Written by Tommy Tracy
Every time a person walks into a movie theater, it should be a magical experience, an escape from reality, a trip into fantasy. We get those feelings quite often, usually a good experience that feels us with joy. Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Dark Knight have all changed our lives, bringing the absolute best of cinema with them. And then there’s Gods of Egypt, a film so deprived of any emotion, it’s disheartening, a sad day for cinema indeed.
A plot summary for this is going to be a chore, so bare with me. A brave and friendly king raises his son to take over the kingdom once he’s gone. The jealous brother believes it his throne to claim and successfully thwarts the plan. A time later, the true king returns to avenge the fallen and reclaim the kingdom. No, this wasn’t The Lion King, and it’s painful to compare the two. However, that’s not the only story to be told here. A young beggar, a street rat if you will, tricks his way into our hearts by spouting words of love and seemingly winning his way into a kingdom. Again, if you’re thinking Aladdin, you’re thinking of a far better picture. The traces of The Mummy (1999), Prince of Persia and Assassin’s Creed are all at play here and it’s truly…poor.
The royalty are Gods, ruling over the kingdom and the mortals quickly find themselves to be slaves, building the pyramids for new King Set (Gerard Butler). Beggar Bek sets out on a journey to find exiled Prince Horus and save the kingdom. We sadly get a (more) boring version of The Fellowship of the Rings meets The Wizard of Oz as we walk, walk, pick up a few misfits and walk some more. It’s nonsensical. It’s pointless and it hurts.
The CGI is beautiful from afar but up close it’s atrocious and comical. There’s a scene where Bek is fleeing on horseback and he’s in front of some very obvious green screen. There’s no joke here; this green screen is as bad of the films of the 1940’s. The effects, if you can call them that, are inexcusable in 2016. Jurassic Park is over 20 years old and still holds up, so what is this films excuse?
The dialogue is laughable and the one-liners would make Adam West’s Batman blush. I’ll give a little bit of credit to Chadwick Boseman’s God of Wisdom, as he was so bad he’s funny. Not Tommy Wiseau bad, but still bad. The rest of the acting is, well, there. It’s not horrible but it’s not great either, except for Butler. Even when this man is in awful films, he’s usually pretty good.
Look, no one expected anything special from Gods of Egypt. The best things about this film are its hilariously bad CGI, the poor acting by Boseman and the fact that it will be forgotten in two months time. It’s so bad, I had to fill my review with 13 (yes, I counted) different pop culture references. That’s not good and neither is this film.
Final Grade: D- (Butler saved it from an F)
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