Quiet on the set as The A(wesome)-Lister comes out on his own for the first time in months. Miz has last week’s segment with Shane McMahon played to bring us up to speed on the loss at Fastlane, the subsequent betrayal, and his order to face him at WrestleMania. He remarks on the ruthless and underhanded things he has done throughout his career. He says that was the proof of how much his friendship with Shane meant; that he was selfless with Shane like no one else in WWE but Maryse.
But, when they joined forces, people were telling him to watch HIS back. Shane McMahon? They were right. Shane attacked him from behind, beat him in front of his father, and shoved the 68-year-old Mr Miz. Shane says he was born the best in the world? Nope. He’s a McMahon and born as rotten as Vince ever was. They may own the company but not him… or Kofi. That gets the crowd going.
Miz goes on to talk about how he’s worked harder than anyone else to elevate himself. He’s silenced the doubters. He was supposed to be flipping burgers but he pushed himself through it all and became a self-made champion. He’s made himself the most “Must See” superstar of all time. He earned the fans respect the hard way. The “You! De! Serve! It!” chant is met with a very Miz “You’re damn right.” But Miz deserves an ass-whipping at WrestleMania.
Written by Matthew Widdis
Sasha Banks & Bayley vs The IIconics
Thanks to the distraction a now-obligatory Lacey Evans interlude, Bayley ends up playing the babyface-in-peril for most of the match. Keep your eyes on Peyton Royce (not exactly a chore, I know) throughout this match. She shows off a lot of technical acumen that I seemed to have missed thus far. Sasha ends up taking Peyton to task but Billie Kaye recovers better than the Hugger does on the outside. A fold-up pin assisted by Billie grabbing Sasha’s arms and The IIconics win the match. Last night, the first ever women’s tag champs were the center of a lot of questions, both before and after a run-in with Natalya and Beth Phoenix. Now, there are more.
Your winners by pinfall: The IIconics
In the back
Kayla Braxton speaks with a raspy Rey Mysterio (he’s just a little hoarse!) Rey introduces us to his son (and WWE hopeful,) Dominic and says that he wants him there for his WrestleMania announcement: After pinning United States champion, Samoa Joe, last week, Rey is challenging him for the title. I don’t know if Rey has been paying attention at all since returning to Smackdown but bringing your family around during a feud with Samoa Joe ranks somewhere between Mosquito Coast and Pet Semetary on the spectrum of fatherly wisdom.
In the ring
He didn’t win the WWE World Championship at FastLane but Kevin Owens has the KO Show again. His guests tonight are two-thirds of WrestleMania’s (likely) main event, Becky Lynch and Charlotte Flair! KO pumps up Kofi Kingston, saying that he’ll be watching Kofi’s trajectory towards ‘Mania very closely. Becky Lynch is out first and The Man is looking more spry than usual tonight. Once Charlotte sits down, Kevin brings up that he knows how much a former best friend can get under one’s skin. He goes over some of the thing Ronda has said on social media and on the microphone about them and what they’ve said about each other. Kevin says that the KO motto is “Fight, Owens, Fight,” and he successfully goads the two into battering each other on the mat and around the ringside area. The Queen and The Man join The Baddest Bitch on the Planet in the heavily-fined-for-assaulting-officials club as they try o fight through referees and security as they’re pulled apart.
In the back
AJ Styles tells Kayla Braxton that Randy Orton isn’t good… he’s great. But Randy’s a 1st round draft pick and AJ is a walk on. He’s a scratcher, a climber, and had to dig deep to places Randy’s never seen. At WrestleMania, AJ isn’t going to build a house, he’s going to bring the house down. He wishes Kofi luck as he walks off.
In ring
WWE World Champion, Daniel Bryan, is in the ring with Rowan. He says that Kofi Kingston being in tonight’s gauntlet match … because Kofi doesn’t deserve the opportunity! Kofi hasn’t been held down. He was handpicked to replace Mustafa Ali. And he failed. Because Kofi isn’t a champion; He’s a B+ player.
Big E tells Indianapolis not to be sour and The New Day heads to the ring with the crowd chanting “Ko! Fi!” all the way down. It’s time to start the gauntlet!
Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus
Cesaro is at ringside but Xavier Woods and Big E are relegated to the backstage area. A few minutes into the match and these two are working mat wrestling like Johnny Saint and Pat O’Connor until Kofi hits a flying booty dive to the outside. It connects but Sheamus turns up the brute dial and Kofi is already slowed down. Despite the size discrepancy and a European uppercut on the sly from Cesaro, Kofi holds on long enough to hit Trouble in Paradise. The Usos have joined Xavier and Big E at the monitors.
Kofi Kingston vs Cesaro
Cesaro starts out by using his size and freakish strength to wear down an already drained Kofi, most notably by catching him in mid-air on a springboard attempt and nailing him with a backbreaker. The Hardys, Mustafa Ali, R-Truth, and Carmella are gathering around the big screen in the back. Kofi gets stretched out from the G-forces of a Cesaro swing and bent by a cloverleaf hold and suplex. Kofi fights a Boston crab only to be twisted into a one-legged Walls of Jericho before he can heel kick his way out. Kofi counters a neutralizer with a backdrop. Cesaro thinks he’s slick by flipping out of it to his feet but Kofi is slicker, catching him in the SOS for a pinfall. 2-out-of-5 down.
Kofi Kingston vs Rowan
Most of the Smackdown roster is cheering on Kofi now. Kofi tries to go on the offensive but runs into the freight train of Rowan. The modern day Viking gets disqualified by using a chair on Kofi. He continues to brutalize him against the barricades and with a slam dunk through the announce table.
Kofi Kingston vs Samoa Joe
The United States champion really shouldn’t be in this sort of match but, being Joe, it adds to the danger and dread of the scenario. The Samoan submission machine looks more like a member of the Corleone family than Team Punishment as he batters and mocks Kofi. A Coquina Clutch is countered with a jawbreaker but gets spike with a Uranage when he tries to follow up. Joe goes deep into the playbook and attempts a Muscle Buster but Kofi slide off his back, rolls him up, and gets the pin! This goes about as well as you would think. Joe locks in a Coquina Clutch in the ropes until pulled off by Adam Pearce and referees. Kofi is beaten, dazed, exhausted. And then the voices come.
Kofi Kingston vs Randy Orton
Randy takes Kofi on a tour of the ringside area, stopping at each barricade. He holds him up for the crowd to see and proclaims that he is not “their guy.” Kofi is still fighting, though. He whips Randy into the ring steps but is subjected to stomps soon enough. Kofi pushes off an RKO and hits Trouble in Paradise! There’s too much taken out of him already, though, and he can’t get to the cover before the Viper slithers out to the arena floor. Kofi’s high cross body is rolled through for a two count and Randy immediately swings him around and into the rope hung DDT. Randy is ponding the mat and R… K… No! Schoolboy on Randy Orton for the 1-2-3!
Your winner and going to WrestleMania: Kofi Kingston
The New Day celebrate in the ring as Vince McMahon comes out and congratulates Kofi. He says that his performance is nothing short of miraculous and he’s going to WrestleMania… so long as he can beat just one last competitor. Xavier and Big E protest but are reminded that they are barred from ringside. Out comes the final boss: Daniel Bryan!
Kicks in the Tree of Woe. Belly-to-back superplex. Kick out! Lebell lock. Rope break! “No! Kicks” but Kofi hits the SOS for a two count! Daniel bryan dropkicks in the corner but Kofi schoolboys for two. Kofi misses a cross body and Daniel grabs his wrists to stomp on his chest. The running knee connects and Kofi is turned inside out. Kofi is NOT going to WrestleMania.
Final thoughts:
There was the famous/infamous worked shoot on Talking Smack where Miz, often derided by wrestling fans both in character (weasel heel) and out of character (for his “safe style” and lack of technical skills,) seemingly blew up with frustration. Needled by another lifelong fan who made it to the top, Daniel Bryan, Miz brought up how he did things the hard way, he played it safe (and smart) and was able to show up every single day to do what he loved to do and live his dream.
He gave the people someone to boo, the company some they could rely on for public appearances, and the Intercontinental Title a chance to get off of the pre-show at pay-per-views. That promo was as a heel but it woke a lot of people up to fact that this average-sized, high-school-level athlete had been a grinder for 11+ years and THAT was why a former reality show cast member has had a Hall of Fame career. This time, instead of awkwardness from Renee Young and Daniel Bryan, he got genuine love from the people.
Speaking of grinding for 11 years, the thumb of Vince McMahon came down across the back of Kofi Kingston once again. With two more Tuesdays left to go until WrestleMania, they are still in danger of overbooking the angle. But that could be the fact that the angle mirrors real life: I don’t think that, on January 1st of this year, anyone in the back office (or the stands) saw Kofi Kingston as an ideal challenger for the WWE title for WrestleMania. Anyone who thought The New Day would have a breakup breakout probably saw the office going with Big E. I would have chosen the nerd with the PhD, myself. But Kofi has run with that ball and shown the world why he got over like Glee and Angry Birds when he first appeared in WWE… and it wasn’t the accent. They just need to be careful from here on out. If someone is running at a full sprint, a push forward is only going to put them in the dirt rather than towards the finish line.
And also speaking of “over booked,” when you want to cook a steak perfectly, one of the things you have to do is let it sit on a plate for about six minutes and not do anything to it. It takes care of itself. That was Becky and Charlotte and Ronda. It’s hard to tell what’s going on with Ronda Rousey. Her past problems with dealing with professional adversity are well-documented and how much is peeling back the curtain and how much is smoke and mirrors is anyone’s guess. But the segment tonight wasn’t much of barn burner… and it shouldn’t have been. Give the people a chance to cheer Becky and give Charlotte a chance to be a smug bitch about it. If it was just the two of them, they’d have touched too many times in this build but so far, so good.
I can’t quite figure out if they’re trying to make Sasha and Bayley half-heels or set up another break up or what. On RAW, they looked like they were ducking Nattie and Beth. On Smackdown, The IIconics got the better of them. Are the women’s belts going to be a catalyst for merging the brands (again?) Stay tuned for further.
The gauntlet match was fantastic and Kofi really worked it but I was a bit confused by participant choice and order. Rowan was protected by a DQ finish but both the US champion, Samoa Joe, and the walking personification of danger, Randy Orton, both get surprised and rolled up by a Kofi who had gotten the ever-living $#!+ kicked out of him by then?
Yes, those were five huge scary dudes on the entranceway last week. Yes, putting Randy out last lent a huge amount of gravitas to the Kofi-in-peril. But, now, Rey Mysterio and AJ Styles have WrestleMania opponents who couldn’t beat a guy who had gotten his ass-kicked for 40+ minutes first. I’d have had Joe come out first, maybe D-Bry as the fifth in the gauntlet for the surprise rollup after taunting the crowd, and Randy as the spoiler. But what the hell do I know?
