Grief. Think of it like a coffee stain on a white shirt. No matter how many times you wash it, the shirt will never be the same. The stain will fade, but never go away. It’s hard to think that it’s only been seven short months since the tragic suicide of Chester Bennington. With that, the never ending abyss of questions start to flood your mind.
What more could have been done to prevent this? Could I have listened more? What signs did I miss? Relationships with grief vary from person to person. Some people talk about it. Others may close themselves off to the world for a bit to make sense of it. Music has always been a conduit in navigating the canyons of grief. However, when it’s compounded with grieving, it’s can be frustrating.
While music is a very public medium, feelings of loss are often are concealed in private. It’s a very complex relationship. Linkin Park as a band is a monument to many people who are and were dealing with the very same demons of Bennington. Depression is not a one size fits all disease. After the tragedy, you hear lyrics a little differently. Bennington often sung songs of hope like “The Messenger” off of 2010’s A Thousand Suns, but there is the hyde like “Given Up” from 2007’s Minutes To Midnight.
The Post Traumatic EP is the accumulation of Mike Shinoda opening his insides to the world. It chronicles the months after losing a best friend and a band mate. As he stated with a handwritten note about the EP, “it’s not Linkin Park or Fort Minor, it’s just me“. The videos that accompanied it are just a stream of consciousness. An actual glimpse of a very personal view of a wide array of emotions.
The first song from the EP, “Place To Start,” serves as a coming to terms with the present. It’s just one verse with a electronic pattern mixed with a hard 808 beat. Although short, it perfectly captures the initial questioning of “why” once you lose someone. Shinoda articulates how he feels like an ant in an anthill and how life just happens – whether we have a hand in it or not.
Do I even have a decision
Feeling like I’m living in a story already written
Am I part of a vision made by somebody else?
The initial shock of grieving paralyzes you. The inclusion of voicemails is relatable from people checking up on Shinoda. Is there really anything that anybody can say that makes the situation better? This premise is revisited on the last track, “Watching As I Fall.” Linkin Park has stood as a pillar of emotional release for fans. There’s a struggle with verbalizing your struggles over and over again. Shinoda has this as a theme throughout the EP:
Telling them the old words but in a new rap
Then I change my mind up and make them lose track
Although this is not a Fort Minor project, musically, it may feel very familiar. The three song EP is outfitted with some of the alternative electronic cuts that may feel akin to Minor/Linkin Park projects with hip-hop, punchy beats. The music is not so much the story as it is just to provide atmosphere for Shinoda to hang his words on. Every word within these three songs means something.
On “Over Again,” these lyrics are written the day of and the day after the Hollywood Bowl tribute show. It’s like your standing right next to him on a first-person account. There’s two different takes of awareness with each day. The first verse deals with that emotional performance. Performing those songs and continuing the Linkin Park name, it’s like a continuing tribute.
Given that they play these songs in the future, it’s an ongoing monument to Bennington. On the flip side to that, it’s also a reminder that he’s gone. It’s almost cruel how something you can love can turn into a reminder of something you long for.
The second verse of “Over Again” resonates with the understandable apprehension and anger. The ongoing questions of whether Linkin Park will continue began to rise. In all honesty, it was a testament of strength that the band even did the tribute show.
How do you feel, how you doing, how’d the show go?
Am I insane to say the truth is that I don’t know
As the tale end to the video of “Watching As I Fall,” this song was recorded in December. Now, there’s a maelstrom of issues coming from the California fires to the political discord that keeps the anxiety of the collective fever point. With all these outside factors, you don’t really find a reprieve. The rare escapism – in Shinoda’s case, is music. There’s a moment in the video where Shinoda is telling the story about his friend evacuating and there was a laugh like “what else can go wrong?” When grief snowballs, it feels like there is no end to the incline.
Unfortunately, music has this stopwatch relationship with time. Fast food appetite. “Ok, when is the next thing coming?” We have this outlook on our heroes that they can activate this healing power and be ready to entertain us again. While there was an out pour of sadness with the loss of Chester Bennington, there’s a deeper wound with those who got to experience who he was on a personal level. The music of Linkin Park drew up the illusion that we knew him that well. Shinoda shows us a side of himself that isn’t glamorous, but human. Maybe we can be there for him like he has for us.
