Andre the Giant Battle Royal
Michael Dworkis: Despite the obvious push for the Big Show and Kane, I am simply going with Mark Henry. Big Show won last year, nothing left to prove. Kane, might be one of the last in the match, but Mark Henry deserves something. He’s been nothing but fodder lately and he deserves some sort of sow of respect before he retires.
Jon Lister: It’s part of the show. It’s the pre-show. It’s part of the show again. MAKE UP YOUR MINDS ALREADY! USA Network has now officially did false advertisements about their programming this coming Sunday. Shame on you WWE. Just because year in, year out you falsely advertise this being your best PPV, doesn’t mean you should encourage others down your path. Anyway, 30 man battle royal, 16 participants have been announced at the time of me writing this post. I don’t see any of the 16 announced so far winning. In a perfect world, Kurt Angle makes his triumphant return for this but I’m not holding my breath and neither should you (unless you’re Ted Cruz).
Bill Bodkin: So John Cena’s cleared to wrestle. That’s my pick. If he doesn’t show — DEMONKANE wins.
United States Championship
Michael Dworkis: Had to think about this for a while. Kalisto is great, he resonates with the fans, exciting to watch. Here is the catch, Ryback just went through a gimmick/persona change, which usually means said wrestler gets a title to enhance the push. If Ryback fails to win, he can turn full rage-mode heel to get himself over. Problem, we have seen this already. On the other side, this is rumored, despite Ryback breaking the news the U.S. Championship would be the opener of WrestleMania, because WWE can just go and change the order, I would think if it does open having Kalisto winning keeps the crowd pumped for the next match. If Ryback wins, the crowd begins to die. Would WWE want this so early? Despite all of this, I have to go with Ryback, because it doesn’t make rational sense, it makes WWE sense.
Jon Lister: If WWE was truly daring, Kalisto would get a few shots in and quickly roll up “The Big Waste” for the victory. Then again, if WWE had any sense, they would pit someone who could have a decent match against Kalisto at WM. But no, they are not going to give up on Ryback and will give him the US Title.
Bill Bodkin: Kalisto has a lot of heart, but like his boy Sin Cara he’s a bit sloppy. He tries way too hard to make his moves awesome instead of keeping it simple and clean. The WWE has a raging hard-on for “The Big Guy” so he’ll pick up the win here.
The New Day vs. The League of Nations
Michael Dworkis: Whether the Tag Team championships are on the line or not, I can go right off the bat and say The New Day will be granted victory. Losing to a lopsided stable of mismatched wrestlers makes zero sense. The way I look at WrestleMania this year, is WWE has to do everything they can to keep the crowd happy, because there is no way around it, no one cares about the WWE Championship. The crowd will dance, they will eat their Booty-Os and New Day will win.
Jon Lister: How do you take the fun out of the most thing going in the WWE today? You pit them up against a bunch mid-card jobbers. JBL has on more than one occassion compared these wastes to The Four Horsemen. It may go down as the dumbest thing he has ever done which is no small feat. I think what makes me despise The League of Nations the most is the fact that Alberto del Rio is being utterly wasted by having him in the same zip code as the others. Drumpf must be rubbing off McMahon because this is a terrible punishment to a person just because he’s Mexican. You have Sheamus, who is just tired but will be forever around because he’s HHH’s boy. Rusev, a guy who’s most interesting and impressive quality is his fiancee and he got into trouble because of the engagement. Then there’s Barrett, who will probably get hurt by the time I finish typing this sentence. New Day will do something hysterical and will quickly follow it up with a victory.
Bill Bodkin: The New Day should win, and probably will win. However, the WWE LOVES to make us sad, and Sheamus is usually the harbinger of our sorrow, so don’t rule out an LON win. The real question here is, how epic will The New Day’s entrance be?
AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho
Michael Dworkis: This will be a great, great match. I know we saw them three times already, but to borrow the cliché, fourth time will be the charm. Styles is destined for big things in WWE, but it will not be for a while. Jericho on the other hand, is destined for things outside of WWE, and his WrestleMania track record has not been spectacular. I still have visions of him losing to Fandango. Jericho is here to put over the new faces, and that is exactly what will happen. Styles will defeat Jericho in an epic match.
Jon Lister: Remember what I wrote before about the same match for the past couple of months being part of a WM card? While this still applies, it will nonetheless be a very good match. This will end AJ’s first feud in the WWE and I sincerely hope they know what to do with him afterwards because it’d be a shame if he finally got his shot in the big leagues and creative morons end up wasting it. Look for AJ to get another victory as I am greatly pained typing this sentence.
Bill Bodkin: AJ Styles will win this extremely fun match because he needs a big win to propel him to his next feud, which should be for a title — either U.S. or I.C. (let’s hope for IC). Jericho is bulletproof, so it doesn’t matter if he loses.
The Dudley Boys vs. The Usos
Michael Dworkis: I don’t have much care for this one. I feel like I should care, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I pick The Dudley Boys after some sort of trickery. Probably involving tables. You know, after they said they would never use them again.
Jon Lister: I’m starting to wonder what happened to the depth of the roster when a match happens on WM that has been done for the past two months. The Dudleys have been back for several months and for the life of me, I still can’t tell if they can wrestle anymore. A few years ago, this would have been a fun match. Now, ehhhhhh, at best. Seeing The Dudleys taking it.
Bill Bodkin: The Usos win, because Usos always win, Uce. Seriously, they always win and they’re just terrible.
Divas Tag Match: Team Total Divas vs. Team BAD & Blonde
Michael Dworkis: Another match I have zero cares for. With the introduction of Eva Marie to the main roster, I cringe at the thought of her somehow being granted the winning fall. I figure Team Total Divas will win, since this is likely to be Brie Bella’s last match, and they have to make Total Divas look strong.
Jon Lister: You know your match is in trouble when the surprise entrant is someone who has pissed off almost everyone she has met in the indurstry either to her behavior and/or lack of ability. Thankfully this has been bumped down to the pre-show because this would have caused me to become a chain smoker if it was during the real event. With the jokes aside, this match would in reality come down to Natalya and Paige vs. Naomi and Emma. However, since wrestling skills are not a factor when it comes to the members of that E! Television show, I see my girlfriends Eva Marie and Alicia Fox’s team winning this match.
Bill Bodkin: This goes one of two ways. If Nikki Bella comes to the ring with Team Total Divas — they win. She’ll trip someone, and cause the win. If she doesn’t — Team BAD & Blonde — because Eva Marie will cost her team the match in some way. Btw – this match is going to be a complete and utter dumpster fire.
Intercontinental Title Ladder Match
Jon Lister: Well, here’s a complete and utter cluster****. You have Zayn, Ziggler, and Stardust entertaining us while we hope Owens and miz do not get in the way. In the meantime, we’ll be gasping anytime Sin Cara does anything, desperately hoping he doesn’t paralyze anyone. While all this is happening, you will be asking yourself, “Zach Ryder is still working?” This match is quite the combo of “Holy Sh**,” “Oh F***!”, and “Goddammit!” rolled up into one. The end result, Owens retaining so a 1 on 1 feud can begin with him and Zayn for the IC title.
Michael Dworkis: This is a tough one. I first thought Kevin Owens retaining is likely, but I feel like this type of match is good for him to lose the title, and regain later on. Owens could pull the “I didn’t really lose” bit and he would do it well. My crazy theory of both Kalisto and Sin Cara walking out of WrestleMania as singles champions will not come to pass. Miz could be a viable winner, only to keep the championship around a heel’s waist. Ziggler as a winner seems a bit too obvious, and Sayn might wind up having a feud with Owens. You know what, I’m going to the stars for this one… Stardust.
Bill Bodkin: This will be fun despite some of the participants. I think Kevin Owens retains here because there’s more money in these guys chasing Kevin Owens, than Kevin Owens chasing one of these guys.
Divas Championship: Becky Lynch vs. Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte
Michael Dworkis: Now this is a match I care about. This will be a wrestling match. There is nothing “diva” about it. If allowed, this match could likely outclass the rest of the show. Hard to call a winner. First I figure Charlotte, this was to prolong feuds with both Sasha and Lynch. However, Lynch does not strike me as someone to win at a Mania. The roster is chock full of heel divas, and Banks going freshly face gives her a lot of Divas to challenge her. So she becomes my pick for a victory. Sasha Banks.
Jon Lister: A contender for the match of the evening. WWE breaking away from its tradition of pure T&A in a Divas match and throwing in three talented wrestlers for a serious WM match. This match will be even more special for me as I have not watched NXT. Shame on me I know, but now I get to reap the benefits. If Charlotte is going to even come close to matching dear old dad, she will be dropping on this evening to Sasha Banks. 1 down, 15 to go.
Bill Bodkin: I’ve gone back and forth on this one as all three have legit reasons to win. Becky has been “this” close to winning but always gets screwed. Sasha has been the “documentary darling” with WWE filming her tear-filled road to Mania. And Charlotte is the new face of the division. I think Charlotte retains in the possible match of the night.
Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar
Michael Dworkis: This is a street fight. No DQ. It is going to be brutal. I believe we will see Ambrose taken to Suplex City and Lesnar will be taken to a PG-version of ECW. I imagine Ambrose will take a ton of sick bumps, and deliver a believable beating to Mr. Beast Incarnate. However, I also believe we will get interference from Bray Wyatt and the Wyatt Family. Will this change the outcome? Not likely. First I think Lesnar will win, because it is WrestleMania and Lesnar has too much of an ego to lose at Mania. However, since it is what most of us believe, WWE could fool us in a lovable way and have our beloved Foley-inspired hero earn the win. This is tough to call, but I’ll go against the grain and pick Dean Ambrose to win.
Jon Lister: The other contender for the match of the night. Ambrose is quickly becoming today’s Mick Foley (not quite as loveable but just as quirky). He will give Lesnar everything he has and will take an absolute shalacking from the Beast leaving us all with our jaws dropping. In the end, Lesnar will be victorious and we will end up loving Ambrose all the more by macth’s end.
Bill Bodkin: Who wins? We all do. The WWE cannot make this a crappy early WWE hardcore match where it’s all goofy and lame. We cannot have Ambrose attempt to use the barbed wire bat only to get kicked in the gut and the bat is discarded. We need blood. We need violence. We need fun. I think Dean Ambrose needs the win here and somehow he gets it.
Hell in the Cell: Shane McMahon vs. The Undertaker
Michael Dworkis: Facts are as follows: If Shane wins, he gets RAW. If Shane wins, the Undertaker retires. If Undertaker wins… Nothing. Nothing for him to gain, all to lose. This angle of Undertaker being bossed around by Vince seems very odd to me, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, very similar to watching Undertaker’s streak end. I’ll be straight-forward, goodbye Undertaker. Something will go strange during this match, and by the end, Undertaker will be saying goodbye to WWE. Sorry, but once Taker lost to Lesnar and the streak ended, I felt that was the time for the Deadman to call it a career. His win against Bray Wyatt the year after was expected, and I thought even then, that would be it. However, I never said the Undertaker would lose. I believe Undertaker will WIN the Hell in the Cell, and also call it a career.
Jon Lister: I was really conflicted with this match at first. Shane’s return was great and we have seen in the past he’ll put his body on the line. Then the nostalgia got old really fast. To make matters worse, I am just about certain a McMahon is going to end the career of The Undertaker. The standard for literally a generation, forced to retire by losing to a McMahon. The form of nepotism almost makes me want to boycott this event. Shane wins, we get a couple of awesome weeks, and then it’ll become the same old, same old.
Bill Bodkin: Woof. This has been terribly and is too convolutedly. I think there’s going to be hi jinx out the wazoo in this match, and that may be the reason Undertaker loses to Shane. Oh, don’t worry Taker will return for one more match.
WWE Championship: Roman Reigns vs. Triple H – NO DQ
Michael Dworkis: Triple H has a pretty significant record of title matches at WrestleMania. He is not really a wrestler anymore, but even as corporate kingpin, the character still needs power. Take power away, and what is left? Just another corporate angle. Roman Reigns could win the title, because he is the lead babyface, and WrestleMania should end on a high note. Or, perhaps there will be interference, causing Triple H to retain the championship, which keeps Roman Reigns strong. Because he always has to be strong. Everyone thinks Reigns will win, and no one except for pre-teens and the writing staff want that to happen. So, by some sort of messed up convoluted sequences of events, Triple H will actually retain.
Jon Lister: If I decide to stay awake for this match, I expect to see maybe up to 7 nice spots. However, a majority of my time will be focused on wondering how the hell is this the main event at a WM? Then again, a few years ago, miz mainevented WM so there is no low that will get to that in the foreseeable future. If the WWE wants to steamroll ahead with their plans, Reigns will be victorious. If they want to the fans to finally cheer for Reigns, HHH will retain so we may focus our disgust on him and how the Son-in-Law is still champion. I’m going with the latter.
Bill Bodkin: Roman’s gotta win. I’ve read rumors that this match has a lot of huge things planned for it, so this could be a sleeper. I’d love for it to be great. I’d also love Shane to help Roman win, and we get a double heel turn from Shane AND Roman.
