michael dworkis gets raw…
Raw starts off in a big way tonight, as Mr. Vince McMahon, has been sighted in Greensboro, North Carolina, the home of tonight’s Monday Night Raw. We begin with the announcement of the main event, Dolph Ziggler & Big Show taking on John Cena & Sheamus. Funny, how just a few years ago Cena and Shemus were embroiled in a bitter rivalry, where Sheamus upset Cena in a Tables match to win his first main event championship in WWE.
Team Hell No vs. The Prime Time Players
What a match to begin Raw with. Four men all had fantastic ring chemistry and the match really flowed well. Kane and Bryan are now on the same page, and YES we get some great double-team action from both teams. Titus O’Neal continues to impress and he goes blow-for-blow with Kane. Darren Young tries to cause some chaos, but his roll-up attempt on Bryan fails and the co-holder of the tag titles comes out on top with the three-count.
Winners by Yes! Team Hell No
Oh, look, it’s the new trio of beatdown after-the-match specialists, The Shield. They clobber Kane good and then stomp all over Daniel Bryan. Having been taunted by the Tag Team Champions prior to tonight’s match, one can understand why The Shield chose to assault the duo. Actually, no, I can’t.
I just went through WWE.com to see what interesting things they have going for tonight, and I noticed their Tout section. There are a lot of ugly people. Also, WWE.com’s poll wants to know if you think Cena and AJ will make out again. Does anyone actually care?
AJ Lee vs. Tamina Snuka
Well, on paper, Tamina should just eat AJ alive. Snuka is a wrestler. She knows what to do. However, it has to look like a match, so she wears down AJ with a number of holds and wear down maneuvers. Tamina gets AJ up in an over-the-shoulder backbreaker, but no tap-out. Tamina sets up for the big splash finish, yet somehow AJ avoids it and rolls her up for the win. Huh. Lame. The ol’ powerhouse dominates the whole match and then gets rolled up by the weaker Diva. Yawn.
Winner by predictable finish: AJ Lee
Enter CM Punk with Paul Heyman
You know, I am a Paul Heyman Guy too. He and I go way back to our days in Hebrew School together, where his meshugas was often met with a zetz and a klopf by the Rabbi. If you believe all that, then I have a bridge to sell you next.
379 days and counting, CM Punk will soon surpass John Cena as the longest reigning WWE Champion to-date, also becoming the longest titleholder of the WWE Championship for the past 25 years. You know what, that is AWESOME. Like him or hate him, he really is the best in the world right now. Punk and Heyman gloat, again teasing the WWE Universe that Punk deserves respect and if no one can handle that, then people should change the channel or just leave the arena. Punk’s tirade is interrupted by Miz, who challenges Punk to come on his interview segment and take a lie detector test. Wow, I haven’t seen the ol’ lie detector trick since 1994. The Miz starts mocking Heyman, calling him a human walrus, which starts a “Walrus” chant. Punk snaps and takes The Miz up on his offer, but warns him that the human pipe bomb may be more he can handle.
John Cena & Sheamus vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big Show
Interesting that Mr. Money In The Bank is teaming with the World Champion, the guy Dolph has yet to cash in on. Dolph showing off in the early stretch of the match. Well, I guess this is not the main event of the night, but something else is in store for us. Like, Miz TV. To the match, Cena and Sheamus take an early lead, but a hot tag from Ziggler, the Big Show takes over immediately, mauling over both Cena and Sheamus. The match quickly dissolves into an all-out brawl, concluding with Cena setting up Ziggler for the Attitude Adjustment and Sheamus scooping Big Show over his shoulders, and crushing the giant with the White Noise while Cena slams Ziggler down with his over-the-shoulder fireman’s carry finisher and getting the pinfall.
Winners by pinfall: John Cena and Sheamus
You know, this was actually a very good match. Well paced and all four men really showed off why they are the best in WWE right now. Seeing Ziggler in a high-profile match like this really gets me excited for the future, and his future World Title Reign.
Damien Sandow is Incredible
I love this guy. It’s 1989 all over again as he allows “a fan” into the ring to answer three questions. Should he be successful, he can become Sandow’s apprentice. Of course, two questions are easy, and the third beyond comprehension. I came close. My wife made fun of me for even trying. Anyway, Sandow’s intellectual enlightenment is interrupted by Santino Marella, who seems to be sporting some more tattoos lately. In a match where Santino had no hopes of winning, Sandow chucked The Cobra clear out of the ring, and pinned the comedic bore in short time.
Damien Sandow pinned Santino Marella. You’re Welcome.
Backstage, Ziggler complains to Vickie Guerrero that Big Show makes and awful tag partner and Ziggler wants a match with Cena at TLC. Vickie agrees and Ziggler promises to steal the show. I believe it. Vickie returns to her office to find… Brad Maddox. Oh boy. Brad wants his shot again to be a WWE superstar, and Vickie agrees to give him a match, against an unknown opponent. Should he win, he gets back into WWE.
Alberto del Rio vs. Sin Cara
Wow, these two guys put on quite the show! Even Sin Cara, a person I heavily criticize for his sloppy in-ring performance, actually impressed me tonight. The action spilled to the floor very fast, with Sin Cara using a hurricanrana to throw the Mexican Aristocrat into the barrier. Later on, del Rio came back, trying to ground the high flyer, but the masked sensation came back with a number of high flying tactics to stun and wear out his challenger. Unfortunately, one too many high risk moves resulted in disaster, as Alberto del Rio countered a faceplant attempt into his signature cross-armbreaker submission.
Winner by Tap Out: Alberto del Rio
Backstage, Mr. McMahon is on his way to the ring! He confronts Vickie. He wonders what type of match Cena will have with Ziggler, and clearly Vickie tries to save her boy-toy from a worse fate. However, Vince would not have it, and helped her decide to make it a Ladder Match, with Ziggler’s Money in the Bank briefcase on the line. Also, should Punk turn out to be a liar, then next week on Raw, Paul Heyman will have a match, one-on-one, with Ryback. Vince McMahon also warned Vickie to stop harping on John Cena and AJ, because frankly, he doesn’t care, and neither does anyone else. Well, that is all for Vince, for now.
Brad Maddox vs…
Randy Orton. Well, this ought to be fast. Why yes, Orton just ran through all his signature moves, and then hit the RKO in under two minutes. Bye-bye Maddox, the new Brooklyn Brawler.
Winner: Randy Orton
Oh hey! They are back! The Shield returns and beats down Randy Orton. Why? Because there was clearly an injustice done. That this match wasted good TV time?
Backstage, Ziggler flips out on Vickie, Heyman confronts Vickie, and then Vickie tries to talk more AJ scandal garbage to Cena… which Mr. McMahon specifically told her to stop doing.
Kofi Kingston & R-Truth vs. Antonio Cesaro & Wade Barrett
This match does not happen, as Teddy Long comes out and informs the four superstars this match will now be a Fatal-Four Way Title match, and WWE Universe will vote which title, Kofi’s Intercontinental Title, or Cesaro’s United States Championship. We go to commercial so everyone has time to vote on Twitter… and we are back from commercial to find out that, by a landslide…
Antonio Cesaro defends the United States Championship against Wade Barrett, Kofi Kingston, and R-Truth
WOW. This match was fantastic! At first I thought this was going to be filler, but this should have been the main event match! All four guys went nuts. Fair amount of time given to each man, although there were a number of spots on the outside of the ring. However, Kingston and Barrett stole the match with their back and forth confrontations. Cesaro, really shining tonight as he really showed off a lot of power holds and comebacks throughout the match. In a very impressive finish, Kofi seemed to have Barrett down for the three, but Cesaro lifts Kofi right off the cover and squashed The Wildcat with the Neutralizer Driver.
Winner via Pinfall, and still United States Champion: Antonio Cesaro
Miz TV Segment
Well, sadly this did not go for long before chaos ensued. Miz and Punk traded verbal blasts, but inevitably, when Miz asked the question we all wanted the answer to, The Shield charged the ring and put an end to the antics of The Miz. However, the carnage was not over, as Kane and Daniel Bryan made their way out to the ring, and took on all three members on their own. They were overmatched until…
Feed. Me. More.
Feed. Me. More.
Ryback is here and the crowd erupted! Ryback rushed the ring and made short work of Ambrose, while Kane and Bryan chased Reigns and Rollins through the crowd. In the ring, Punk put the boots to Miz as he gloated about his escape from the truth again. However his parade of victory ended abruptly as Ryback returned to the ring and nailed Punk with Shellshocked! Ryback, not done yet, brought a chair and ladder into the ring, and pummeled Punk with each object. Not to finish abruptly, Ryback pulled out one final marker, a table from under the ring. Hoisting the WWE Champion on his shoulders, Ryback planted Punk with a thunderous power-bomb to close the show.
Just two weeks away to WWE Tables Ladders and Chairs, we see Ryback still hungers and the trio known as The Shield continue to gain attention for themselves. I have no clue why they randomly brought Maddox back into the picture. Once again, WWE continues to showcase their new and very talented superstars. Sandow continues to impress, while Cesaro and Barrett also shown why they will inevitably be main event and world titleholders.
