TV Recap: RAW is Betty White

Before RAW began, a short moment of silence for WWE Production manager Frank Bullock who passed away recently after a long battle with cancer.

RAW starts off with Justin Roberts introducing tonight’s guest host, Betty White. Accompanied by the Big Show, she promises to have fun and to kick someone’s ass. Before she gets any more riled up, The Authority interrupts as Triple H has a short staredown with Big Show. As Triple H talks about the Elimination Chamber participants, Randy Orton appears to stagger down to ringside. Not even making this up, the guy looks like he is dragging his feet. Am I the only one who wonders why he is still carrying both belts to the ring? I thought it was supposed to be one Unified Title? Can’t really hear what Orton is saying as we get a huge YES! YES! YES! chant, which slowly becomes a CM Punk chant. Yeah, fans want an answer.

They get the answer, as the theme of Daniel Bryan hits and the crowd goes completely bonkers. Bryan cuts an awesome promo, demanding a match with Kane. Orton tries kissing up to Stephanie, but Bryan reminds everyone it was not too long ago where Orton tried kissing Stephanie. Triple H gets ticked off, informing Bryan Kane is nowhere in the building and he now gets the night off. Bryan commands the crowd, changing YES chants into NO chants. Incredible how he does it.

JBL hypes up the upcoming match between The Wyatts and The Shield at Elimination Chamber as “Once in a Lifetime.” Where have I heard that before? Bray Wyatt looked incredible as he scored the win for his team as he caught a running Rey Mysterio as he went for the 619 and planted him with the Sister Abigail in one swift move. Incredible. Match incredible. Rhodes and Goldust again pulled out every move. Rhodes flies over the top, Goldust taking out opponents with sentons, Harper and Rowan are convincing scary beasts. Love this trio.

Recap of Roman Reigns chucking 12 poor souls over the top rope during the Royal Rumble. Backstage, Reigns and Rollins talk about their confidence in defeating the Wyatts in two weeks. However, Renee Young questions Dean Ambrose as to why he has not defended the United States Championship in some time. In response, Ambrose is offering an open challenge tonight.

Backstage: Betty White is surrounded by the WWE Divas all sporting shit-eating grins because they have nothing intelligent to say. The segment is saved by the timely interruption of The New Age Outlaws who rescue White, and viewers from further boredom.

Emma of NXT is now accompanying Santino to the ring. Great. Three minutes later, Fandango defeats him. Additionally, Miz is on commentary as an Angry Duck. He’s always that way.

Unless you have little kids, you will not get the joke.

So, Jack Swagger’s new thing is being jealous of Antonio Cesaro being in the Elimination Chamber. Might not be such friction. Wonder if Swagger regrets his actions from last year? He might get another opportunity, as the crowd in L.A. were loudly behind The Real Americans with “We The People” chants. Uncle Zeb must be proud. Even better, during a massive exchange between Sheamus and Cesaro, the crowd shouted “YAY!” every time Cesaro landed a blow. Crowd got hot as both guy brutalized each other, and before you know it, the crowd is huge behind Cesaro. However, the Real Americans came up short against Sheamus and Christian as Jack Swagger ate a huge Brough Kick when the action got crazy. Another incredible match tonight, the WWE wrestlers are really picking up the pace and delivering huge matches. We got a Cesaro swing, always love that. Apparently, the Real Americans got a near 10-minute standing ovation at a live event in San Jose on Sunday. Wow.

Michael Cole introduces a 30-second clip of Batista thanks to their YouTube Channel of him powerbombing people. Yawn.

Dolph Ziggler comes out for his match. Is it weird I listen to his theme song in the car? His opponent is Alberto del Rio who brawled with Grax last week but narrowly escaped a Batista Bomb. In the ring, Ziggler is destroying Del Rio with his ten-count elbowdrops, and a bigtime Famouser (wait, Billy Gunn is back, is he allowed to do that?). Unfortunately, Del Rio gets in one counter, followed by his standing superkick to a kneeling Ziggler to earn the pinfall. This paragraph lasted longer than the match.

However, Del Rio decided it was time to beat up Ziggler some more, but Batista came out for the save, spearing Del Rio into next week. Taking the fight to the outside, Batista hurls Del Rio into the crowd barrier multiple times, and then splatters the Mexican Aristocrat through the announce table with a Batista Bomb. Guess that’s why they showed the YouTube clip.

Backstage, Triple H tells Batista to reign in the rage. Apparently, WWE is a publically traded company now. Uhm… It’s been a publicly traded company since 2000?

The next inductee into the WWE Hall of Fame is… LITA! That is an awesome choice for a Diva this year. That woman was ridiculous in the ring.

Backstage, The New Age Outlaws offer Betty White tea. When she isn’t looking, they spike it with something. Oh look, she fools them and switches cups with Billy Gunn. Yeah. Great waste of time there guys. Jerry Lawler screws up and says Road Dogg drank the bad cup. Sigh.

The Usos come out for their match against Ryback and Curtis Axel, and the Outlaws are out by commentary. Cole says the Usos asked for a title match against the Outlaws, but they do not think they are worth the challenge. Gunn hasn’t said a word, because his tummy hurts. Probably because Ryback got tagged in, and the entire crowd boos. Randy Savage chants start. Nice spot where one Uso tags the other as he leaps over the ropes to splash onto Ryback on the outside. Usos win. Road Dogg attempts to confront the Usos, but Gunn runs away clenching his ass. Oh, I get it now. I see what they did there. Vince must be giggling.

Dean Ambrose is out with the Shield, and we find out who is answering the open challenge: MARK HENRY. Ambrose pulls a Gunn and craps himself. Unfortunately this match runs a bit slow, resulting in another “CM Punk” chant tonight. Henry manages to flatten Ambrose with the World’s Strongest Slam, but Rollins dives into the ring before the ref could make the three count. In the end, Reigns blasts Henry with the spear.

So was this all just to show Ambrose as the weak link? Maybe, but we also get a return appearance by the Wyatt Family! Huge staredown segment, perfectly excecuted. Wyatts come to the ramp, Shield come back to one side of the ring. Wyatts then go to the opposite side. Shield ascend the ring apring, Wyatts respond in kind. However, only Roman Reigns stepped into the ring, while Bray teased the same, but backed off laughing. They will probably point out how Rollins and Ambrose stayed back while Reigns went in alone. Great segment, crowd going nuts with each chess move.

In honor of Black History month, we get a nice segment featuring Bobo Brazil.

Then we get trash like a Diva match. Brie Bella nearly faceplants herself trying some Hardy-like double-team with her sister. They’re all dropping each other on their heads in what should have been titled “Legit Injury On A Pole” match. Everyone in that match may now have a concussion.

We get a quick promo from Alexander Rusev. This guy is a beast!! But not on the mic.

Kane comes out to blather on about what he did last week, but no one cares. Except for Daniel Bryan who charges the ring and beats the tar out of the corporate lackey. I am guessing the whole suit-and-tie thing just isn’t as intimidating as it should be.

Here we are folks, John Cena and Randy Orton go at it for the billionth time, making it clear that a Cena/Orton match is such a rare altercation, they have only done it a dozen times a year. This match has become more common than Zack Ryder jobbing. I’d rather watch another Diva botch-fest bout. Or 3MB. Orton took time during the match to POINT AT THE WRESTLEMANIA SIGN. Because that is what you do. Crowd wakes up as Orton spikes Cena with the RKO, but only gets a two. Cena then tosses Orton with the Attitude Adjustment, and also get a two count. JBL calls it right, stating both men are emptying their toolbox, as both Cena and Orton are using up their signature moves. Cena then hits Orton with his off-the-top legdrop thing, the AA, and gets the pinfall. So, Orton loses on RAW but gets to win on SmackDown. Makes sense.

No, it does not. This RAW started off great, but the last hour went to crap. The show should have ended with the Wyatt/Shield staredown, or even the Bobo Brazil feature. I am surprised as to how much the crowd got into the Cena/Orton match, maybe because it seemed like Cena was going to lose. It is funny though, Orton can’t win on RAW, only SmackDown. In any case, the CM Punk chants did not stop, although noticeably less than last week. Again, more proof throughout the show how Daniel Bryan is the man fans want to see main event at WrestleMania 30, not Batista.

Coming soon, why the word “butt-hurt” accurately describes what wrestling fans believe WWE is giving them, when in truth, it’s the fans who are butthurting themselves.

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