Written by Michael Dworkis and Bill Bodkin
RAW got interesting, fast. CM Punk defeats Luke Harper in a good match, of course with the inevitable post-match beatdown from the Wyatts. The 3-on-1 attack was interrupted by Daniel Bryan plus chair, driving off the family. Backstage Punk says he knows a number of individuals who will help him counterattack the Wyatts. We also learn JBL has been drinking heavily during commercial breaks, and due to some sort of confrontation, Ryback will face off with the Great Khali. In the main event, John Cena, Cody Rhodes, and Goldust go up against The Real Americans and Damien Sandow. Looks like Sandow will remain in the top spot for a while, however I wonder why we are getting the SmackDown main event on Raw.
Recap of how Triple H banned Big Show from WWE. Yep. That’ll stick.
Before that disaster, Michael Cole speaks to Paul Heyman via phone. Heyman, crying, says he is travelling across Europe with his personal physician, getting various specialty treatment due to the extensive injuries at the hands of CM Punk. It may be a long time before we see Heyman again. Even when is not live on television, Heyman can cut an entertaining promo.
Ryback beats Khali after the Meathook Clothesline. Ryback did a good job of making it look like Khali was some sort of challenge. Yawn.
Kofi Kingston once again jobs, this time to Alberto del Rio. Sigh… It was a good match, and there were moments I thought Kingston may get the win, but let’s face it, he’s on a huge losing streak. A casualty of an overcrowded roster and no room for a push.
More promos on this lawsuit Big Show has on Triple H and WWE. Wondering where any of this is going.
Randy Orton comes out at the top of the second hour for his match against an opponent decided via fans on the WWE App. So, now the WWE Champion does not get to perform in the last hour of the show? Orton seems to have forgotten how to cut a promo, as its disjointed and for whatever reason talks about how all women in the crowd love him. Good job staying uber-heel buddy. Out of the choices for The Miz, Big E. Langston, and Dolph Ziggler, it is Mr. Langston who wins by a landslide. What is sadder, is Ziggler coming in last place. Very sad. I weep for Ziggles. This guy has fallen so far. However, on the plus side, Langston is getting a lot of crowd attention, obviously the fans have faith he could be a main eventer, hopefully WWE Creative see it too. Langston puts on a great showing, I think he could be main event material in 2014, probably towards the summer. Orton got the win by countering the Big Ending into an RKO. It does hurt Big E a bit to have his finish so easily countered, but the commentators push it as Orton being the seasoned veteran being able to counter. In any event, Langston was given the chance to prove he can main event, and Cole, smartly, put him over as a future WWE Champion.
More footage of Big Show, this time a replay of him clocking Brad Maddox into next month.
Not sure if this is a step up from the C-shows, but Fandango once again teams with Summer Rae, going up against Natalya and Tyson Kidd. Clips of the latter couple getting married on Total Divas. Lawler’s line of “marriage is grand, divorce is ten-grand” is a bit tasteless, and it becomes clear the announce team, specifically both Lawler and JBL don’t care at all anymore and are either drunk out of their minds or really do not give a crap at all. I don’t care for this match either, but still, there is a line which shouldn’t be crossed. JBL question whether the marriage will last, certainly out of character. Kidd obviously performing double-duty, also one-half of the jobber duo of Los Locales with partner Ricardo Rodriguez. Fandango winds up tapping out to the Sharpshooter.
Excellent promo from Damien Sandow. My worry of his removal from the main event seems to be unwarranted as it looks like he will challenge Cena for the title again, and even if he loses, Sandow will be on the top tier through the rest of the year. Additionally, should Sandow have won, this would have given Cena another opportunity of adding yet another title reign, getting him closer to the record held by Ric Flair. More on that later this week.
Hey everyone, Bill Bodkin is making the hot tag in for RAW coverage…
John Cena and The Rhodes Boys vs. Damien Sandow and The Real Americans – So this is NOT the main event. Kind of unexpected.
Programming Interruption: The WWE is extending their Susan G. Komen partnership for the entire year which is awesome. I really think this is an amazing thing the WWE is doing and this company NEVER gets enough credit for all the charity work they do.
Back to the show…I can’t believe how over Goldust is right now. I mean, honestly, he should be a “return once or twice a year” legend, but nope, he’s an active competitor who’s wrestling at his best since his WCW days. I mean the place went banana when he got the hot tag from Cena. He executes a tremendous reverse cross body, a springboard bulldog and the best corkscrew suplex I’ve ever seen. He made this match. The commentary in the match, on the other hand, killed this match. ADR has devolved severely on the mic. I did enjoy Zeb’s continued hatred of ADR because of his history with Swagger and the fact he’s Mexican. Good storyline continuity.
I have to commend Cena for wrestling hurt, busting out his new half nelson toss into a neck breaker and pardon my language but HOLY SHIT HE DID HURRICANRANA! Outside of this, the match itself, outside of the flurry of finishers, was pretty pedestrian with not a lot of heat.
Dolp Ziggler vs. Curtis Axel (non-title) Dolph Ziggler needs to turn heel…immediately. I feel terrible for Ziggler, he works his ass off, but is mired in the mid-card. I think if this were back in the day Ziggler would’ve jumped to another promotional ready. Curtis Axel has really improved over 2013 and now without Heyman in his corner, he’s proven he’s got some personality. This match really had nothing to it…no heat, no emotion, even the in-ring work was just okay. It didn’t make a ton of sense for Axel, the IC Champ, to loose in a non-title match. It does nothing for Ziggler and it makes Axel looks weak, especially going into his match with Big E. Langston, who’ll he likely drop the IC strap to.
The Usos vs. 3MB: The Usos have such a killer entrance. When they went to commercial and their opponents weren’t in the ring, I knew their opponents would be 3MB. I think Drew McIntyre is way too talented for 3MB and he could be a star if given the shot. The match was really what you would expect…3MB gets some moves in but ultimately get smoked by the competition.
Los Matadores interview and highlights…snore. Seriously, we make a “horny” joke in regards to El Torito …shoot me in the face
AJ, Tamina and Aksana vs. The Bellas and Eva Marie: Speaking of murdering my face, a six-diva tag match…which is basically a promo for Total Divas. Eva Marie gets the win with one of the worst roll-ups in history. Why? Because she’s an actress on Total Divas and the company has to make her mean something to wrestling fans. Notice how she never got in the ring during the whole match? Yeah, it’s because she sucks. She’s worse than Ashley Massaro and Jackie Gayda on their worst day.
The Main Event: Here’s a pet peeve of mine…ending a show on an angle and not a match. It’s more blah blah blah McMahon, Big Show malarkey. What’s with The Big Show doing the “Yes!” chant? Not your gimmick bro. Also big man, you have not been in the WWE for 18 years. I do, however, enjoy a more jocular and human version of Big Show and not the screaming, angry giant.
Instead of leaving the us with The Big Show getting one over on The McMahons, we’re shown that once again the McMahons Version 2.0 never puts anyone over as Orton and The Shield destroy Big Show.
Wow, tonight’s RAW really sucked. I had to hold back from swearing in every sentence. I felt the WWE had been on such a role with this show since the summer and tonight they lay a huge egg. It’s illogically booked matches, horrible angles and incessant talking.
Tonight’s lesson…if you don’t put Daniel Bryan in the main event, the show is gonna suck.