TV Recap: The (Monday Night) RAW After Wrestlemania

“Undertaker threw the match.”

“Brock changed the outcome without telling anyone.”

“WWE sent a message to CM Punk that this could have been him.”

“WWE is punishing the fans for wanting Daniel Bryan as champion.”

“Fans left the arena in _______ (disgust, shock, disappointment, anger) after watching the Undertaker’s streak die.”

ARE YOU PEOPLE F***ING INSANE?!?!?!

This is why I turned down writing for dirtsheets after I finished working at WWE. This is why I hate the goddamn IWC. Sure, you people get funny once in a while with a meme joke or whathaveyou, but for the love of everything good and holy, stop with the insanity.

Undertaker LOST.

CM Punk is GONE.

Get over it! No excuse imaginable will explain what went down. Tell yourself whatever you need to in order to get a good night of sleep.

Like the millions of wrestling fans, I was astonished to bear witness to The Undertaker losing to Brock Lesnar, being pinned in the middle of the ring, and watched as the legendary Streak, rest in peace. The Streak… Is over. As WWE.com said, it is dead. D-E-A-D. Dead. You know what the memorable moment was last night? The stunned silence. For a good three minutes, there was no theme playing. Just pure silence. Fans stunned. Shocked. Eyes wide, jaws dropped. There are those who say WWE did this just to take away from Daniel Bryan winning the title. Give me a damn break. Everyone pushed so hard for Bryan to become champion, and it is not WWE who are detracting from it, but it comes from the fans who are so desperate to stir more hate, more controversy, because it seems rumors trump reality. Fans got what they wanted, and now the fans drop a deuce because, they got what they wanted. No one wins when you pull this two-faced crap.

Fans left the arena? Glad you paid hundreds of dollars to walk out. Next time, just give me your money and then I can afford the Transformers Takara Grand Maximus I have always wanted. This is not a joke. Give ME YOUR MONEY instead of PAYING to WALK OUT.

Undertaker lost because it was his time to. Sure, it sucks. It turns the immortal, into a man. Undertaker is fallible. It sucks. I hate it. I admit, I too was very distraught having watched the legacy of a wrestler with whom I grew up watching suddenly have the mysticism, the aura, what made him the novelty, the Phenom of this era, become one of us. He has been brought down from the heavens and is one of us mere mortals.

I hate it. I’ll say it again. I’m with you. I really am. I am upset the Streak was ended. I am upset it was someone like Brock Lesnar and not by someone like CM Punk. However, I understand that CM Punk may never have been the choice to defeat the streak. It could have been John Cena. It could have been Bray Wyatt. It could have been Zack Ryder for all I care. The point is, WrestleMania 30 is done and over-with.

It is over… Finished! (Bonus points to anyone who knows where this quote is from)

Time to move onto Monday Night Raw. We kick off with Daniel Bryan celebrating his win, and the New Orleans crowd goes YES-crazy. Those chants morph into “You Deserve It” chants, which it pretty classy. Bryan thanks everyone for helping him reach this milestone. Of course, Triple H and Stephanie come to the ring, but do not step in. Bryan taunts them some more, but The Game informs the new champ, the title is on the line tonight in the main event, and the challenger is, The Game himself! Uh oh. Triple H gets the “asshole” chant.

Backstage: Randy Orton and Batista whine about how Triple H is putting himself in the main event. As a consolation prize, last night losers get to team and take on the Usos for the WWE Tag Team Championships. Huh.

Bray Wyatt may have come up short last night, but tonight, the whole Wyatt Family emerged victorious in a six-man tag match against John Cena, Sheamus, and Big E. Langston. Crowd is huge behind The Wyatts. Gotta say, New Orleans crowd really trying to be like good ol’ New Jersey.

Santino & Emma defeated Fandango & Summer Rae. Emma and Rae wrestled while Santino and Fandango danced. Yawn.

Paul Heyman brings out the most hated man, Brock Lesnar. Heyman gloats as only he can. Great line about not coming here to make people smile, but to beat people up and make children cry. Heyman cuts such great promos, even the crowd had to cheer the words of genius. He makes fun of JBL and “those two other things called announcers” as well as making fun of Hulk Hogan botching the name of the arena, and even broke the fourth wall and revealed how not only the Undertaker had to be rushed to the hospital, but even Vince McMahon left WrestleMania to go with him. He bashes Triple H, Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, and others for failing to be the “one” to beat Undertaker, and Brock Lesnar is the “one” in 21-and-1. Heyman rips into the crowd. Heyman is God.

The best thing about this promo, Brock Lesnar said nothing. NOT A WORD. As it should be.

Promo for NXT’s Adam Rose. Reject Rock Star gimmick? Hoo boy. This is what happened to Leo Kruger? Coupled with the promo earlier for Bo Dallas, I am not sure if should be excited or worried.

Guess the live crowd did not care for the Tag Team Title match. Chants for CM Punk, Y2J, Brooklyn Brawler, JBL, Jerry Lawler, and “you tapped out” echoed until the match was thrown out by way of double count out, as Batista and Orton just lay waste to the Usos.

Announcer Justin Roberts asks us to welcome back… Rob Van Dam! Hooray! He faces off with, Damien “Sulking” Sandow. He is a jobber too now? Crowd chants of “You Still Got It” roars as RVD owns the match and makes short work of Sandow. Sigh.

Wade Barrett is here! He beats Rey Mysterio! Crowd loves him and so do I. This made up for Sandow jobbing earlier. Alexander Rusev makes his debut tonight as well, mauling Zack Ryder. If that didn’t impress, The Ultimate Warrior came out and delivered a promo which made zero sense whatsoever.

Here is where business picked up. AJ Lee comes out and talks about being the longest reigning Divas champion. 295 days to be exact, and how she is the “best Diva in the world” and the “savior” of the Divas division. Sound familiar anyone? Suddenly Paige from NXT comes out and the crowd goes ape-nuts. Paige, shyly congratulates AJ on her win, but instead AJ wants a match, and offers up her title. We all knew where this was going. Paige counters the Black Widow into the Page-Turner and scored the three count, and the Divas Championship. Bye AJ, guess we know why you were channeling your boyfriend there…

Hulk Hogan brings out Antonio Cesaro and offers his words of support and congrats for winning the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal. Zeb Colter takes the mic before Cesaro can speak. The crowd is going nuts. Colter says Cesaro is a loyal “Zeb Colter guy” and will always be a Real American. At this point Cesaro grabs the mic and informs his manager, he is NOT a “Zeb Colter guy…”

…He is a “PAUL HEYMAN GUY” and the crowd loses their minds. Heyman comes out and this segment is golden. Suddenly, Jack Swagger storms the ring and DESTROYS the trophy. Holy crap. Swagger goes uber-heel… does this mean Heyman is a face now? Good lord this is fantastic. We get an impromptu match between Cesaro and Swagger which was outright awesome. Swagger hit some gorgeous belly-to-back suplexes while Cesaro pulled off incredible feats in the ring. Before Cesaro could go for the Big Swing, Swagger bailed out and ate the countout. Heyman has his “King of Swing” celebrating in the ring with the top half of what remains of the Andre trophy.

Daniel Bryan comes out to defend his newly won championship, except Randy Orton and Batista come out to beat him up. Great. It is 11pm already, sort of knew this was not going to get far. Kane then joins in with a chokeslam. Finally Triple H hits the ring, and Stephanie threatens the referee with a pink slip if he does not ring the bell to start the match. Bell rings and for some odd reason a 3MB chant breaks out. Thankfully, we do not get 3MB, but the Shield come in and face off with Kane, Orton, and Batista. This makes Triple H livid. Oh to hell with it. You know what happens next. Roman Reigns spears Triple H and an all out brawl breaks loose. Shield stands tall and Bryan gets the final strike with the running knee on HHH. YES chants echo to end the show, and the Shield stands tall in the ring with Daniel Bryan.

So, AJ Lee loses the championship in not-so-graceful fashion. Wish Paige was more of a bad-girl rather than being all cutesy. Rusev is a monster, but he beat Zack Ryder. Does that mean I could be a monster too? Bo Dallas is going to suck, while I reserve judgment for Adam Rose.

Cesaro becoming a Paul Heyman guy is a stroke of genius. There is simply no other way to go into it.

The next few weeks building towards Extreme Rules will be very interesting. Oh yeah, Extreme Rules? In New Jersey.

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