Plot: The summer is over, and D.J. (Candace Cameron Bure) finally makes a decision between Matt (John Brotherton) and Steve (Scott Weinger), but is she too late? Fernando (Juan Pablo Di Pace) decides to move in with the Fullers uninvited, and Stephanie (Jodie Sweetin) may be falling for a Gibbler (Adam Hagenbuch).
I make no apologies about being a Full House fan. I still have those damn re-runs on in the background while I’m doing chores and other non-sense. Okay, fine, sometimes I sit down and actually watch the show for the 800th time, alright! When Fuller House premiered last year, I was probably the kindest reviewer it had. By no means was it Seinfeld or Parks & Rec, but it got by on pure nostalgia. I got a kick out of seeing the old gang back together. Now we approach the second season. The nostalgia honeymoon phase is over, and there’s no way around it: the first episode of Season 2 was downright atrocious.
This is going to be a hard review to write because I have nothing else to say other than it’s simply bad writing. For the love of Mr. Woodchuck, put a little effort into this! The jokes suck. I don’t know how else I can possibly say it. This is lazy garbage. Look, the cheese factor in the original show was overwhelming, but it could be legitimately funny at times. John Stamos, Bob Saget and Dave Coulier had a true chemistry. While the three main actresses here are fine, they aren’t exactly Jennifer Lawrence, Anne Hathaway and Kate McKinnon, so they aren’t capable of elevating bad 1990s sitcom humor.
While the trio of Bure, Sweetin and Barber do what they can, the kid actors may have gotten worse. That little pipsqueak Max (Elias Harger) is unbearable. Yeah, I feel like a complete jackass. I hate being harsh on a kid actor who can’t be older than 10, but what am I supposed to do? Jake Lloyd shouldn’t be the only kid actor to take heat. Not only does he shout every line, but they give him such an eye rolling plot device that ends with a climate change lecture. Okay, look, I’m not here to make a political statement about climate change either way, alright. Everybody calm down. I would just prefer it not to be in my wholesome little Full House show where all I’m looking for is a few cheap, cheesy laughs. “Cut it out!”
Speaking of bad acting, we get a brand new character in Jimmy Gibbler, Kimmy’s younger brother (Jimmy and Kimmy, get it? Hi-larious).
[Full House Continuity Error Alert: This is technically not a continuity error, but I find it hard to believe that we NEVER saw Kimmy’s brother on the original show. Not only that, but several times we hear about Kimmy’s older brother, Garth. Why not just use him?! What the hell?]
Jimmy is played by Ashton Kutcher, excuse me, Adam Hagenbuch. Seriously, it looks like they cloned Ashton Kutcher and plopped this guy out. He’s just not very good. His lines are weird, but not Kimmy weird. Just bad weird.
The worst part is just how awkward this all was. There’s no rhythm to any of this. I rarely talk about directors when it comes to television, but this was poorly directed. There’s a lot of cringe-worthy telegraphed jokes between Matt and Steve, the two dudes who pined after D.J. Speaking of Steve, remember his whole schtick? Oh yeah, he likes to eat a lot. In case you forgot though, don’t worry – they only remind you every five minutes. You know what else was annoying? The studio audience! Yeah! They cheered like crazy when little Max teaches his dog how to roll over. It’s a dog rolling over! CAN WE PLEASE CALM DOWN! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
Did I like anything? Steve dates a girl named “C.J.” (Virginia Williams). That’s kind of funny. And just to prove I’m not a cold-hearted bastard, D.J. and oldest son Jackson (Michael Campion) have a nice Full House-esque pep talk, so there you go. Look, I’m not asking for the moon with Fuller House, but it needs to be better than this. None of the old stars came back for the premiere, so at least I got that to look forward to. What else is there left to say but “Have some mercy!”
Rating: 3.5 “HOW RUDES!” out of 10