WWE Monday Night RAW is Albany
Interesting column on WWE.com talking about who should challenge John Cena for the United States Championship. The big finish, Kurt Angle. Thanks to @agentmes for the heads up on that.
Sadly, Kurt Angle is the Impact Wrestling Champion, so unless he breaches contract and jumps ship, WWE can keep dreaming.
We kick off RAW, live from Albany, New York where Randy Orton and Seth Rollins cut “respectable” promos at each other. You know, where Orton talks about beating up Rollins and taking the title, which is countered by Rollins saying he will be the greatest champion ever, by defeating Orton, who is destined to be in the WWE Hall of Fame.
The segment concludes with an enraged threat by Randy Orton who promises to RKO everyone in sight. JBL says it best, there will be a lot of “RKOs Outta Nowhere tonight!”
Triple H addresses the return of Tough Enough tonight.
So… A lot of RKOs tonight. Hoo boy.
Dean Ambrose faces off with Luke Harper, the latter cutting a creepy-voiced promo. It’s a short brawl, in an obvious blatant booking plan for Extreme Rules. It’s $9.99!
Backstage, The Prime Time Players scare the begeezuz out of Seth Rollins and I am laughing my ass off. Rollins asks for Triple H to provide more security. He laughs.
The Lucha Dragons face off with the insanely slow heel-turning New Day, even though no one cares. I think they can stop pumping the “Lucha! Lucha!” chant since the crowd finally caught on. New Day members Big E. Langston and Kofi Kingston get the win with an assist from Xavier Woods. Post match, Randy Orton jumps out and RKOs both Woods and Kingston.
Fandango version one returns to the ring, and makes short work of Curtis Axel. I guess #Axelmania is over… and I mean, over… Finished!
Tonight, Miz vs. Mizdow for the rights to “be the Miz” and I am not sure Damien Sandow should win.
Triple H talks about Tough Enough, the reality TV series which discovers new and unexpected talent. He talks about finding the “Next Seth Rollins.” Suddenly, Kane interrupts, giving his “two-weeks notice” since he feels he can no longer work efficiently for the Authority, and he hates Rollins. Triple H sort of gives Kane a new position, prompting Kane and Rollins to shake hands although I think we all know this won’t go well. Triple H reminds Kane he is a “corporate guy” and not hellfire and brimstone anymore. Kane promises he still is.
Naomi defeats Brie Bella. Naomi, coming off a bit as a bitch, except she’s facing another bitch, so putting her over as a heel does not work for this match. Does no one realize there are ZERO face Divas right now?
Backstage, Heath Slater informs Erick Rowan he is challenging John Cena for the U.S. Championship.
OUTTA NOWHERE-time! Randy Orton RKOs him.
Roman Reigns comes out to call out Big Show. Instead, BO DALLAS lectures him, ultimately using the Bo-Lieve line, but eats a Superman Punch and Spear for it. Yawn.
In the ring, Sheamus takes on quite the challenge, Zack Ryder. Sigh. Ryder eats a Brough Kick within five seconds, and Sheamus just pummels him all over the place while on the microphone bashing everyone and everything. I get the point, Sheamus is a “real fighter” and beats up Zack Ryder to prove it. The crowd is completely dead for this, even has Sheamus baits them with hometown taunts, until Dolph Ziggler runs out to save Ryder from a third brough kick.
That was about an hour of crap. Where was Randy Orton to RKO someone?
John Cena is out to blather about beating Rusev at Extreme Rules in a Russian Chain Match which is essentially a Four-Corners bout. Answering this week’s open challenge is Kane. I refuse to waste my time and yours with any sort of detailed match info. Typical Cena formula:
Cena gets some offense for three minutes. Kane dominates entire match, getting near fall with chokeslam. Goes for Tombstone, reversal by Cena into the Attitude Adjustment and gets the pinfall. Backstage, Seth Rollins and J&J Security are laughing. Seriously, this episode of RAW is tanking.
Backstage Renee Young starts talking to the Miz, who gloats about his Direct-to-DVD release Marine 4, but is cut off as Byron Saxton interviews John Cena about his shocking match, which is then interrupted by Rusev who bashes Cena with his chain. From Russia. The Russian Chain. Yawn.
Here we go, Summer Rae is out with Damien Mizdow as he challenges The Miz for “The Miz Brand” which includes his theme music, moves, etc… Wow. Sadly, even JBL predicted that Summer Rae would turn on Sandow to help the Miz win, which she did. However, as Miz gloats on the mic, Randy Orton jumps out and OUTTA NOWHEREs the Miz with a fourth RKO of the night.
Cryptic promo from Bray Wyatt. Love it.
Ryback devours Adam Rose. Post match, two Rosebuds, the ones dressed as a banana and a hot dog attack, however he Shell Shocks them simultaneously. The crowd pops huge for him. Oh look, Rosa Mendes is there.
Backstage: Kane interviewed by Renee Young, elaborating “the Gate Keeper” is securing the Steel Cage for Extreme Rules. Kane storms into The Authority’s office. Amidst the shouting, Rollins apologizes to Kane, semi-sincerely, but enough for Kane and Triple H to believe it. Randy Orton lurks in the hallway.
We get our main event, with two guys who should be in the main event. Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler. Great match, lots of near falls which caused the live crowd to jump. Superkicks, DDTs, big time high risk moves… Fantastic. Ziggler and Rollins brings such great energy to the ring. Sadly, this ends with Sheamus distracting Ziggler, allowing Rollins to land a kick and then toss Ziggles with a Turnbuckle Powerbomb, leading to a Face-Plant DDT for the win. No Curb Stomp.
Post match, Rollins gloats, however is interrupted by Triple H, who then gives his support to Rollins, in turn can’t shut up and berates Kane. Kane then makes his way out, but Rollins calls for the cage to come down to shield him. You can guess what happens next.
Randy Orton “Outta Nowhere” is in the Cage, Rollins tries to escape but eats a top-rope RKO for it. Show’s over.