It’s Money in the Bank!
You know what it means, right? Things either change or stay the same. Tonight we saw a bit of both, and a bit of foreshadowing for the future.
To start off, we got a return promo from Daniel Bryan, who delivered his own bad news as his return estimate is still in question. He stated a possible second neck surgery which means no one knows when he will be back. He answered some questions via social media which was interrupted by none other than Bo Dallas. Very funny segment which ended when Bryan said “Bo… Leave.”
The real bad news was for Bad News Barrett as it was officially announced due to his injury on SmackDown, he was removed from the Money in the Bank match.
The show kicks off with the Tag Team Title match between The Usos and The Wyatts. In a match which delivered spectacularly, the champions retained. As hyped in the prior few weeks of singles matches, both teams shocked and soared, and yes, plenty of flying from the Wyatts. Even though the Usos retained following consecutive top rope Superfly Splashes, the Luke Harper and Erick Rowan looked very strong and by no means do I think the Wyatt Family stable is in danger of losing steam.
In a shocker, Paige defeated Naomi clean to retain the Divas title. The shocker is not the match result, but the fact the match was watchable and at points very good. Naomi reminded the fans she can wrestle, and Paige was also allowed to show off her stuff and not just take a beating for five minutes. Once again, they poorly teased dissention with the Funkadactyls, merely showing Cameron to appear bored during the contest and was “caught” cheering when Paige won. Yeah. Lame.
In a surprise filler, historical Boston figure Paul Revere was defeated by the party train conductor, Adam Rose. I have to give Damien Sandow a lot of credit, he pulled off the gimmick very well, and his “The Elbows are Coming!” warning was hysterical as he struck with his Elbowof Disdain. Unfortunately, there were only reinforcements for Rose, as his Rosebuds cheered him on the way to victory. I hope Sandow is going somewhere soon, but in the meantime I’ll enjoy the comedy show.
No point is wasting space here, Seth Rollins is your 2014 Mr. Money in the Bank. A great match, and I kid you not, there was a moment where you thought Kofi Kingston was going to win. The pause was long enough, and it seemed no one was in sight. However at the last moment the high-flyer was pulled away from victory. The high-risk spots were primarily between Rollins and Dean Ambrose, but Rob Van Dam and Dolph Ziggler had a few of their own. Ambrose did get pulled from the match for sometime as it seemed he was injured, and Rollins took an awkward bump on a ladder and then bounced on his head. The off-the-ladder SuperDuperUberPlex by Ambrose to Rollins was a “Holy $%&#” moment. Everyone had their turn to go for the briefcase, even Jack Swagger who pulled off the role of powerhouse very well. It was Kane who wound up being the deciding factor. Ambrose had returned to the match, but as he had the contract in his grasp, the Big Red Corporate Monster took him down hard, allowing Rollins to achieve victory.
In a short but good match, The ‘Dusts defeated Rybaxel. Curtis Axel sporting a weird new wrestling uniform. Ryback seemed with it this time, rather than sleepwalking through the match. I noticed more from Axel, as if he is trying to remind us he doesn’t suck. Cody Rhodes has become awesome again, and even if this gimmick does not last, at least we get to see some versatility with his ability to adapt to a new gimmick. He rocks the gold and black paint, and I am actually glad the brother feud has not happened. I imagine it inevitably will, this is WWE after all.
Alexander Rusev defeated Big E. Langston in “I can wave my flag harder than you” match. No, not really. Surprisingly, I think I saw more suplexes in this one than in any other match. Very impressive showing, and was not the slow-as-sludge match we got from Goldberg and Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania 20, or Mark Henry and Ryback from WrestleMania 30. Rusev won decisively, and I do think Big E. might have slipped a notch as tapping out to the Accolade does show a sign of weakness in the character. The other question is, where will Rusev go from here?
Layla defeated Summer Rae, and not a single person gave a damn. Except the concession stand workers, they cared very much as people did a lot of purchasing during this one.
By the time I write this, you probably already know who our new WWE World Heavyweight Champion is. Why? Because Amazon accurately spoiled it a week ago. John Cena is your WWE World Champion for the 15th time. Did I hesitate? No. 15. One-Five. One away from tying Ric Flair for the record. I feel as though John Cena is the Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime of WWE. No matter how much we don’t want him to, somehow Hot Rod always gets his grubby forced-down-our-throats-trendy hands on the Matrix to become Rodimus Prime. This is John Cena. The ladder match was good, and we all got excited when Randy Orton accidentally got clobbered in the head by a ladder and blood splattered everywhere. Jim Ross must have been sitting at home in his boxers and cowboy hat, feet up, shouting “Crimson Mask!” at his television screen. There were points you thought Bray Wyatt and Roman Reigns were about to claim the gold, but of course, only teases. It was obvious early on, Kane was there to ensure Randy Orton would win. Did I forget to mention Triple H and Stephanie McMahon were at ringside? Oh yes they were. They were cheering Orton. They were indeed. In a bizarre moment, as Kane was assisting Orton, good ol’ super-Cena rushed the ring, hit Attitude Adjustments on both of them, rushed up the ladder and grabbed both titles. How could that happen? Although Cena took three major bumps, he spent most of the match on the outside, therby not even breaking a sweat. You know while Cesaro and Alberto del Rio were busting their asses to make the match worth watching, and Bray Wyatt being doubly-creepy by spider-walking around the ring at points, Cena was chatting away with his father in the front row. It is not just Cena winning #15 which bothers me, but it is how he no-sells a match which is supposed to be exhausting and downright fatigue-inducing. His last-man standing match with Bray, ended the same way. He suddenly has all the energy in the world, as if he had not even set foot in the ring.
With all this insanity in mind, we look forward to tomorrow night. Depending on the injury to Wade Barrett, he may have to vacate his Intercontinental Championship too. The Authority appeared none too happy about Cena winning the title. A lot of wrestlers are in limbo right now, and even though a major PPV such as SummerSlam is around the corner, we are going to have a lot of talent being wasted, instead of wrestling in the ring, they’ll be sitting poolside doing nothing.
Don’t forget. Brock Lesnar. Soon.