TV Recap: (Occupy) Monday Night RAW

RAW kicks off with Hulk Hogan, looking good and rockin’ the shades. Hogan announces the first-ever Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. John Cena comes out to be the first to enter, however The Wyatt Family interrupts. The crowd pops huge for the bearded boys. Bray cuts a great promo about Hogan being an old-time legend while Cena tries to cement his own legacy. Bray winds up pissing off Cena, prompting the Cenation Honcho to instead challenge Bray to a one-on-one at WrestleMania 30. Cena then defeats Erick Rowan in a singles match while Hogan cheers on at ringside.

These developments are very interesting. The Memorial Battle Royal is very old-school NWA, such as their Jim Crockett Sr. Memorial events. I like the tribute, very fitting. It seems so strange to me that John Cena is now mid-carding at WM30. You would think he is the poster boy, how could he not be in some sort of marquee match?

The Authority, looking a bit rattled come out to the stage to publicly apologize to the fans for Triple H’s conduct last week when he spiked Daniel Bryan with the Pedigree. Stephanie does say they thought about firing him, but changed their mind. They then say they will eagerly await Bryan to decide whether he will apologize to them tonight. As their promo ends, the New Age Outlaws make their way out. Looks like their feud with The Usos is going to WrestleMania too.

The NAO are on commentary as the Usos easily defeat Ryback and Curtis Axel. Ryback, announces his entry into the Andre Memorial. Kay. Not enjoying the New Age Outlaws doing the whole whining and complaining gimmick on commentary. It was funny when they first lost, not funny now. Move on.

Backstage, Kane questions whether the Shield are still useful or not. He points out their recent losses due to “cracks in the shield” and gives them an ultimatum. In response, the trio offer to take on anyone Kane throws at them. Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns get The Rhodes Brothers tonight, and on Main Event, Dean Ambrose will defend the United States Championship against Mark Henry.

Jack Swagger is on the losing side once again as he loses cleanly to Big E. Langston, while Cesaro laughs at ringside. Post match, the Real Americans implode and Zeb Colter loses it. He forces them to shake hands, but Cesaro then crushes Swagger’s hand. Looks they are headed to WM30, as opponents.

It’s just about 9pm, and after all this, The Undertaker comes to the ring. Five minutes later, he does not talk, as the intro is interrupted by Paul Heyman. The guy cuts a great promo, filled with the utmost respect for the Deadman, while also delivering an ominous threat of his own, warning the Undertaker, while he is a living legend, Brock Lesnar will end the Streak. Undertaker responds with his own warning, ending with the trademark, “Rest in Peace.”

Forgot to mention, the main event is Big Show & Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton & Batista. All night they want fans to vote on the type of match stipulation for Sheamus vs. Christian. There was no option for “Christian’s Forced Retirement” so therefore, I did not vote.

The Rhodes Brothers and The Shield go to war. Seth Rollins has been given the torch, past few big matches have seen him be the one highlighted in the same way Roman Reigns was given the spotlight a couple of months ago. Ambrose is the annoying creep at ringside, and he plays it up so well. Reigns dominates the match, pulverizing Goldust over and over until Cody gets a hot tag. Cody and Rollins exchange, and Goldust then sacrifices himself as Reigns attempts to rush Cody with the Spear. Instead, Rollins blocks a Disaster Kick, and turns it into a Turnbuckle Powerbomb. One BlackOut Stomp later and Shield comes out victorious.

The Bellas defeat AJ and Tamina Snuka. Natalya is at commentary. Yawn.

LL Cool J and Chris O’Donnell are at ringside and are interviewed by Renee Young. They plug CSI. Yay.

Daniel Bryan hits the ring and the arena explodes. I will do my best to describe what unfolds. This might have been the greatest segment ever. Daniel Bryan does not apologize, but decides to hijack Raw. He invites “some friends” in the Yes Movement to the ring. I thought maybe some low-tier wrestlers like Zack Ryder or Dolph Ziggler, or maybe a Colt Cabana surprise, but instead we get about a hundred fans wearing Daniel Bryan shirts flooding the ring and ringside area. Triple H and Stephanie come out and are majorly pissed. Steph goes ballistic, and shrills how they own everything and everyone. Bryan reminds them the ring belongs to the fans. Triple H threatens to have security arrest them all, so he sends two guys down. TWO. Wait, whenever security is called, don’t they have about a dozen indy guys dressed as cops? Suddenly all they have are two fat, bald guys lumbering around? Triple H loses his mind and accepts the challenge for a one-on-one at WrestleMania.

They send Damien Sandow down for his match, but he refuses to go anywhere near the ring.

Daniel Bryan is not done yet. He then makes one more demand. Should Bryan defeat Triple H, then Bryan gets what everyone wants… a spot in the WrestleMania 30 WWE World Championship Main Event Match. The crowd EXPLODES. The IWC explodes. Twitter bursts into flames. Reddit crashes. Facebook goes down. Even MySpace has a flicker of bandwidth problems. You heard it right. If Daniel Bryan defeats Triple H at WrestleMania 30, then the main event becomes a Triple Threat Title match.

I jumped out of my couch. This is it.

Unless Triple H wins. Or Bryan wins, then Batista wins the title. Then we cry.

Jerry “the King” Lawler announces the fan voted result, Sheamus faces Christian in a Memphis Street Fight. I think less than a dozen people voted. The two brawled all over, Christian nailing the Irish Warrior with a DDT off the stage onto the cement floor. Guitars got smashed, musical instruments destroyed. The match started off slow, but some big spots picked up the pace. Truth is, we saw this match about six months ago between Dolph Ziggler and Damien Sandow. Sheamus wins the match, by Brough Kicking Christian through a bass drum. Pretty epic. As much as I want Christian to retire, he toughed it out and put on a great show.

Backstage, Batista and Randy Orton lose their marbles, and Brad “I need a new bottle of Maalox” Maddox struggles to calm them down.

Lana brings out the Bulgarian Brawler. My guess is his debut match will be against the Brooklyn Brawler?

The Wyatts cut a creepy promo with Luke Harper whistling and Bray Wyatt hanging upside down. Bray accepts the challenge from John Cena, and promises he will lose to the “Eater of Worlds” and he doesn’t mean Unicron.

It’s 10:48, which means its main event time… Right after another commercial! Big Show and Daniel Bryan go up against Randy Orton and Batista. Bryan gets three moves in before they go to yet another commercial break! Show on the offensive, then Daniel Bryan is tagged in but gets tagged by Orton and Batista. Although, Batista finds himself on the arena floor most of the match. Bryan hulks up and tears into everyone. Orton comes back, but eats an accidental spear from Batista who then is taken out with the Running Knee. Orton attempts an RKO, but Bryan cracks the WWE Champion with a Running Knee as well and earns the pinfall victory.

Wrapping this one up, the highlights are Heyman respecting the Undertaker, respecting the Streak, but also putting Brock Lesnar over as a legit threat to the Deadman. I don’t see Lesnar winning at all, but it will be a good fight.

Daniel Bryan and his YESMovement went crazy tonight. We got what we wanted. Bryan will face Triple H at WrestleMania and should he wins, he gets added to the WWE World Championship match at WrestleMania 30.

Hey! Damien Sandow was on Raw again! Except he didn’t actually do anything. Dolph Ziggler wasn’t even on the show. Sigh. Kofi Kingston still around?

Lots of setups for Mania.

Bray Wyatt vs. John Cena
Triple H vs. Daniel Bryan
An easy payday for 30 wrestlers
Jack Swagger vs. Antonio Cesaro
Shield vs. Kane?

Comments are closed.