TV Recap: WWE TLC 2013

Randy Orton defeated John Cena to become the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion. They just combined the names of the two championships. Whoa, did I just go right to the main event? I sure did because it was the WORST Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match I have ever seen in my entire life. My twin kids could have put on a better match while I’m carted away by Social Services. Seriously, the match had maybe three wrestling moves combined and featured the two stars beating each other up like it was a fifth grade brawl. It got a little creative towards the end with Orton handcuffing Cena to the ropes, only to have Cena undo the turnbuckle and use the rope slack to his advantage. I was hoping for a hanging, all we got was a few shots to the head. Orton tossed Cena off the top of the ladder, missing the table too. That spot was blown. Orton then grabbed both belts, and out came Vince McMahon, Stephanie and Triple H to celebrate. It was a clean win, clean as you get for TLC.

It really bothers me how they say “it’s 50 years in the making” and it is “once in a lifetime” considering there have been title unifications throughout the past five decades, and we just had one ten years ago with the WWE and World Championships. I hate it when WWE thinks its fan base has the memory of goldfish.

Preshow: Miz and Kofi come to blows, and Dolph Ziggler suffers an embarrassing loss to Fandango.

We open the show with CM Punk taking on The Shield. Ambrose acting overly cocky, safe to say the countdown to the breakup is over. Reigns took a nasty shot from Punk early on, but he continued strong in the match, while Rollins did a lot of heavy work, while Ambrose would jump in to attempt the easy victory. Tension rising, and culminated with Reigns accidentally blasting Ambrose to pieces with a spear. Punk fought hard and prevailed, at many times was on the offensive with Shield looking pretty shabby. Thanks to the miscue, Punk managed to earn a major win to open the show.

AJ Lee retained the Diva title against Natalya. This, was a good match. I have to say, I am critic no more. Natalya I have always enjoyed watching, but AJ Lee took time for her to grow on me, and this match really shows how well she can hang with a seasoned vet like Natalya. I had expected Natalya to finally take the title, but it looks like her days of becoming champion are still far off.

Big E. Langston retained the Intercontinental Championship against Damien Sandow. This was expected, as it really would not have made sense to have a powerhouse suddenly drop the belt clean. While Sandow can be a formidable foe, a sudden title change would have weakened the momentum Big E. has running. However, with Sandow still running dry on wins, I also wonder if WWE Creative has anything big plans for the Intellectual Savior of the Masses.

Next up was the Tag Team Fatal Four Way Championship match, and sadly, it only lasted about ten minutes. The eliminations felt rushed, and the team of Axel and Ryback seemed very off this time. Sometimes they seem to gel well, others, they just seem awkward. In a surprise, the Real Americans were eliminated next, leaving the two face teams to go at it. The Rhodes Bros. retained after Cody scored the final pin on Rey Mysterio.

We get two bonus matches with R-Truth defeating Brodus Clay and Kofi Kingston finally gets a win over The Miz. In the first match, Clay gets angrier and angrier for every time he misses. Truth steals the win, sending Clay into a furious rage. It’s heel turn time for the former Funkasaurus. In the second bout, Kingston and Miz beat each other up in a boring match, but it was Miz’s own underhanded tactics which saw his undoing, colliding with an exposed turnbuckle, allowing Kofi to capitalize and win.

The Wyatts earn the win over Daniel Bryan, but not before Bryan did some major damage to the family. A wonderfully creepy moment when Bray Wyatt pulls an exorcist and does a scary looking upside down spider-walk, which does earn a “that was creepy” chant from the live Houston crowd. Bryan unleashed everything in the fast-paced bout, while Harper and Rowan did most of the dirty work. Wyatt and Bryan proved to work well together, I wouldn’t mind seeing some one-on-one matches with them. Bryan seemed to have victory in-hand, but Wyatt catching Bryan and planting him with the Sister Abigail sealed victory for the family.

I’ve already covered the main event, but damn was it a show-killer. To be honest it would not have been any better with Cena winning. As I said in the preview, it’s just the lesser of two evils emerging victorious here. We all knew this match was going to be a bust, and pretty damn lame and anti-climatic. It was sloppy, awkward, and downright boring.

The pay-per-view as a whole really felt bland. The only two matches worthwhile were the two 3-on-1 handicap bouts feature Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatts, and CM Punk vs. The Shield, the latter being predictable seeing Rollins, Reigns, and Ambrose pretty much at the end of their unit. The other title matches were pretty standard for something on RAW or SmackDown, but surprisingly the Diva Title match proved to be more than time-filler. The actual time-filler matches were decent, sadly better than the main event itself. You hear the hate yet? I hate how WWE treats its fans like they don’t know any better, they suddenly shove the “ultimate Cena/Orton” match down our throats. They forget ten years ago when they unified the WWE and WCW World Titles, there was months of build. This had all of three weeks. It makes no sense to me why WWE wasted a real big opportunity to create a tournament of some type, or something bigger than just a one-off with Cena and Orton.

We should have had some build up to a one-on-one bout taking place at the Royal Rumble, where then we get one unified champion, and on the same night find out who the #1 contender will be at WrestleMania 30. Now there would have been some real build, and continue it towards WrestleMania. That could have been exciting. Tonight’s PPV really lacked anything special. I really hope we get something better starting tomorrow night on RAW.