michael dworkis gets RAW…plus a special guest spot from his wife Evi…
Coming to the ring, from Greenwich, CT, it is none other than The Game, Triple H! Defying orders from both wife and daddy-in-law, Hunter kicks off RAW storming to the ring for his scheduled match against Curtis Axel. Speaking of whom, comes to the ring with his wonderfully remixed music from his father, Mr. Perfect. I had thought a few weeks ago they ditched the music, but I am happy to have been wrong. Anyway, big bearded Axel steps in the ring. Lawler and Cole talk about his recent wins against Jericho, Cena, and Sin Cara. What they do not mention, is the victory against Sin Cara was the only clean one. We get a nice walking Suplex by HHH, only to interrupt the action with the entrance of Vince McMahon. Axel tries to blindside The Game during the entrance, but is dumped to the floor. Vince ends the match, calling for a DQ, giving Axel yet another win.
Winner by Vince-imposed DQ: Curtis Axel
Post-match, Helmsley is furious as Vince leaves with a smile on his face. Vince returns to the back, but the COO exercises his power and restarts the match.
Triple H vs. Curtis Axel in a No DQ match
We get some headlocks, and Vince returns, ringing the bell himself. The ring announcer, per Vince, informs us that Curtis Axel wins by forfeit.
Winner by Forfeit: Curtis Axel
Post-Match, the COO restarts it as a 60-Minute Iron Man match, and rings the bell.
Triple H vs. Curtis Axel in a 60-Minute Iron Man match
Vince returns yet again, ordering Axel and Heyman to leave the ring. Vince then steals the ring bell and retreats backstage.
Match is a No-Contest due to Grand Theft Ring-Bell
Backstage, Triple H yells at Stephanie over what happened. She begs her husband not to beat her father up. She cries as Hunter tells her she has to be the one to talk to him or things will get ugly.
Kane defeats Dean Ambrose by DQ
So tonight is DQ’d Raw night? Anyway, recap of SmackDown where Kane has enough of Bryan and his paranoid attitude. Kane looking good in singles action, the resulting rift between him and Daniel Bryan seems to have rejuvenated Kane as a singles wrestler, and can be taken seriously. Another official runs down to ringside with a new bell. Amborse gets owned by Kane as the crowd chants for the United States Champion. Ambrose makes a great champ, and boy can he sell. Thanks to the WWE App, Bryan and Orton are blathering backstage while watching RAW, or the new episode of Defiance. Kane counters a number of strikes, throwing the Shield member on his face more than once. Kane is looking awesome. Inevitably, the other two Shield members charge in for the DQ ending. Bryan and Orton rush down to save Kane. Guess they forgot about Orton dropping Bryan with an RKO on SmackDown.
Still wondering why Randy Orton is involved in this angle.
WWE App users vote and Daniel Bryan will face Seth Rollins. That means Orton will face Reigns.
Backstage Kane, Orton, and Bryan argue. Vickie interrupts and drops the bomb on them about WWE Payback. Orton and Bryan will face Rollins and Reigns for the WWE Tag Team Championships. The duo leave arguing while Kane is in disbelief as he does not get a tag title rematch. Vickie returns, telling Kane he gets Ambrose in a United States Title Match. Kane hugs Vickie, freaking her out. Segment ends with Kane laughing. Joy to comedy!
The Miz defeats Cody Rhodes
We start the match with the announcement, earlier released on WWE.com that Fandango did suffer a concussion injury, and will not be in the triple-threat match for the Intercontinental Championship. Barrett sits at ringside, talking about being the greatest IC champion, and how based on his record, The Miz has no chance of defeating him one on one. Sadly, while Barrett does sound good on commentary he clearly must only count his wins at untelevised live-events. Oh, the match. Rhodes dominated Miz until at some point Rhodes misses a move and The Miz locks in the Figure-Four to earn another submission victory.
Post-match, Paul Heyman announces there will still be a Triple-Threat match for the Intercontinental Title, and the third man will be Curtis Axel. There we go, and Wade Barrett can kiss his IC strap good-bye. Axel takes the mic, calling it a “Perfect Ending” for him at WWE Payback. This is why Axel is a Paul Heyman guy, needs to improve his mic skills.
During the match, we find out Sheamus and Damien Sandow face each other on the pre-show. Joy.
Promo for the return of Mark Henry and the Hall of Pain. Wait, he left?
Backstage: Steph talks to Vince, trying to anyway. Steph is very upset. Vince explains this is all for business, and Steph should keep Triple H away from him. Great, another pointlessly predictable family feud brewing.
Chris Jericho comes to the ring, and talks about facing CM Punk. Jericho says Punk is as damn good as everyone thinks he is. Jericho says he and Punk are one and the same, only to be the best at what they do. Jericho pushes Jericho/Punk III as going to be the best. WrestleMania 28, Extreme Rules 2012, and now WWE Payback 2013. Jericho promises neither man with ever…
… DOLPH ZIGGLER! Mr. Ziggles returns to Monday Night Raw! The World Champion talks about being the new “best in the business” and how he will defeat Alberto del Rio at Payback. Jericho wants Ziggler in the ring tonight. Ziggler agrees Jericho should have a match, but it will be against Big E. Langston.
Chris Jericho defeated Big E. Langston
Coming back from commercial, Langston is mauling Jericho all over the place. He soon turns the tables and launches Langston to the floor. Mostly kicks and punches, not very entertaining from the so-called best in the world. Langston does the whole strongman bit and lobs Jericho into the ring stairs. In the ring, Langston strikes with big forearms. Oh look! WWE App in the bottom corner, Del Rio talking! Oh how cool! Not. Lot of rest holds going on here, not very exciting from two guys who should be putting on an exciting match. Nice spot with Langston catching Jericho in mid-air, then cracking him with backbreakers over and over. Ziggler gets on the apron, allowing a distracted Jericho to get decked by Langston. Del Rio rushes down, causing the distraction attempt to role-reverse, allowing Jericho to score with the Codebreaker and earn the pinfall victory.
Antonio Cesaro defeats Sin Cara
The match is overshadowed by the intriguing commentary by guest Zeb Colter. Obviously, Colter bashes Sin Cara verbally, while Cesaro bashes him physically. Colter cautions Cole, Lawler and JBL about what they say since the United States Government is listening. Swagger is mysteriously injured, perhaps Colter is looking for a new protégé? Sin Cara actually does some nice spinnie-flippie moves, but ultimately Cesaro overpowers the little masked guy with a Main Event Sleeper followed by the Neutralizer.
Wyatt Family Promo – This is a work of art. Beautiful.
Vickie is stuffing her face with Hardee’s burgers, and with a full mouth, blabbers about all the beef and bacon she can shove down. Oh lord, this is terrible. Brad Maddox tries to stop her, and enters Mr. McMahon, who advises Vickie to “chew and swallow.” Vince berates her for being a pig. Vince challenges her to think as well as she eats. Vince is concerned Cena and Ryback will tear into each other and someone will get injured.
I have just kind of accepted Braddox lives. He is there, just milling around.
Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns
Bryan comes out after Orton enters the ring to a loud ovation. Crazy or not, Bryan is the hottest guy in WWE right now. Bryan still adamant the incident on SmackDown was an accident. Orton still says his RKO was on purpose. Rollins and Reigns hit the ring. Bryan remains at ringside to back up Orton. Cole gets all “Vintage Orton” in this one, the match, long and slow, not a good combination. Match ends when all four brawl, with Bryan taking out both Shield members with a dive to the floor. Ref ends the match as Bryan leads the entire crowd in a huge YES chant.
Match Result: No Contest
Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins
You have two former ROH wrestlers, so you know exactly what sort of match you will get. Nothing but Awesome. Crowd hot with YES chants for every strike Bryan connects with. Rollins getting pounded repeatedly, once again nailing Rollins with a dive to the outside. Orton backs off Reigns from interfering after Bryan cracks Rollins with a diving knee strike. After eating the mat since the start, Rollins hits a trip-back facebuster smashing Bryan face-first into the corner. Rollins goes for the Mexican Surfboard, a traps Bryan, but not for long as Bryan STANDS UP on Rollins knees, and lock him in his Mexican Surfboard! Wait… Bryan modifies, into a DRAGON SLEEPER WHILE STILL IN THE SURFBOARD! HOLY F***ING CRAP!
My wife says: “That 15 seconds of television was better than half of WrestleMania.”
Back from commercial, Rollins in control. Goes for a standing roundhouse, but Bryan caught him in mid-air, trapping into a Half-Crab. Bryan rushes the corner with the power dropkick, Rollins slumped in the corner and Bryan hits another one! Great exchange of kicks, Rollins now connects with the roundhouse kick. Bryan counters a German Suplex, Rollins counters a Hurricanrana into a Turnbuckle Powerbomb! Bryan blody, just went from goatbeard to redbeard (thanks Evi). Rollins rushes Bryan, he counters with a standing switch, sandwich into the corner, Bryan rolls back for a roll… NO! ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEX!!!! HOLY CRAP!! Bryan and Rollins heads to the top rope, and both go crashing to the mat. Reigns tries to interfere, but Orton takes him out, Bryan kicks Rollins, traps him in a small package, and gets the pin! BRYAN WINS! ROLLINS LOSES! The first pinfall loss for the Shield?!
Winner by AWESOME INCREDIBLE RING OF HONOR TRIBUTE MATCH: Daniel Bryan
That’s it. I’m done. This was the best match on RAW ever. I think I just watched the main event of a Ring of Honor Pay-per-view. Vince McMahon must have told them to “go crazy” out there.
My wife and I debated tag team names for Bryan and Orton.
Vegan Cowboys (if Cowboy Bob is their manager)
Kaitlyn in the ring. The show just tanked. She calls out the “Secret Admirer” who turns out to be… Big E. Langston? What? Hang on, my wife wants to take over…
Are they really going to kill his character now? This is terrible. They obviously do want to kill his character. I am trying to figure out if he is acting or actually has a stutter. Langston moves in to kiss her, and instead he drops her on the mat. Turns out AJ Lee was behind this, because of how she was used by Cena, Punk, and Bryan. Kaitlyn was supposed to be her friend. Back to the Crazy AJ gimmick. I get she is good at the mind-games gimmick, and now making Kaitlyn cry? This is supposed to be the Divas Champion? Well, this is pretty interesting. AJ using a lot of degrading talk, calling the Diva Champion a trailer-park cow. The set up of the “secret admirer” was pretty good, but leaving Kaitlyn crying in the middle of the ring should build her up to defeat AJ Lee at WWE Payback. If Kaitlyn does in fact lose, well, she becomes a weak Diva in an already weak division.
Another Wyatt Promo. These guys are creepy, and Michael is really looking forward to these guys making their WWE debut. If my husband is giddy for this group, then you better look forward to them also.
Damien Sandow comes to the ring. Bashing Sheamus. Sandow is perfect on the mic. Future champion right here. Here comes R-Truth? Oh, he still has a career. How about a new gimmick?
Mike, back to you.
Thanks my adoring wife. Folks, this is true love right here. When we started dating, Evi had no interest in wrestling. All it took was joining in at a PPV party and the conversion began. Fast-forward five years later, she has been to two Ring of Honor shows, Hell in the Cell 2009, and WrestleMania 29.
Damien Sandow defeated R-Truth
Slow match, Truth did his usual shtick until Sandow connected with The Silencer for the win. Sheamus comes out to taunt his pre-show opponent.
Backstage, Stephanie tells an intern to find Triple H. Back from commercial, we see Steph revealing her ploy to get Triple H and her daddy in the same room to talk it out like grown men. Neither man wants to apologize. Vince explains his actions because he thinks Triple H has become bigger than the wrestling ring, bigger than being a wrestler. HHH understands, and Vince says he will even give him Curtis Axel. Triple H then says he agrees and will not wrestle. Vince then says he wants the match. Steph returns and wants a group-family hug. This segment got awkward fast. Still pointless.
Cena/Ryback confrontation. Glad this is the end, because this boring segment will help me fall asleep tonight. Cena tries to fight, but all the lumberjacks around ringside stop him. Ryback and Cena eventually fight in the ring, and then an all-out brawl ensues. William Regal spotted. Curt Hawkins too?
So let’s see.
Daniel Bryan vs. Seth Rollins stole the show. It stole last week’s show, and probably even next week’s show. The only highlights were trailers for Man of Steel and World War Z. The rest of the night was completely bland and just as reminders about what matches we should expect at WWE Payback. Frankly, a lot of focus well-placed on The Shield and the Bryan/Kane/Orton trio. Very little regarding Cena/Ryback. A rushed show-closing segment. Strange, seeing how it is supposed to be the biggest match at Payback.
Payback preview coming this week!