michael dworkis gets raw …
Well we begin Raw in a very strange way. In order to determine the stipulation for Extreme Rules, we have a triple threat match and the winner gets to choose…
Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Zeb Colter vs. Big E. Langston
Well, not the winner of the match per se, but the person who they represent gets to pick the stip. JBL accurately calls this match a Train Wreck. Well, it is not terrible, but Langston is making squishy out of Ricardo while “The Founding Father” Zeb Colter watches from the ring apron. Ricardo shows off some great bump ability, and even nails a charging drpkick. I guess ol’ “Dirty Dutch” has to back off from wrestling these days. Ricardo humorously throws a bucket at Langston, and we get a great laugh as it just bounces off. Ricardo does not get to laugh since he gets squashed via a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. Ricardo wins after Langston gets tangled with Swagger, Ziggler, and Del Rio, leaving Zeb to be rolled up by the ring announcer.
Winner via Total Insanity: Ricardo Rodriguez
This means Alberto del Rio gets to choose the stipulation for the triple threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Big news this week, John Cena suffered an injury during the overseas tour. However, he is still scheduled to compete tonight, teaming with Ryback to challenge The Shield.
John Cena celebrates Make-A-Wish’ World Wish Day on Raw
Say what you want about Cena, but the guy is awesome for going above and beyond to grant wishes to kids who need them. Tonight, three young boys get to be Honorary Superstars. They are Jacob “The Eliminator”, Nick “The Stitch”, and “Lightening” Logan. You have got to love WWE for doing this. Amazing stuff. WWE is famous for granting wishes and you might not believe me, but a lot of the wrestlers volunteer and go out of their way, even if it means extra travel time, to fulfill wishes for Make-A-Wish.
Randy Orton defeats Cody Rhodes
JBL told a funny joke during this match, he said out of both men, Orton has all this potential and lives up to it. Very funny. He even says it twice. Cole mentions that Rhodes is from Marietta, Georgia. So was The Big Boss Man. JBL then compares Cole to Jack Hannity? How many beers has JBL gone through? Eight? Rhodes and his mustache spent most of the time on the match. JBL starts making Back to the Future jokes, so clearly no one, not the crowd, not me, nor the announcers are remotely interested in this one. JBL makes more movie references. Ten beers. Wonderful moment as Orton sets up Rhodes for a top rope superplex, looks like he gyrates as he swings Rhodes over his head for the drop. Not a good landing, but at least a Suplex. The finish was actually good as Rhodes went for the Disaster Kick and ate an RKO. Actually a good finish.
Oh crap. WWE and E! pair up to bring a show just for the WWE Divas. Total Divas. Great.
Naomi the Funkadactyl beat Nikki Bella by DQ
Naomi can wrestle. She was on NXT. She kicked tail in FCW. Bellas win doing the whole twin magic switcheroo. Wait… Naomi complained to the ref, and somehow he noticed a difference between the two, and reversed the decision. I saw online that there is a difference… Well, I should say “two” differences. I will let you figure that out. Yawn.
The Shield
Ambrose talks about bring justice to a world full of injustice. Last Friday night, Ambrose and Undertaker had an incredible match which saw Ambrose tap out to the Hell’s Gate. Shield shows how they stopped WWE in their tracks, beating up Ryback, Cena, Undertaker, and others with their triple powerbomb. Oh hell, 3MB interferrupts. The crowd is dead. JBL and I agree that this is a waste. Thankfully, Team Hell No arrive to face off, and The Shield bails from the ring. Instead the dup turn their rage on 3MB. Once again, JBL sums it up nicely… “Does everyone hate 3MB?”
We are building towards a good confrontation with Daniel Bryan, Kane, and The Shield. No doubt the Tag Team Championships will be on the line. I hope this does not mean the end of Team Hell No is nearing. Even if they lose the titles, they have such in awesome chemistry which fans go wild for every week. Their banter, comedy, and their in-ring cohesion is an example of the best form of tag team, something we have not seen in years.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Kofi Kingston
We get an incredible match with two incredible stars. I know I was down on Cesaro losing the United States Title to Kingston, but that does not mean I do not like him. Kingston is incredible in the ring, and against a guy like Ziggler he can really shine. Lawler makes a bad joke, saying when he asked AJ what he could give her to get a kiss, and she replied asking for chloroform. Hell Lawler. What the hell. Anyway, Kingston and Ziggler go back and forth with trademark moves, and quite frankly, do a great job of selling each move and impact. Matches like this should be main event, not mid-card. It does concern me that now Ziggler is mid-show material, when as World Champion, should be the main attraction. Needless to say, a match like this should be a show-closer since it keeps people on their feet. Kingston had the win, hitting Ziggles with the Trouble in Paradise, but AJ put his leg on the ropes. Kofi hits two consecutive high impact high-risk splashes, but the third was his undoing as Ziggy dodged a top rope splash, nailing the US Champ with the Zig Zag and earning the win.
Winner by AWESOME MATCH: Dolph Ziggler
Post-match: Big E. goes nuts, crushing Kofi over and over.
Ziggler again is true to his moniker as The Show Off. I hope he does not get overshadowed by others. We have seen that happen before to WWE/World Champions, who wind up taking backseats to dramatic storylines.
Backstage: AJ confronts Kaitlyn to challenge for the Divas title. Kaitlyn then gets a gift from a mystery person. Crap in a hat. Oh, it is a hat, and now she and Natalya giggle. WHY?!
Backstage: Ryback is angry. He does not want Cena as a partner. Vickie and a thumb-sucking Maddox say he can team up with Hell No tonight. He responded with “Ryback Rules… No!” He storms off ending an awkwardly bad segment. Why is Maddox still here? I know his gimmick is supposed to be annoying, but the fact it is not annoying me annoys me!
Hype for the Triple H/Brock Lesnar match for Extreme Rules, taking place in a Steel Cage Match
For a feud which started out as another disaster, it turned into something watchable. The WrestleMania match was a solid wrestling match, which was the shocker since it was expected to be a blood-bath. Triple H is now among those who can wrestle part-time, and it works. He can bring it when he needs to.
Jack Swagger mauls Zack Ryder
What did you think would happen? Ryder gets some offense, but this is all about reminding the viewers Swagger is a beast in the ring. Swagger Bomb + Patriot Act = Match Over.
We The People indeed.
Ryback walks out of the arena. Yawn.
Mark Henry bring a large rope to the ring. Is somebody hanging the gallows? No, we get an open challenge for a tug-of-war contest. Both Tensai and Brodus Clay tried out, and lost. Sheamus stepped up next and put up a good fight, until he tripped up Henry and blasted him in the face with the Brough Kick.
Looks like this four-man dance with Show, Henry, Orton, and Sheamus rotates again.
Backstage: Team Hell No tell Vickie and Maddox they will go after The Shield, 2-on-3. Maddox then informs Cena he will not compete. Cena gets in his face and threatens to hurt him. Maddox, or whatever his name really is, needs acting lessons. I get what the guy is trying to do, but he is terrible. He is attempting to act like a scared widdle intern, but instead looks like a guy who just sucks.
Ziggler has an interesting tweet, about the fact he is not main eventing Raw, and that nothing can follow his matches. Good man Ziggles. Good man.
Alberto del Rio vs. Antonio Cesaro
Cesaro is in the ring waiting, and we find out from Cole he was yodeling during the entrance. Once again, Cesaro, for whatever reason is being slowly buried. They still have a great match. Del Rio and Cesaro have a style which tells a story and flowing action, keeping a fast-yet-steady pace. Both men are mat-based grapplers, it is a shame Cesaro is unable to step into the main-event spotlight with Del Rio, Swagger, and Ziggler. We get a lot of suplexes, and I am so glad suplexes are coming back in style. Cesaro throws Del Rio with a gut-wrench Suplex, and Del Rio responds later with a picture-perfect German Suplex. Cesaro even scores with his signature uppercut as the former World Champ jumped off the top, but unable to win the bout. Another trade of holds, sees Cesaro try for a win with a rollup, but the Mexican Aristocrat scores the win by countering into the Cross-Armbreaker for the win.
Winner via Submission in a Suplex-fest: Alberto del Rio
Post match: Alberto del Rio announces the World Heavyweight Championship will be on the line in a Ladder Match. Si! Si! Si!
The Great Khali & Natalya vs. Fandango & Girl of the Week in a Dance Contest
JBL, 16 beers in correctly states the need for subtitles when Khali speaks. Why is Jerry Lawler in the ring. Why is Lawler asking everyone what they thought of Jericho on Dancing With the Stars? Why is this even here?! Why are WE here?! Fandango easily wins this sham of a contest… Wait, wha? Khali wins this garbage? This is just absurd. Fandango beats him up, exclamation point with a huge top rope guillotine legdrop. In case anyone is wondering, the girl has a name. Summer Rae. Thanks to Lawler for one meaningful tidbit all night.
John Cena & Team Hell No vs. The Shield
Up next is Cena, Bryan, and Kane vs. The Shield. I love how Bryan always covers his ears when Kane hits the pyro. Early on Kane hits a high vertical Suplex. Kane mauls everyone, tags in Bryan who kicks the crazy out of Ambrose. Swift tags from the babyfaces, until Bryan is worked over by Rollins and Reigns. Kane tags in and he gets beaten down until hulking up and smashing Ambrose down with a choke-slam. All-out brawl breaks out, and Cena gets a hot tag, only to collapse while lifting Rollins and eats a spear from Reigns, and is pinned.
Winners by pinfall: The Shield
Short recap, but a great match. All six worked very well. I should say five, since Cena was not all that involved due to his injury. After the match, Ryback showed up, but just stood there breathing heavily.
Well, another RAW in the books. Pretty good show. Solid wrestling from the under-card, with a very well played main event match. Once again The Shield continues to impress and it is clear WWE plans on making this angle quite prominent heading towards SummerSlam. Dean Ambrose gets another singles match on SmackDown, this time against Daniel Byran. I wonder if the Deadman will return soon to confront The Shield again?
Ryback made some sort of impact, than he is becoming more of the angry-yet-whining heel. The guy is a monster, but now he wears a silly hat as repeats “Ryback Rules” over and over to no reaction. Not sure if this is a bad sign or not. Time will tell. Zack Ryder has become the modern-day Barry Horowitz. Big E. is a big man with a bad attitude. He will get his slow build.
Mark Henry is a monster, and these fun little strongman segments remind everyone that he really is the World’s Strongest Man. Sheamus and Henry can have a good feud, but as I said before, he, with Orton are going around in circles facing off with Big Show and Henry. Eventually we will have to see Orton vs. Sheamus.
I hope we get some more focus on the Ziggler/Swagger/Del Rio feud. That could be something which lasts the summer, and it rightfully should.
Comments are closed.