Star Dust is coming to an end. WWE has tried so hard to push them as heels, and it fails over and over. Cody Rhodes has become the Joker of WWE, he is creepier than Bray Wyatt and his jumpy-over-the-top-insanity has been unbelievably entertaining. Of course, WWE always plays the break-up game, but I do not think The Dusts will split just yet. A match like this can allow the championships to go to another heel-branded team without the champs being pinned. I’m calling for Miz and Mizdow to win, when Damien makes the championship-winning pin, causing Miz to become very jealous. They will eventually split with Sandow ditching Miz, allowing the Dusts to regain the titles in a future rematch.
Main Event: Traditional Survivor Series Match
Team Cena: John Cena, Ryback, Erick Rowan, Dolph Ziggler & Big Show
Team Authority: Seth Rollins, Kane, Luke Harper, Rusev, & Mark Henry
John Lister: Which is the vampire team and which one is the werewolf team? I would tend to pick the vampires but since I don’t know which one is which, I’ll stack up the scenarios and the participants instead. I can only imagaine what these teams would look like if Brock, Danielson, Reigns, Punk, and ever Overrated Orton were accessible to the creative talent. Wait, that’s five guys right there. They can be Team Available. Orton would get eliminated but you stack them up against any SS team in history and they would prevail. Back to reality, I mean the WWE Universe. I wondered why after all these years WWE finally came to their senses and released Khali. Now I realize they were just going to put Eric Rowan in his spot. We’ve gone from a giant dancing goofball to a disturbed, yet lovable potential mass murderer. Nothing quite like progress. I have yet to determine if Rowan can wrestle, but he has become the punchline and that may speak volumes. Kane has become the corporate jobber, Dolphj has been cannon fodder, and all of a sudden everyone loves Ryback again. Ruzev can wrestle but there is no natural, smooth flow to his matches. They keep saying how impressive these teams are, I hope they prove me wrong but I do not see it. In the end, Team Cena will win because A) It’s Cena, he can’t lose and let all the kiddies down and B) I think I remember hearing the Levesques want to have another child. Nice to see family does take precedence sometimes.
Kenny Pete: Ryback Rules. Feed Me More. Nothing Else Matters.
In all seriousness, They have a golden opportunity to put Ryback in a top spot as a hero & a top draw for the company, all they have to do is position him correctly then do the backstroke all the way to the bank like Hogan in ’85, brother. Will they actually do that? I don’t know. I’d like to think that Vince McMahon likes making money & can recognize when a talent is a neon light in an ocean of darkness. With Daniel Bryan, Shaemus & Zack Ryder injured, CM Punk doing special guest spots on his buddy’s podcast’s in-between games of rooftop lazer-tag & Cesaro collecting dust somewhere in the locker room, the time is now to make Ryback the fresh, legitimate, money drawing hero they desperately need. Feed. Me. More.
Official Prediction: Ryback Rules!
Bill Bodkin: So many ways this could go. But no matter what, Team Cena is going to win and it’s probably coming down to Cena vs. Rollins. I’m smelling an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE or Roman Reigns to help eliminate Seth. Other points to make about this match – Rusev will not get pinned clean because that’d be stupid.
Steve Miller: For all the hype, this match is going to be a bore. You have Vince’s dream wrestlers in the match: Rusev, Henry, and Ryback. Muscleheads that look good, only have a few moves, and can’t wrestle. They would have been the perfect people for the WBF (World Bodybuilding Federation. Yes, it existed). Show is slowly becoming Andre, but at the end of the his career when he couldn’t move. Kane is also done. Harper and Rowan mimic each other and would have been better off sticking with Wyatt. This is where I can see Roman Reigns make a “surprise” appearance and cost Team Authority the match if he is cleared to go. But, in the end, HHH, the new stooges (Mercury and Noble), and Cesaro are all going to get involved and The Authority will win. The end will not be logical, but will enable this to continue to be a McMahon/Levesque vanity exercise.
Michael Dworkis: On both RAW and SmackDown, one card was played. The “Where is John Cena” card. On Raw, while each one of his teammates got mauled, he was nowhere to be found until the end of the show. On SmackDown, Triple H brought that up and highlighted the fact over and over. We know already, Cena is nothing but trouble and bad news. Except the majority of the fans who like Cena are six-year-old kids. No one else cares. Is this the longest and most drawn out heel turn ever, or is Cena already a heel and just hasn’t thrown the brick at our skulls yet? We’ve got Corporation 2.0 here. The J&J security, Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble as the modern-day Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco. Kane spends more time out of his suit than in it, making him the new Big Boss Man. I don’t even know what the point of this match is anymore? Maybe Brock Lesnar will come in and rampage everyone. Oh wait! Survivor Series is in St. Louis… Randy Orton country! Perhaps Daniel Bryan or Roman Reigns will hobble down to ringside and clobber someone with a crutch. Strike that, Reigns would beat on someone with an entire wheelchair. A quick breakdown shows this: Team Cena, John Cena wants to beat up Seth Rollins, even though Rollins has all to gain regardless if he loses, since he is Mr. Money in the Bank. Dolph Ziggler got trounced on and had his Intercontinental Championship taken from him. He could be the turncoat on the team. Ryback, who did not see that coming? I guess his whole time being “The Bully” and paired with Curtis Axel has been stricken from the record. Big Show is Big Show. That’s it. Erick Rowan joining the team was the big surprise, I wonder if he and Harper will be the token double-count out. Team Authority, as said earlier, Rollins can win or lose, he is money. Rusev, hard to see him eliminated, but if it does happen, it’s by DQ or count-out. Mark Henry is there because Big Show is there. Luke Harper is the one with all to gain, and Kane is a stooge, likely to be eliminated first. The Cesaro Troll was awesome, I am guessing he will be more active among The Authority in the future, if he has one. Either Team Authority wins, or Cena wins as the sole survivor, only to be mauled by Brock Lesnar, or someone else.