TV Recap: WWE Elimination Chamber 2014

What a shame. WWE Legend Larry “The Axe” Hennig has a front row seat, and by front row I mean standing at the ring apron to watch his grandson, Curtis Axel along with Ryback, do the job to The Rhodes Brothers. Good match, but you would think if Larry Hennig comes to the ring with his grandson, WWE Creative would have given him the win. Guess there is no hope for his career. It gets more confusing when they introduce the “expert panel” of Mark Henry, Rey Mysterio, and The Miz, the latter recently got married to former WWE Diva Maryse. In any event, Rey, being an expert, picks Cesaro to win the Elimination Chamber while Mark Henry is jotting down notes. What is there to write? What is he writing?

Starting off the pay-per-view, big cheers for Zeb Colter and Jack Swagger. I’m telling you, the “We the People” gimmick still has a lot of steam. Amazingly, Michael Cole points out his opponent and reigning Intercontinental Champion Big E. Langston is a former NXT Champion, first time I can recall NXT being mentioned on live television. As I predicted, Swagger and Langston put on one hell of a clinic, and was a great choice as show opened to rile up the crowd which earned both “This is Awesome” and “Holy Shit” chants. For a few moments, I thought Swagger had the match, and the title after countering into the Patriot Lock, but Big E. fought back and planted Swaggs with the Big Ending for the pinfall victory.

Bad News Barrett interrupts the celebration to remind us Americans how Russia trounced us in Gold Medals in the Olympics this year.

In a great pay-view-value contest, The New Age Outlaws retained the Tag Team Titles against the Usos. Great match, possible one of the Usos got injured as the other brother seemed to take over the majority of the match. Lots of CM Punk chants during this one. Usos hit some big moves, but not enough as a distraction by Road Dogg, allowed Billy Gunn to roll up an Uso for the victory.

Bad News Barrett once again joins us to deliver some very bad news. Daniel Bryan will not win the WWE World Championship tonight and thus making the WWE Universe very unhappy. Perhaps the loss will kill the “Yes Movement.” Wow, Wade Barrett is trolling the fans. Love it.

As Darren Young comes to the ring, we get a recap of the split between him and his opponent tonight, Titus O’Neal. Crowd wastes no time with a “We Want Lesnar” chant. Sadly, the crowd does not get into the match as subsequent chants follow for CM Punk and Dolph Ziggler. Young has a good showing, but Titus hits him with the Clash of the Titus and earned the victory.

Bad News Barrett returns again, making fun of the Minnesota, and then compares himself to this era’s Hulk Hogan, or something to that effect.

Next up is the stable feud everyone has been waiting for, The Shield vs. The Wyatts. The crowd chanted “This is Awesome” before the match even started. When the two teams collided for an initial brawl, the arena exploded. The MVP of this match goes to Seth Rollins. Yep. Rollins put on one hell of a show, being both the targeted man to get most of the beatdowns, and also having some incredible offensive moves. Rollins flew and he was thrown. Other highlights include Luke Harper with a suicide dive, Rollins being german-suplex-thrown off the top and landing on his feet, Harper and Rowan planting Rollins through the announce table with a double-chokeslam. Ambrose ate Harper’s size 16, and was turned inside out. Roman Reigns and Erick Rowan collided like two mack trucks over and over. The end came after Bray and Ambrose fought into the crowd, but only Bray came back. Rollins out of action, leaving Reigns alone. Reigns fought valiantly, but Harper sacrificed himself, taking the Spear which allowed Bray Wyatt to knock down Reigns and hit Sister Abigail for the win. The match lasted for over 30 minutes, and was probably the greatest six-man tag match I have ever seen.

No Wade Barrett.

AJ Lee vs. Cameron ends in a DQ when Tamina beat up Cameron. Miscommunication between AJ and Tamina caused confusion and AJ getting clocked by Tamina. Meh.

Thankfully, Bad News Barrett returns to deliver more bad news. Apparently his elevating podium is still broken. The WWE Network hits tomorrow, which will mean kids everywhere will stop going to school and adults will lose their jobs and be lazier than they already are. Everyone will devolve and rats will move in due to garbage accumulation in everyone’s homes. Love it.

Segment with Santino, Emma, Khali, Los Matadores, and El Torito. I will not explain.

Batista comes out and the live crowd hits the bathroom. Not making this up. This match was more comedy than the Diva match. Crowd huge behind Alberto del Rio, chanting “Si! Si! Si!” and his name over and over. Then when Batista took control, the boo-ing was LOUD. Holy crap. Chants of “Boo-Tista” started. Speaking of loud, so were the chants of Y2J, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, RVD, and “Boring” which dominated the rest of the bout, and nearly won the match. It’s pathetic. No one likes Batista anymore, and maybe Triple H needs to take his head out of his ass to see it. The match was terrible. Del Rio owned it and every-so-often Batista would power back. Eventually Batista hit the spinebuster and powerbomb, match over. The crowd wanted Brock Lesnar to come out. Even Lillian Garcia nearly called him Boo-tista. Someone get the hook, please.

The Elimination Chamber:
Antonio Cesaro and Sheamus started the match. Bryan came in third, and at some point had Sheamus in a submission while pinning Cesaro. Christian came in fourth, and had a good showing. Cena in fifth, hit a bunch of his signatures, and Randy Orton came in last. Pulled the ol’ “hide back in the pod” routine, except Sheamus Brough kicked both the pod and Orton to end that. Crowd chanted “bullshit” when Orton ran to hide. Cesaro hit the swing on Orton. Sheamus, Bryan, and Cesaro were the MVPs of this one. First elimination came when Orton superplexed Sheamus off the top, allowing Christian to leap off the top of the Chamber with a frog-splash for the first Elimination. Christian then eliminated after Bryan scores with a rushing dropkick. Cesaro taps out to Cena’s STF. Before anything else, the Wyatts hit the ring and beat up John Cena, allowing Orton to easily pin and eliminate him. Crowd chant of “Thank You Wyatts.” Kane comes into the Chamber, but Bryan gets rid of him fast. Bryan seems to have the win in hand, after kicking out of the RKO. Kane returns, clocking Bryan and allowing Orton to hit the RKO and retain the WWE World Championship. The boos return to end the show.

Overall, not a bad PPV. The show-stealer was the Shield/Wyatts match and a close second was Swagger vs. Langston. Elimination Chamber match was very good, very well paced. Orton was the lame duck as usual. A VERY interesting statement by Michael Cole, he ranted about how the WWE Universe is constantly disappointed and robbed of seeing Daniel Bryan become WWE Champion. So, it seems WWE is well aware and using it to roll their angle onward. Keep being pissed off fans, it works for the gimmick.

Short Recap:
Rhodes Bros. defeated Rybaxel
Big E. Langston retained the Intercontinental Championship against Jack Swagger
The New Age Outlaws retained the Tag Team Championships against The Usos
Titus O’Neal defeated Darren Young
The Wyatts defeated The Shield
Cameron defeated AJ Lee by DQ
Chants of CM Punk, Y2J, RVD, Lesnar, Ziggler, Bryan, Bootista, and “boring” defeated the match between Batista and Alberto del Rio because no one gave a shit.
Randy Orton retained the WWE World Championship in the Elimination Chamber

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