I wonder, any irony tonight’s coverage of the Christmas edition of WWE Monday Night RAW being written by a Jew? I had my latkes last week, and I’ve got your Jingle Bells right here.
The first-ever live Christmas Day broadcast of RAW kicks off with John Cena giving the literal shirt off his back to a fan. Say what you want about the guy, but he always gives, and gives again. His welcome promo is interrupted by Elias who wants to sing, and for some ungodly reason, Cena encourages the crowd to continue their chant of “CM Punk” over and over. Just when it seems Cena expels the inner grinch of Elias, he attacks, and we get our opening match of the night, which, including the opening banter, goes all the way to 8:30, with no commercial interruption.
Yep, the opening hour of RAW has no commercials.
Promo for Samoa Joe wrecking everyone.
Backstage: Kurt Angle decorates the tree, interrupted by Jason Jordan who gets some loud boos, and Seth Rollins, both demanding a match with Joe. Angle offers for Rollins and Jordan to team up and face Cesaro and Sheamus, and the RAW Tag Team Championships are on the line. The frowns turned upside down on that one. Segment not over, as Roman Reigns is lurking, with Angle giving him Joe, one-on-one tonight, but the catch, is Reigns’ Intercontinental Championship is on the line.
In the ring, Brian Kendrick and Jack Gallagher look to find out of Hideo Itami belongs on 205Live. Man, how far down has Gallagher gone since turning heel. Itami will likely get spotlighted for a few months, then get a short title run, and fade to black. If he lasts in 205Live, color me surprised. This match doesn’t last very long, as Itami cracks Kendrick with the GTS, likely busting his face, and wins the match.
Corey Graves is obsessed with Mandy Rose. She is out with Sonya Deville and Paige. They face off against Sasha Banks, Bayley, and Mickie James. The Women’s Division is amazingly better, and continues to improve with the addition of uber-talented women to the roster. Don’t forget, this year marks the first year we have a Women’s Royal Rumble match, I wonder how many will be the complete contestant pool. Tonight, Absolution earns the victory.
Kane defeats Heath Slater. Rhyno gets clobbered too. After one display of roadkill, up next, Curt Hawkins hopes for a Christmas Miracle. Nope. Finn Balor rolls over, handing Hawkins yet another loss. No wins this year. Maybe 2018?
Backstage: Dallas and Axel sing carols to Goldust. They give him a Miz DVD. He immediately hands it off to Titus O’Neal.
Things get creepy with Bray Wyatt cutting a promo, concluding with “I’m Here.” He heads out to the ring and is attacked by Woken Hardy! Lots of creepy laughter ensues, and Bray isn’t sure what to do next. Love it.
Backstage: Cesaro and Sheamus exchange gifts, action figures of Ambrose and Rollins. However, Sheamus gets upset when he finds a Jason Jordan figure, saying “no one wants him!”
Oh, how sadly true.
Cedric Alexander, Akira Tozawa, and Mustafa Ali defeat Enzo Amore, Drew Gulak, and Ariya Davari – Great match, even with the addition of the “Miracle on 34th Street” gimmick. One Lumbar Check by Alexander nets the win.
Well, this one was long and really, really, good. Give credit to Reigns for keeping pace with Joe and delivering some hard hits, and taking some bumps throughout the bout. The disappointment comes at the end, as Reigns gets too wild, shoving the ref, and being disqualified. Post match, Reigns continues to clobber Joe all over the ringside area.
Backstage: Jason Jordan promises to Seth Rollins he will hold up his end.
Braun Strowman destroys Curt Axel and Bo Dallas.
That’s all for the Braun show this week.
Backstage: Enzo and Nia Jax are about to have a Mistletoe Moment, but interrupted by a panicked Alexa Bliss.
In the ring, Alexa talks up her reign as Women’s Champion and how it’s all her doing with these history-making moments. She is interrupted by Asuka who declares her intent to win the Royal Rumble. One roundhouse kick later, and Bliss is down.
Main Event: Seth Rollins & Jason Jordan vs. Cesaro & Sheamus for the RAW Tag Team Champions
Surprisingly good match. Cesaro is superhuman, even without teeth. Rollins plays the sacrificial lamb more than once, taking most of the bumps. The Bar clearly dominated most of the match, and despite the lame gimmick, Jason Jordan bust out some classic overhead suplexes. The end of the match saw some consecutive big hits, culminating with Jordan hitting his one-man finisher on Cesaro for the shock win, and we have New RAW Tag Team Champions – Seth Rollins and Jason Jordan.
Well, that was a fun way to end RAW. Wonder how long this will last? I mean, Ambrose is out for about nine months…
