Written by Matthew Widdis
In Ring:
It’s a brand New Day! Yes it is! And the New Day brand comes out to the ring full force. Xavier Woods, Big E, and especially Kofi Kingston get a warm and heartfelt reception at Mohegan Sun Arena. They talk about how the fans have been with them from the days of “New Day sucks” to “New Day rocks,” from Booty-Os and unicorns to Hell in a Cell and street fights. Nobody has been an example of the “Power of Positivity” like Kofi for 11 years but Xavier and Big E had to have a long talk with him and discuss the possibility of leaving WWE! To prevent that, they want to talk to Mr. Vince McMahon in this very ring to talk about their grievance and they can wait all night. And it works!
Vinnie Mac gets the mic… and immediately interrupted by WWE Champion, Daniel Bryan! He tells Vince not to waste one more breath on New Day’s fragile egos; that they’re just a “stale novelty act that he created.” ven if they left, they could be easily replaced by calling up three wrestlers from NXT, call them “Fresh Afternoon,” and have them throw waffles into the crowd! This was actually pretty funny and definitely made me imagine a 2009 TNA version of New Day. But then Daniel drop the “B+ player” label on Kofi and tells him that Xavier, Big E, and the parasites in the audience shouldn’t be let into his head. He says that they aren’t facing reality.Xavier tells Daniel that the reality is… that Daniel Bryan is scared to face Kofi one-on-one, has become everything he used to fight against, and is, now, nothing more than a hypocrite. Daniel wants to respond but a “Shut up!” from the chairman switches gears.
Vince says that New Day has no intentions of actually quitting but they needed to say it force the issue. He tells Kofi that he is, in Vince’s heart, a B+ player… but are Xavier and Big E a B+ tag team? He sends Kofi to the back to get a soda but Big E and Xavier have a tag team gauntlet match that, if they win, sends Kofi to WrestleMania!
Tom “Phillipe” Phillips, Byron “Shut Up” Saxton, and Corey Graves tell us about the frenzy resulting from the announcement that The Queen, The Man, and The Baddest Bitch on the Planet will be headlining WrestleMania in the first ever women’s main event with glimpses of their appearances on ESPN and an outpouring of social media.
Sarah Schreiber congratulates Becky Lynch on the announcement and on winning the “Beat the Clock” challenge last night on RAW. As Becky questions what Charlotte has ever done to deserve a shot at Ronnie’s belt but Club Mix Zarathustra and The Queen cut her off. She’s walking to the ring, mic in hand, and telling us all that she’s going to show us all how deserving she is.
Charlotte vs Asuka
As the Queen and The Empress of Tomorrow get ready to throw down, it is announced that this match is for the Smackdown Women’s Championship! Growing up watching Bret Hart defend the strap three times a week against luminaries such as: Brooklyn Brawler, Barry Horowitz, and Canada’s greatest athlete, “Iron” Mike Sharpe, I’ve never been a fan of the non-title matches that we’ve been seeing lately. Immediately, the announcers question how Charlotte secured this match, bring up how Charlotte ended Asuka’s 2-year+ undefeated streak to win the title, and speculate on what it would mean for WrestleMania if Charlotte won tonight.
Charlotte and Asuka are, both of them, two of the top athletes and top workers on the entire roster. And, yes, I’m including the men such as Seth Rollins and Johnny Gargano. As one would imagine, Charlotte is using her size and athleticism and Asuka is using speed and striking, although she does slow down to throw Charlotte into an Octopus Hold and she puts some stank on it! Charlotte is dominant throughout but, after degrading Asuka with a slightly (and sadly) appropriate “You’re nothing anymore,” The Empress strikes back by turning Charlotte’s spear attempt into a Codebreaker! It stops The Queen but it seems to have aggravated the left knee that Charlotte had stomped on just before. Quick strikes, a snap German suplex, and a sliding head kick get Asuka a two count. Asuka lands a load of low kicks to the back of a kneeling Charlotte but misses the running hip attack and gets booted in the head for it. Charlotte misses the moonsault and lands right into an Asuka Lock!
Charlotte reverses it into a pin attempt and the battle begins anew with chops and elbows traded. Asuka goes up top but is blocked. And Charlotte and Asuka do something I don’t know if I’ve ever seen before: a Spanish Fly with Charlotte on the top turnbuckle and Asuka on the middle one! Only gets a two for Charlotte though. Asuka goes for a triangle hold but it’s shades of Matt Hughes vs Carlos Newton as The Queen powers her from the mat to overhead for a thunderous power bomb and a two count. It’s a scramble from there as they roll across the ring, trading pin and submission attempts until Charlotte locks in a Figure 8 and Asuka taps out!
Your winner by submission… and NEW Smackdown Women’s Champion… Charlotte Flair
Heel or no, The Queen is getting some love from the WWE Universe in attendance upon her record-breaking eighth title win. Halfway to Dad as she points the big sign!
As The Queen walks out, the legendary Olympic hero walks in and it’s time for Kurt Angle’s final Smackdown match.
In the Gorilla position, AJ is interviewed for a moment about the match. He talks about how proud he is and that Kurt laid the foundation for the house that A. J. Styles. Built.
Kurt Angle vs AJ Styles
The two shake hands and hug for a genuine moment. No acknowledgement of their history in turning another brand into something relevant but the match itself evokes the memory. And Kurt hitting a German right off the bat evokes that the match is underway!
Angle goes for an Angle Slam but AJ slips out and it’s a Calf Crusher! Kurt hangs out and slips out to go for the Angle Lock! Both men looking for a short night… and they get it. A moment after AJ gets out of the hold, it’s “Outta nowhere!” time. Randy Orton RKOs AJ but an Angle Slam sends The Viper out to the floor.
Your winner by disqualification: AJ Styles (Or maybe it’s a no contest. Who knows? It’s wrestling.)
The Miz is in ring with a mic and it’s time to hype his match with Shane. Shane hurt and humiliated Miz and his father outside the ring so Miz wants to do that to Shane. He proposes a “Falls Count Anywhere” match. Here comes the money! But first, here comes security… and Primo Colon? And Shelton Benjamin. And SAnitY (minus Eric Young’s beard.) Shane insists on his proper introduction. Once he’s proclaimed as “The Best in the World,” he tells Miz that the security is to protect him from Shane. He breaks down how good it felt to degrade Miz, his father, and the entire city of Cleveland. He says that he can’t wait to do so again. Challenge accepted. A few more jibes at Miz’s father and he rushes security. Something we’ve never seen as Miz plays the tough brawler, getting through security, and all the way to SAnitY. Miz is throwing lots of left hands and leaps off the barricade onto Alexander Wolfe and Killian Dain. He runs them into steps and railings. Miz is showing how dangerous he can be in “Falls Count Anywhere” circumstances as Shane leaves the scene.
Hype package for Wrestlemania leads directly The IIconics video celebrating their inclusion in the Fatal 4-way for the Women’s tag titles.
Tag Team Gauntlet Match: New Day vs All
We hear a guitar riff I didn’t expect to hear ever again and Good Brother Luke Gallows and Good Brother Karl Anderson are on their way to the ring. Xavier starts out with Anderson and the two brawl until Big E takes out Gallows and Xavier comes off the top for Magic Hour/UpUpDownDown(?) to make short work of them.
Kofi is joined by Becky Lynch, The Hardys, and Rey Mysterio around the monitor in the back.
Out comes Rusev, Shinsuke Nakamura, and… evil Taylor Swift? Lana got a haaircuuut! Nakamura does a good job of beating up Xavier’s midsection and Rusev tosses him outside. Alone and in double teams, they’re beating on X and grinding him down. Even Lana gets in on it. Nakamura goes for a Reverse Exploder but Xavier lands on his feet and makes the tag! Big E goes prime Scott Steiner with the suplexes, hits a big splash and goes outside to send Rusev into the steps. With the ref’s back turned, Nakamura snaps Big E’s throat against the top rope and Rusev follows up with a roundhouse kick to the head. Double team assisted vertical suplex but Xavier breaks up the count. Big E oles two Kinshasa attempts and it’s another UpUpDownDown to eliminate Bar 2.0!
R-Truth, Naomi, Carmella, and Nikki Cross join the viewing party in back.
The bagpipes hit and the original is on their way out.
We can see Asuka, Aleister Black, Miz, and more around the monitor now.
Big E is in peril, now. He’s being ground down with stomps and submissions, including a Sharpshooter by Cesaro. Big E backdrops the Swiss Cyborg to make the tag and Xavier Woods a whirling dervish of dropkicks, seasoned with a Tornado DDT, and a tope con helo as the cherry on top! Cesaro gets himself back into the ring but X gonna give it to ya and “it” is a top turnbuckle legdrop that has got to get the nod from Bobby Eaton somewhere! Broken up at two by Sheamus. Big E tags in but Cesaro has him in a single leg crab. Sheamus misses a top rope clothesline and his Brogue Kick is caught and turned into power bomb! Xavier and Cesaro in now. European uppercut take Xavier out of the air. The Bar sets up for a spike White Noise driver but Big E rips Cesaro from the top turnbuckle and Xavier rolls up Sheamus for a surprise 1-2-3!
The Bar has no chill, though. They start putting a beating on New Day until “Cesaro! Get the table!” They lift Big E overhead and drive him straight through the table and halfway to the ER.
The Smackdown tag team champions, The Usos, make their way out. Big E may not be able to continue. Xavier puts himself between a helpless Big E and their opponents. The Usos grab the mic and go over their history with the New Day.They talk about the respect New Day has earned, especially Kofi Kingston, and how he’s deserved his title shot. Jimmy and Jey wish them luck and forfeit the match.
Daniel Bryan is going berserk in the locker room, throwing chairs and screaming in frustration. But the announcer tells us that there is one more tag team to beat. Ride of Valkyries plays and out comes the champ and his insurance policy.
The New Green Deal (I just made that up!) play divide and conquer. Submission specialist, Daniel Bryan, goes after the hobbled Big E and Rowan ragdolls the smaller Xavier outside of the ring and leaves him in a heap. Just as it looks like Big E will tap out or pass out, Xavier recovers to drop kick D-Bry, lure rowan outside and take him out with another tope con helo. Daniel goes for a running knee but Big E catches him for the big Uranage out of the corner.Daniel holds the ropes but Big E powers him down. The straps are down! Big Ending!
But the count is broken up by Rowan. He hits an Uranage of his own but E kicks out at two. DB directs Rowan to prepare the announce table. Xavier hits a Tornado DDT on Daniel and Rowan eats the ring post twice! Big E clotheslines Rowan over the table and flips it over to hold him down. Legal man Big E is back in the ring and the ten count makes The New Day the victors! Kofi Kingston is going to WrestleMania! He runs out to celebrate with Xavier and Big E.
In the parking garage, Kayla Braxton catches Mr. McMahon stepping into his limo. He wonders if a B+ player like Kofi can beat Daniel Bryan at WrestleMania but confirms that it’s what’s happening. The rest of the locker room pours to celebrate at ringside as we go off the air.
Final thoughts:
We barely left the ring tonight and it worked very, very well. We didn’t get AJ/Angle but the Charlotte/Asuka match was great example of what happens when you have a match and not a collection of signature spots.
The Kofi exclusion and Charlotte inclusion storylines have done an amazing job of blending fantasy with reality. I know plenty of lifelong “smart” fans who look at the ‘Mainia main event and Charlotte’s Smackdown title win like she’s pulling strings behind the scenes for real. More than a few Twitter posts have outlined the lack of champions of color, especially African-Americans, to illustrate Kofi getting screwed. Both are perilous, especially the Kofi story which hasn’t had any implicit racial element but has certainly been inferred (and likely purposefully implied.) But both are doing a masterful job of working us and THAT is best for business.
