michael dworkis takes it to the extreme…
Pre Show – Santino retained the United States Championship against The Miz
Hey! Two guys who should be ON the pay-per-view! Santino wins via Cobra Bite, furthering that he is a goofball with a title, and the downward spiral of doom continues for The Miz.
Randy Orton beat Kane in a Falls Count Anywhere Match
Just like WrestleMania, this match was a punch-punch-kick-kick brawl. There were some cool moments, but this time, the end was predictable when Kane took too long to set up some sort of big move. Orton seized the opportunity and hit Kane with an RKO on a chair for the win. This one felt very anti-climatic.
Brodus Clay defeated Dolph Ziggler
I really wish this match was better. Both these guys are talented, yet they do not allow Clay to unleash his true talent, suplexing people from one side of the ring to another. Instead, Ziggler held an offense for two minutes, then Clay jiggled his thighs to rejuvenate, hit his standard moves, one overhead suplex, headbutt, big splash and that was it. It really bothers me when guys like Ziggler and Clay are reduced to short matches and unable or flatly not allowed to show off their abilities.
Cody Rhodes defeated The Big Show in a Tables Match to win his second Intercontinental Championship
Not a bad match. Show dominated most of the match while Rhodes tried valiantly to hit his signature moves, but Show powered back each time. Disaster fell onto Big Show, when, standing on the apron Rhodes hit a flying kick, and Big Show stepped backwards onto a ringside table. The table broke with the Big Show stepping through it, and the referee called for the bell. Cody Rhodes, by way of lucky accident, is once again Intercontinental Champion.
The best part came after the bell, when Show went crazy and chokeslammed Rhodes through one table in the ring then launched him like a dart over his head through a table… on the arena floor.
Sheamus pinned Daniel Bryan in a Best 2-out-of-3 Falls Match, 2 falls to 1, retaining the World Heavyweight Championship
The first fall of this match took me back to the mid-nineties. A slow-mat-based contest with various holds and submissions, wearing each man down. I know it is not the high-impact fast-moving-pace everyone is used to these days, but this is the wrestling I grew up on. Bryan worked over the arm of the World Champion for a few minutes, using different holds and worked it over and over. The crowd is hot for Daniel Bryan. Every hit, the crowd erupted with “Yes!” This match might have been best of the night. Sheamus locked in the Texas Cloverleaf, but did not earn the submission. Bryan got himself disqualified in order to strategically weaken the Irish Warrior, and then won the second fall via submission. With each man having one victory, both Sheamus and Bryan threw every move they had at each other. Sheamus nearly took the head of Bryan off at the start of the third round with the Brough kick, but not enough for the win. Bryan returned the favor with a Tajiri-style Buzzsaw kick which nearly cracked the skull of the defending champion. Bryan nearly had the win with a top rope splash, but Sheamus got out of the way in the nick of time. Sheamus, stunning Bryan with the Irish Curse backbreaker, was able to unleash the Brough Kick for the third and final fall to retain the title.
Ryback annihilated Aaron Relic and Jay Hatton
The gimmick is this. Mid-card superstars watch backstage as Ryback (the former Skip Sheffield) nearly commits murder on live television by destroying these 110-pound nobodies who are put in the ring with him. Okay, we get it. Ryback is a monster. Finishing moves are the Stan Hansen-style lariat, a sit-out Jaw-breaker driver, or a variation of the Muscle Buster. Time to actually let him face a real challenge. Interestingly, the crowd chanted for Goldberg during this match. Again, let this guy wrestle. Does WWE not yet have faith in big men like Ryback and Clay? Give them a chance, release the shackles!!!
CM Punk defeated Chris Jericho in a Chicago Street Fight to retain the WWE Championship
You know it is a “street fight” when both men are dressed in jeans. Now, THIS was match of the night. The only things missing were dimmed lights with Paul Heyman and Joey Styles on commentary. This could have been a match taking place in the ECW Arena. Kendo sticks, chairs, garbage cans, exposed turnbuckles, and more. This match needed to be seen. These two super-athletes put it all on the line. They beat each other from one end of the ring to the other. Punk dominated Jericho early on, unleashing the fire building up since WrestleMania as Jericho poked Punk at his dysfunctional family upbringing and alcoholic family past. Punk blasted Jericho over and over with a kendo stick, but Jericho brought a chair into the ring and fought back, clobbering the champion and evening the odds.
Moment of the night came when Punk laid out Jericho across the Spanish announce table. Punk, looking skyward went to the top turnbuckle and launched himself clear across the arena and planted the big elbow, destroying Jericho, the announce table, and himself.
Later on, Jericho locked the Walls on Punk, leaning a knee on top of his neck, but Punk grabbed a fire extinguisher from under the ring and blasted Y2J in the face. Punk went for the anaconda vice, but Jericho managed to grab the Kendo stick and wailed on Punk until he released the hold. Jericho grabbed a beer can and poured its contents on the downed Punk, but that only angered the straight-edge superstar. As Jericho attempted his own version of the Go-To-Sleep, Punk slipped out, countered, and sent Jericho into the exposed turnbuckle, blasting him in the head with that, followed by the Go-To-Sleep, and earning the hard-fought pinfall victory.
Layla pinned Nikki Bella to win the Diva Title
Sigh… So, in case you have not kept score, here is what happened. Last week on Raw, Beth Phoenix lost the title after she landed wrong on her ankle and was easily pinned. She was supposed to get a rematch, but Eve informs us that Beth is not medically cleared and will be replaced, and it is not Kharma (aka Awesome Kong). Layla, apparently has been injured for a year since last Extreme Rules and is back. The Bellas attempt the Twin Magic switch but that proves disastrous as Layla nearly breaks the neck of Brie Bella (because neither Bella twin can sell a move) with a turning neck-breaker and wins the title.
John Cena pinned Brock Lesnar
Brock does not look horrible. He does not look like the monster he once was, but as my wife accurately pointed out, he looks a bit more human, but still realistic in being a powerhouse of an athlete. Right off the opening bell, Brock punches and throws rough elbows hard enough to bust Cena wide open, enough for ring side medics to rush in and clean Cena up. The blood keeps flowing, and this match becomes more of a torture session. However, in good news, Brock hits Cena with not one, but TWO German Suplexes! That means there were at least FOUR suplexes this entire pay-per-view, the highest number of suplexes at a PPV I counted in the past six months!!!!
Back to reality, the behemoth is just mauling Cena like a helpless squirrel. Something tells me the plan for this match went south real fast, as Cena spent most of the match on the arena floor. During the fray, the ref gets bumped. The referee eventually recovers, only in time to get way too close, and predictably gets caught in the way as Brock swings Cena over for the F-5. A second ref comes to make the pinfall count, but not soon enough as Cena kicks out. The second ref is launched out of the ring by Brock. Cena tries some offense, but Brock tackles Cena into an armlock submission hold. Cena lifts Brock and slams him on the ring stairs which had been brought into the ring. Cena goes to the top rope, only to crash and burn as Brock dodges whatever Cena was flopping off the top rope for. Brock, using the steel stairs to taunt Cena as he struggled to get back on the ring apron. Shades of WrestleMania 19 flashed before my eyes as Brock ran the ropes, jumped off the stairs, and went for a flying forearm, but jumped TOO HIGH and launched HIMSELF over the top rope, sending himself and Cena crashing to the floor! Brock nearly killed himself. The accident did not faze Brock, as he went for the same maneuver a second time, but Cena pulls out his padlock-chain necklace and blasts Brock in the head with it. One Attitude Adjustment slam later and Cena wins.
Cena… wins.
Wait, after 20 minutes of Cena having the holy hell beaten out of him … punches Lesnar once in the face, hits his finisher and match over. If you read my previous entry about the return of Brock Lesnar and if it will be worth the hype… well, we got our answer.
Worst… Comeback… EVER.
In what might be a surprise, Cena closed the show on the mic saying he is busted up and will likely “be sent home” but he is thankful for having been able to finish the match. Very interesting indeed.
Not a bad pay-per-view, but not a great one either. The only two matches with any value seemed to be the WWE Title and World Heavyweight Title matches. The rest of the card was not all that great, and the time-fillers of Ryback destroying a pair of never-will-be-anythings and Clay and Ziggler going through rehearsed motions did not help this one out. I did enjoy the show, but this was not a great follow up to an outstanding WrestleMania.
