michael dworkis goes over the limit…
Here we are once again with another WWE pay-per-view event. What really bothered me this time was the lack of matches announced for the show. There were a lot of matches, but the majority of them felt rushed or were time-filler. There were some nice surprises, and some way-too-obvious-and-not-at-all-a-surprise moments. Let’s get to it.
Pre Show: Kane defeated Zack Ryder
I did not know what was worse. Seeing two loyal WWE stars demoted to a pre-show or the match itself. Ryder never had a chance.
Christian won a 20-man Over the Top Rope Battle Royal to earn a shot at either the United States or Intercontinental Championships later in the show.
As Christian made his way to the ring, the crowd went crazy. I guess everyone forgot his short-lived return from injury right before WrestleMania. Yep, Captain Charisma was out for nearly a year, then on his first night back, was re-injured and once again on the sidelines. The Battle Royal was what I like to call an “organized mess” where short alliances were made for quick eliminations, but eventually broke down into a chaotic free-for-all. The final four were Miz, Tyson Kidd (really?), David Otunga, and Christian. Kidd was first to go, followed by Otunga. A missed move by Miz put him in danger on the ring apron, and Christian was able to capitalize to win the match.
R-Truth & Kofi Kingston retained the WWE World Tag Team Championships against Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger
Could have been a good match. No, sorry. Could have been a great match. All four of these stars have never failed to perform, but yet it seems this match was rushed for some reason, just to get across the point that Vickie Guerrero and her boys are falling apart and a split is soon to be expected. Kofi nailed Ziggler with the Trouble in Paradise for the easy win.
Layla retained the Divas Title against Beth Phoenix
Layla’s finisher, the neckbreaker is the worst I have ever seen. Look, greats like Ravishing Rick Rude, Roddy Piper, and at one time Rick “The Model” Martel used the move to rack up the victories. But this… is horrible. The first time she used the move, she nearly killed whichever Bella Twin was the Diva champ, botching the neckbreaker. So now it is her finisher? Layla knows a few moves, but I fear this move to get the belt off Phoenix is just to give other Divas a chance at the title. At least everyone at WWE can admit, no one is close to Beth Phoenix. Except for Tamina and Natalya, you know, actual female wrestlers… onward…
Sheamus wins the Fatal Four Way (vs. Jericho, Alberto del Rio, and Randy Orton) to retain the World Heavyweight Championship
Was this one a brawl! Teasing a few lockups between Orton and Sheamus riled up the crowd fast, but Jericho and del Rio managed to score their share of ring time during the fray. I honestly could not have predicted that Sheamus would retain. Jericho and del Rio targeted the two fan favorites, trying to isolate each one and weaken them in typical four-way match style. While I enjoyed the back and forth fighting to gain momentum, the alliance between Jericho and del Rio predictably fell apart as Orton and Sheamus fought off their opponents. Jericho nearly had a pinfall after hitting the Codebreaker, and numerous pinfall attempts by the Mexican Aristocrat nearly scored him the title. However, Orton had his hulk-up moment where he hit a double-DDT on both Alberto del Rio and his lackey, Ricardo Rodriguez, and then spiked everyone with RKOs… except for Sheamus who knocked the Apex Predator into next week with the Brough Kick. Clobbering Jericho with the “White Noise” driver to retain the title in this excellent match.
Brodus Clay defeated The Miz… again
Once again The Miz complained about being on the undercard, and who can blame him? From main-eventing WrestleMania 27 and defeated John Cena, to being relegated to a Battle Royal and worse, squaring off with a dancing fool. Well, someone tell Miz to call his momma, because the dancing fool has a name, “The Funkasaurus” Brodus Clay. Once again Miz had little offense and was crushed by the rampaging dance-monster.
Christian defeated Cody Rhodes to win the Intercontinental Title
Hey! What should we do to get the crowd to support a guy they almost forgot about? Give him a title! This is what, his 27th reign as IC champion? No, but it feels that way. I like Christian and all, but I do not see him as World Champion again. He was made champ that one time out of respect to Edge. Which is fine. I am glad to see him back, but unless he goes through some massive gimmick or personality changes, I just see him being doomed to mid-card title runs for the rest of his career.
CM Punk retained the WWE Championship against Daniel Bryan
Wow. Wow. Wow. Finally these two get to steal the show. The crowd was fired up, and stayed that way through most of the match as Punk and Bryan put on a display of classic mat-wrestling. There were suplexes! SUPLEXES!! Early striking moves set the fast paced tone of the first minutes of the bout. Punk and Bryan traded kicks, until Bryan missed a flip and Punk countered with a leg submission move early, causing Bryan to make a rapid retreat. The fight spilled to the arena floor where Punk was tossed into the barricade and the dropkicked into the crowd! Taking the action back into the ring, Bryan nearly had the win with a top-rope dropkick but Punk kicked out. Bryan then locked on the Mexican surfboard, but lost his grip. Like any good ring-based technician, he improvised and bent Punk’s neck backward by locking him into a dragon sleeper, while the legs of the champion were still tied up in the surfboard hold! Punk began to rally back but soon each man countered the other. Bryan blocked a running knee strike, Punk countered a charging Bryan with a powerslam, and then blocked a spinning kick and locked Bryan into the figure four leglock! Bryan managed to escape, and then the two traded high and low kicks to gain the advantage. Bryan rolled up Punk for a near-fall, then Punk answered with the same. As the two men stood up, Bryan clocked Punk in the head with a high kick, but still only got a two-count. The match grew intense as Bryan tried again and again for the Yes-Lock and Punk made his move for the Go-To-Sleep, but neither man could score. Punk crushed Bryan with the Macho-Man Elbow, but the ref could only count a two. Punk and Bryan tried corner smashes, but Bryan gained the upper-hand by reversing and slapping on the Yes-Lock! The crowd chanting between Yes! Yes! Yes! and No! No! No! made the moment even more intense!! Punk, unable to reach the ropes pushed hard and rolled Bryan onto his shoulders into a pinfall move… ref counted one, two, and three! But Punk tapped on three! The ref awarded the match to Punk, and Bryan was livid. More Punk vs. Bryan? YES! YES! YES!
The true winner of this match was any loyal wrestling fan who appreciates more than just the punch-punch-kick-kich-hit-a-trademark move style of Cena and Orton. I am not knocking Cena and Orton, but the truth has to be understood to see the importance and appreciate the actual wrestling and in-ring storytelling that superstars like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan can do.
Ryback mauled Camacho
Who is Camacho? Another victim of Ryback, that’s who.
John Laurinaitis defeated John Cena in the Main Event of this Pay-Per-View
So … after the instant classic by Punk and Bryan, we get a match worthy of … nothing. Not even playing Benny Hill’s musical theme could have lessened my disappointment and utter disdain for this whathaveyou. I cannot even call it a match. Cena beat up “Big Johnny” with a fire extinguisher, poured water down the front of his pants like a fourth grade bully, tussled his hair, poked fun … I get it. We all get it. Cena gets his revenge, but this was just embarrassing. At least Johnny Ace had a whole 47 seconds of offense, but this was a complete waste of time.
The “shocking moment” which could have been seen coming a week ago was The Big Show coming to the ring to help Cena. Right, like Cena needed help? Laurinaitis tried to run away and Big Show threw him back into the ring, where Cena decides that NOW is the right time to hit the Attitude Adjustment. Of course, does anyone remember the stipulation? If any active superstar on the roster tries to interfere, there will be repercussions … but … hold on … Big Show was fired … that means … uh oh … Big Show waffles Cena in the face with the WMD Punch! Oh no! How could he do that?! Why Big Show, whyyyyyyyy-oh stop your crying. This whole Show-gets-fired was a set-up in the first place. Please someone tell me I was not the only one who smelled this worse than Duke “The Dumpster” Droese’s career? Now we get a Big Show-John Cena feud, which no one will care about.
The obvious gripe is the Punk vs. Bryan match should have been the main event. You have to remember though, Cena and Laurinaitis was the current main storyline so of course, that gets the top spot. It did sadly bring down the PPV, and really ended it on a lame note. I hate to say it, but the Cena match really made the rest of the show feel so anti-climatic. Face the facts. Most of the matched were unannounced and used as filler or just to get some people some air-time. The Punk vs. Bryan stole the pay-per-view, and stole the next three months of pay-per-views. The fatal-four World Title match was also really great. The sad part is, the two big title matches were the only good matches of the last pay-per-view also. Maybe it is time one of the big title bouts is finally the main event, the final match of a show.
Does anyone but me see something wrong with Orton being called a “Predator” for a nickname?