The Opening Segment: We open RAW the same we have for like 15 years…with a McMahon talking in the ring. I think I’m going to have to just accept this is going to be the way “business” will be handled for the rest of my natural life. I have to give Stephanie McMahon some credit as she plowed through her promo despite the crowd going apeshit for Daniel Bryan and CM Punk. I also have to give some static to Brooklyn in this segment…those crazy CM Punk and Yes chants fizzled out as fast as they started. Hey if you wanna make a point, sustain the chants.
As for the rest of the promo…my Lord, Orton and Batista are about as charismatic as my big toe and frankly I believe I just insulted my big toe. The microphone situation was just dumb, especially when Stephanie McMahon basically calls out the problem and making it a bigger problem than it really is. And the whole “drooled on” joke, really wasn’t even remotely funny. Oh yeah, if you watch closely Batista ripped his skinny jeans doing that spear.
The Four Way: This is the battle of three guys who deserve a better spot in the company and Christian. Not a knock on Christian, but I think he’s actually in the correct spot in the company. Dolph Ziggler is so over, why isn’t he getting a bigger push? Why does Sheamus scream “FELLLAAAAAAAAAA” every time he comes out? It’s like me yelling “DUUUUUUUUDE” every time I walk in the door. Everyone had some good spots including Sheamus’ rolling fireman’s carry on the outside. In fact, Sheamus really dominated the match and brought his working shoes on. However, move of the match…Ziggler’s TOP ROPE FACE BUSTER. Holy smokes man! ADR gets in the least amount of offense, they are jobbing this dude out hard. The ending sequence with the dead lift power bomb/Zig Zag/Killswitch sequence was great. Find this match on the Network or Youtube, for sure.
Wyatt Promo: Always the best thing on the show.
Sin Cara y Scooby Doo: Uhhhh…well good for Sin Cara, he remains relevant. As for Damien Sandow…not so much. No entrance, nothing. Meanwhile, the announcers couldn’t give two shits about the match. The crowd could also give no shits either.
I Believe in The Shield: They helped cut a terrible Rybaxel vs. Los Matadores match short. I love how intense and just bad ass The Shield has become. Sure, they’ve always been tough, but now they seem to be more on the hunt, more invigorated, more bloodthirsty. It’s like a reincarnated Road Warriors, in terms of the intensity. I’m glad the group isn’t breaking up just yet as it seems like it has more mileage in it.
Triple H’s Promo: It’s exactly what you’d thought it be. He can talk for sure, but yeah I just don’t care what he has to say. I want to see he and Daniel Bryan duke it out, that’s it. If you DVR’ed the show…just fast forward.
Cody Rhodes vs. Fandango: This match should’ve had more heat to it because both men are actually good in the ring. Yet, the highlight of the match was Goldust mocking Summe Rae with his own dance moves. Man, Goldust has come so far from a year ago when I met him at Wrestlecon sitting in a stiflingly hot room with the likes of The Boogeyman. Now, he’s the man.
The Hulkster, Arnold, The Naked Werewolf and The Miz: I don’t care who you are, but if you’re in the audience and Hogan comes out to “Real American” you’re going to mark the hell out. Come on guys, it’s Hulk Hogan…and he’s not wrestling! See, if he were stepping in the ring to wrestle I’d be gagging back my own puke right now. But no, he’s a mouth piece and I enjoy Hogan the “legend” more than I have Hogan “the wrestler” of the past 15 years. As for Arnold and Joe Manganiello, it was what’d you expect…lame sauce. But in all seriousness, Joe Manganiello is massive. The dude looks like he could be a wrestler. Also, it’s gotta be cool to see Arnold Schwarzenegger in person.
Then look, it’s The Miz. Aww, he’s doing something, how cute. Of course Miz gets made to look like a fool and the celebs and Hulk look superior. Whatever, if this begins Miz’s heel turn, good. He was one of the worst baby faces ever.
Titus O’Neal: Welcome to Jobberville, population you. Sad times, this guy could be money, but they are just wasting him.
John Cena CAN Wrestle, And Luke Harper IS a Star: John Cena, when in the ring with a competent opponent can put on a good match. Tonight, despite Brooklyn crapping all over him, he delivered. He stood toe-to-toe with a better wrestler and he helped deliver a fantastic match. Luke Harper got made tonight and if used right, he’s got an awesome future. The former Brodie Lee is a monster in the ring, but he’s also got grace and agility. He reminds me of Scott Hall in terms of his move set and Bam Bam Bigelow in terms of his agility and the fact he is more athletic than his appearance suggested. This was a terrific match, again, check this one out on the Network or Youtube!!
File It Under Saw It Coming A Mile Away: Vickie Guerrero books every single Diva under main roster contract into the “Vickie Guerrero Invitational” for the Divas Title. AJ Lee’s title run will end at Wrestlemania. The burial of AJ Lee will begin the night after Wrestlemania. She will do the job to every Diva including the God awful Eva Marie. The only thing we can hope for out of this complete cluster of a match is that one of the lesser Divas is taken out and replaced by NXT’s Paige. It won’t happen, don’t worry. This match is going to be a bathroom break for 75% with probably a few highlight reel moves from some of the better Divas in the match.
Razor Ramon in The Hall of Fame: When you think of Scott Hall you probably think of his addictions and his shortcomings, but man, was he awesome in the ring during the 90s as Razor Ramon. He was high impact perfection and despite having a ridiculous character with a ludicrous accent, he made the character work. What’s interesting is this — notice how his run in WCW under his real name was left out? Well, think about it, can you remember anything, outside of his invasion angle with Kevin Nash that was worth a damn in WCW? The Goldberg/Taser angle? He was basically known for his pre-match catchphrases and audience participation segments. None of which are Hall of Fame worthy. Also, no reference at all to his AWA run as Scott “Gator” Hall. And you know they weren’t going to reference The Diamond Studd. While Razor was his best incarnation, it’s weird they didn’t reference his non-WWF career. Regardless, Scott Hall has turned his life around and is now living clean. He is worthy of a Hall of Fame and for him to be at 100% health (or close to it) is awesome. His acceptance speech will steal the show from an emotional standpoint.
The Shield vs. The Real Americans: I love when teams who have an issue don’t wait for the bell and just go at it. It’s logic. I love that the Brooklyn crowd loves the crap out Cesaro. Sorry, Swagger they are not cheering from you…although he has come a long, long way since losing his title last year. Cesaro is just a machine and the fact he’s got the BIG SWING over as big as he has is absolutely mind-blowing. Seth Rollins has also really evolved in the past few weeks as he’s really become this Sabu meets RVD wild man. The Real Americans as a team have some great team moves like the toss into the guard rail and the Swagger Bomb/Double Stomp combo. Dean Ambrose did his best Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon impression laughing off the slaps of Cesaro. His rebound from the big boot into the biggest lariat ever was AMAZING. Rollins’ monkey flip which sent Cesaro over the top was beast. Then his coast to coast dives, just thrilling. And the his leaping curb stomp, The Piece of Mind (terrible name) was BEEEEEAST.
This match was a must-see, go find this one!
The Shield vs. The Suits: The veterans aren’t exactly in their prime, but for ‘Mania they can definitely will bring their A-game.
Brock Lesar/Paul Heyman Promo: Love Brock’s shirt, a nice little detail. Paul Heyman just delivers such an amazing promo and he does it old school — he puts over his opponent’s achievements in order to put over his guy’s victory. Then, Brock’s “I’m not here to promote, I’m here to fight…let’s do this” was awesome, it put the onus on how much Brock wants to not only beat the streak but to break Taker. Then, that classic, epic entrance with the druids and the casket…”Vintage Undertaker.” The mind game segment might have seemed weak to some, but it was classic Undertaker.
Yet, the brawl was very lukewarm. So far, Brock Lesnar hasn’t been given much to do in order to establish himself in this feud as a killer. He’s gotten had by Taker so many times that it’s almost unbelievable that he’ll win at this point. Brock only has his legit reputation as a bad ass to fall back on, but keep making him look dumb and this match will lose its juice. But at this point, the WWE probably doesn’t want to send fans home pissed by seeing Taker get beat up.
And that’s it? That’s how the show ends? Wow, that is really, really, REALLY weak guys.
Yet, let’s not shat on this show because from a wrestling standpoint, it was great! John Cena vs. Luke Harper, The Real Americans vs. The Shield and Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Alberto Del Rio were all must-see matches.
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