Lots of uproar last night, with WWE stupidly scheduling Hell in the Cell to air up against Total Divas. I mean, can you imagine how many people took an hour break from Hell in the Cell to watch more scripted drama between Summer Rae and Rose Mendes?
RAW kicks off with Stephanie McMahon, doing a poor job of hawking the WWE Network. Thankfully Triple H takes over to talk about his disappointment in Randy Orton, but yet is greatly pleased with the future of WWE, Mr. Money in the Bank, Seth Rollins. I think it is funny how Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury waddle around behind Rollins like a pair of doofs. Go Cruiserweights! I am amazed at how the live crowds still chant “You Sold Out” even though he has been with the Authority for months. I mean, this rivals when Tatanka betrayed Lex Luger and joined the Million Dollar Corporation.
Seth Rollins gloats over his not-so-clean victory over Dean Ambrose, but takes all credit for himself, while also taking a shot at Orton’s loss. This brings out Randy Orton who goes on a fuming tear, going insane, and I have to say it was slightly impressive. Orton took offense to references to his loss last night, and even considered going back into anger management last night. Triple H tries to calm Orton down, which only results in a “OUTTA NOWHERE” RKO delivered to Seth Rollins. The segment oddly concludes with a “YES” chant from the live crowd.
Well, that went south fast.
In an abrupt switch, we find Gold and Star Dust already in the ring, announced as defending the WWE Tag Team Championships against Big Show and Mark Henry. Seems as though the show is being rushed along as while Show was being announced the theme changed over to Henry’s. Odd. However an awkward interaction prior to RAW between the two big men implied some conflict. We get a loud “Sexual Chocolate” chant which is acknowledged by Henry as he pounds Cody Rhodes. After some miscommunication between tags, it’s pretty obvious Henry is going to make the turn. After Show delivers the KO Punch to Stardust, Henry surprises no one with a “Outta Nowhere” (thanks Michael Cole) World’s Strongest Heel Turn on Big Show. The Dusts retain.
Orton turns face, Henry goes heel. There must be balance in the Force.
So far, this show has been pretty predictable.
In order to keep Roman Reigns relevant, they bring him out, “Live Via Satellite” to drone on. I suppose they feel having Daniel Bryan on Total Divas keeps his presence fresh in everyone’s minds. Right? The announce teams asks Reigns his thoughts on Hell in the Cell. Guess no one cares when he plans on coming back, huh?
AJ Lee defeats Alicia Fox while Paige makes JBL giggle on commentary. Post match, Paige beats up Fox until Jerry Lawler comes to her aid. None of that made sense.
Out next is John Cena to make fun of Brock Lesnar for sitting at home doing nothing, but when he decides to come back and defend the WWE Championship, he will lose! Oh snap! Then Cena begins to tirade about how Seth Rollins says he is the future, but tonight, Cena will plow through the future… Is there a Back to the Future reboot in the works? Stephanie interrupts and offers Cena a spot within the Authority. Cena declines, and instead Triple H enters to inform Cena he will captain a team and face off against Team Authority at Survivor Series.
Well, this means Randy Orton will at some point “reluctantly join” Team Cena, and this also means we will not see Cena/Brock IV until the Royal Rumble. No objections.
Backstage: Cena is chatting with Dolph Ziggler. Oh my, what could it mean?
Damien Sandow is just splendid. Still copying everything Miz does, even taking an unnecessary bump off the apron. Usos pick up the win by switching while everyone was distracted, rolling up Miz for the pinfall. The focus was on Sandow and his antics.
Backstage: Kane confronts Ziggler about this alleged conversation. Kane says it must be Ziggler conspiring against the Authority, and therefore must face Kane tonight. Uh wha?
Hulk Hogan is here! Hooray Hulkster! He puts over John Cena, puts down both Randy Orton and Brock Lesnar. Guess he didn’t get the memo. However he does put over the Susan G. Komen Foundation and thanks the fans for their support. He cuts a very classy promo to drum up support for Breast Cancer Awareness and points out the guests in the crowd. He invites them all into the ring to celebrate with the Hulkster. See, once in a while WWE does get it right.
Bo Dallas comes to the ring to offer an open challenge to anyone. This always ends well. This one ends in RYBACK RETURNS. Crowd pops huge, and he is back in full Baby Face Mode. Tossing Dallas around the ring, he decks him with a Meathook, then crushes him with the Shell Shock. JBL says he might not Bo-Lieve anymore.
Did we all forget about a year ago we couldn’t stand the sight of Ryback in a ring. Now the crowd chants huge for “Feed Me More.”
It’s the WWE Universe, where no one can remember more than five minutes into their own past!
If I said we had a match between Dean Ambrose and Cesaro, one might think we are in for a treat, but not tonight. Instead, Ambrose flips, beating Cesaro senseless with the microphone, and then Bray Wyatt cuts an ominous promo threatening to destroy what is left of the mind of Ambrose. This could be the most cerebral feud yet.
Nikki Bella defeats Naomi. Brie Bella at ringside sulking. “Poor Brie” says Cole.
Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler – The match was so slow, JBL spent most of it convincing us all Ziggler is the Bunny in Adam Rose’s Rosebud group. Kane wrestling in suit pants just doesn’t seem to work. Is it just me, or has he been wrestling more often? What happened to being “Director of Authority” or some other made-up title? Lots of silence from the announce team, which means even they have lost interest. At some point Ziggles does his best Goku impression by powering up, and after an exchange of reversals, rolls up Kane with a Sunset Flip for the pinfall victory. Post match, Seth Rollins sideswipes Ziggler, sending “the message” to the locker room not to join John Cena’s team. This does not work, as Cena then rushes out, saving Ziggler and coming out for his main event match all in one shot.
In the main event we find Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury getting physical as they take turns teeing off on John Cena every time Seth Rollins distracts the ref. Rollins selling his injuries very well, while it is remarkable how Cena never breaks a damn sweat. I have a hard time explaining, but I am falling asleep at the wheel here. I would have thought this would be a good enough match to keep my interest, but every time Cena gains the advantage, I lose focus. Thankfully, Rollins hits some good second-rope moves. Either WWE wants Rollins to slow down to sell the injuries from Hell in the Cell, or perhaps Cena and Rollins just have not quite found the right formula to work together in the ring. Which is fine, I would hope the practice leads to an eventual epic encounter between the two. We have seen Cena against Ambrose, Cesaro, Punk, Bryan, so I think there could be potential for Cena/Rollins. Overall, a decent match with some good spots, mostly by Rollins, such as connecting with a jumping enziguri, and launching Cena for a huge Turnbuckle Powerbomb. The match ends with Kane hitting Cena, causing the DQ. Dolph Ziggler comes out to save Cena now, but suddenly the entire locker room empties out and on cue, starts a huge brawl with each other.
To wrap up, no Brock Lesnar, Survivor Series starts to build, and it’s clearly obvious JBL was drunk by 9:30. He kept repeating himself and at times when the camera was focused on the announce team during a match, you could see Lawler and Cole trying to hold back the laughter.
It’s not Royal Rumble time yet… This impromptu brawl made ZERO sense at all. They sent out 30 wrestlers to brawl WITH EACH OTHER and had NO bearing on the main event at all.
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