How are you supposed to live without ‘Michael Bolton’s Big Sexy, Valentine’s Day Special’?

Couple of questions right off the bat.

• Do you like The Lonely Island?
• Do you watch or listen to Comedy Bang Bang?
• Do you enjoy the music of Michael Bolton?
• Do you have a beating heart?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, skip the review and just watch Michael Bolton’s Big Sexy, Valentine’s Day Special. It’s great. You will love it.

If you didn’t answer yes, that’s fine. Give me a chance to convince you.

Michael Bolton’s Big, Sexy Valentine’s Day Special is one of those things that you didn’t know you wanted but now that you know exists, you hope happens more and more. Created by the geniuses behind The Lonely Island and Comedy Bang Bang, the special is a the rare kind of parody that you can tell really admires the thing it is parodying. It is fun to laugh at the sketches but equally fun to unironically enjoy the music of Mr Bolton. He is just that good.

Let’s start with the pitch. Following in the footsteps of Julie Andrews, Luther Vandross, and Johnny Cash (yes, that Johnny Cash) Michael Bolton has put together a team of stars to stage a Valentine’s Day themed variety show. Unlike his peers, Michael Bolton’s variety show has a very specific purpose. Santa’s elves have made too many presents and Santa needs more children to give them to. To save Christmas, Michael must be so sexy that he causes the conception of not one, not two, but seventy-five thousand children before the night is over. The stakes couldn’t be higher.

But not even Michael Bolton can do it alone. That is why he has assembled a cast of his sexiest friends to help get you in the mood. Now you’ve probably never heard of them, but bear a striking resemblance to celebrities like Andy Samberg, Eric Andre, Sarah Silverman, Randall Park, Will Forte and so many more. But they aren’t those people. They’re different guys.

And obviously the star of the show is Michael Bolton himself and thank God for that. He brings the sexy right out of the gate. You remember Michael as the incredibly talented singer who was thrust back into the spotlight by a combination of Office Space and his friends at The Lonely Island but he is so much more.

Michael Bolton is pretty funny. He’s no Richard Pryor, but this isn’t like those bad SNL episodes where the cast members are desperately trying to be so funny that you forget about the host who has no skill for comedy and probably doesn’t even really get the jokes. Michael Bolton can hang in there with the best of them, most clearly evidenced by a segment featuring a guy that looks a lot like Michael Sheen, which also happened to be my favorite of the night.

Now that’s not to say that MBBSVDS is perfect. There is one bit in particular that goes on for way too long which is difficult because it is also a song. Musical comedy is tough when the joke doesn’t land just right because it can get repetitive real quick and this one does. Adding to the frustration, this is one of the first bits of the special so I am worried that it may turn viewers off. Now, I may be way off and it could be a winner that I just don’t get but if you also think it drags, stick with the special. It only gets better and I honestly don’t think there were any other bits I didn’t love.

So this Valentine’s Day grab a box of chocolates, a moderately priced bottle of wine, your parent’s Netflix password, and get ready to be thoroughly entertained/aroused by Michael Bolton’s Big, Sexy Valentine’s Day Special. It has music, dancing, skits, heartbreak, a gun, celebrities, ballerinas, and suspense.

Can Michael be sexy enough to save Christmas? Will so many people tune in that Netflix gets T-Pain to do a Flag Day one of these? Does Michael sing that one song that everyone knows him for that I’m blanking on the name of right now? (He does) The answers to all these questions and more will be answered if you tune in to Netflix tonight. Same Bolton time. Same Bolton place.

Michael Bolton’s Big Sexy Valentine’s Day Special is currently streaming on Netflix.