ann hale starts a new ho ho ho…rror film series…
When you think of the Twelve Days of Christmas, what do you see? A partridge in a pear tree? Five golden rings? I see twelve days of horror movies, all Christmas themed, of course. Being that tonight is the first night of the twelve days; I thought I would start out simple and perhaps a bit ridiculous.
Tonight’s film has a family film of the same name so don’t get yourself confused during your search. You won’t find any blood in the Michael Keaton version. That’s right; the film gracing my television tonight is Jack Frost.
When a prison van carrying a serial killer, Jack Frost, on his way to execution, crashes with a truck carrying an experimental acidic solution, the murderer melts into the snow and his DNA mixes with it, turning him into a murderous snowman.
The local sheriff is the one that caught Jack Frost. Frost’s final pledge was that he would find a way to get the sheriff back. Apparently a becoming a killer snowman is the best way he can keep that promise.
Hey, you know what is scarier than an evil snowman? Everything. In fact, Shannon Elizabeth’s acting proves to be the most frightening thing in this film. She’s worse than the guy playing Jack Frost, and he’s fricken awful. They don’t even take advantage of her two true talents. I’m talking about her boobies, folks. As if you could find any other talent in her. What amazes me is that she spends so much time blow drying her hair, the noise meant to cover the death of her boyfriend, only for her to get into the bathtub and get it wet again.
Jack can seem to form anywhere he wants, which would make sense outside with all of the snow but indoors makes zero sense. Yet, somehow he pulls it off. They say he turns to liquid to travel but he plugs in Christmas lights in liquid form? Not seeing it. I’d really like to know how he stays in form inside a building pumping heat or with a fire going. Jack seems immune to all scientific logic. I guess logic has no place in a film about a killer snowman.
With all of my complaining, the film did entertain me. Don’t get me wrong, it’s dumber than hell but watching Shannon Elizabeth get beaten to death by a snowman was pretty funny. I would suggest turning it into a drinking game. You could drink every time you think Jack is actually dead, every time he turns into liquid form, and every time he makes an awful quip.
You’ll be smashed. Enjoy.
